“If you just know psychology well, it will come.

“The moment when life flows smoothly!”

The youngest recipient of the Japanese Educational Psychology Society's 'Excellent Paper Award'
A psychologist who has suffered from anxiety disorder
Small but powerful practices of cognitive psychology that have proven effective.

We often feel frustrated because our minds are uncontrollable several times a day.
The recently published book, “Comfortable Psychology,” is for those people, and has only one purpose.
When your mind is troubled, guide readers away from useless self-censorship and excessive self-improvement and toward a more comfortable and light life! This book's author, Rie Ueki, is a psychologist who has garnered academic attention by becoming the youngest recipient of the Japan Educational Psychology Association's "Prayer Encouragement Award" and "Excellent Paper Award," two of the most difficult awards to receive. She is also a clinical psychologist who has met with tens of thousands of clients over 22 years and has brought about real-world change in their lives.

In this book, he scientifically and clearly explains how the complex human mind works using 22 principles of 'cognitive psychology' and 'memory psychology', thereby 'making the confused mind feel at ease'.
From the 'Polar Bear Experiment', where the harder you try to forget, the more difficult it is to forget, to the 'Emotional Mismatch Effect', where you deliberately listen to sad music to escape a depressed mood, to the 'Self-Perception Theory', where you become aware of sadness only after seeing yourself shed tears, the vast amount of data and abundant examples make it easy to understand how the brain and emotions work.


Above all, this book is also for the author himself, who suffered from anxiety disorder.
Having suffered panic attacks and even lost consciousness several times, he devoted himself to studying psychology to solve his problems, and in the process, he discovered the power of cognitive psychology and overcame his anxiety disorder.
For those who, "the more complex their minds become, the more desperately they yearn for clear conclusions," this book is a compilation of the author's own real-life experiences and research, filled with psychological principles and practical advice that can be applied in real life right now.

The human brain is really like a frog.
Things I want to remember just don't come to mind, and things I want to shake off just can't be forgotten.
Why are our brains so stubborn? Why did God create humans this way? As we live, we suddenly realize this.
The fact that people who are a little more generous to themselves and live moderately live much better lives than people who struggle to be happy.
Moreover, such people tend to eventually achieve unexpected happiness.

--- p.6

When a panic attack occurs, the way to calm excessive tension and anxiety is not to control your emotions by trying to 'manage it and overcome it somehow.'
You should never grit your teeth and resist your emotions.
When your physical condition worsens, it is important to accept the situation as it is and surrender to the suffering that arises.
Don't try to run away from pain, but endure it to the fullest.
This is the basic mindset for managing panic.
--- p.32

Cognitive psychology believes that events and outcomes are not directly connected, and that human perception of the situation, beliefs, interpretations, and feelings intervene between the two.
By changing this 'way of thinking', people can escape negative mental states.
--- p.37

Jealousy isn't the only reason I don't want to meet my friends who are working after failing to get a job.
It is the natural distancing that the heart desires.
In fact, even trying to cheer up a depressed person by taking them outside can make their condition worse.
For someone who is feeling down, it is better to let them sit quietly in the rain for a while rather than forcing them to be around happy people or creating a bright environment.
And being there to get wet in the rain together.
That is the greatest comfort.

--- p.43

The more we encounter unexpected good fortune or luck, the more we unconsciously feel anxious and anxious about misfortune that may not even happen.
This fear of falling is particularly pronounced in women.
--- p.58

We humans unconsciously avoid listening to stories that run counter to our beliefs or philosophies, and we even find it difficult to understand them.
At this point, it's more than just a 'tiny brain'; it's a 'grumpy brain'.
At the root of this phenomenon is the instinctive egoism of ‘not wanting to change my thoughts’ and ‘wanting to affirm my ego.’
It is precisely because of this narcissism that people become overly concerned with topics related to themselves, especially those that could threaten their narcissism, and conversely, they react indifferently or exclusively to irrelevant matters.

--- p.74

Human memory can be very easily distorted by 'language that elicits memories'.
In other words, when several people gather together and talk and recall someone, it is like walking into the swamp of 'distortion of memory'.
So, it is only natural that you end up choosing the wrong person as a result.
Illusions, overestimations, misplaced expectations… … .
To avoid these memory errors, we should at least avoid recalling memories while talking with multiple people.

--- p.85

There are many layers of folds in the human mind.
It takes time to look into its depths.
But if we hastily put words to describe and name the feelings of the moment, those feelings will only show a shallow surface and soon disappear.
Ultimately, it puts the brakes on further growth and reflection.
Therefore, it is ultimately detrimental to yourself to immediately express the emotions that cross your mind and think that you have understood them just by expressing them.

--- p.90

Most of the words we utter in moments of intense anger are the embodiment of verbal concealment.
Without properly understanding the true feelings, they just blurt out words driven by the feeling of not wanting to lose.
The same goes for the other person.
Words spoken out of anger and sadness are generally unrelated to one's true feelings.
Therefore, it is rude to say, “That was your true intention!” in the middle of an argument.

--- p.93

Why do fortune tellers' predictions always feel so right, and so moving that they bring tears to my eyes? There are two surprising secrets to this.
The first secret is this:
To begin with, the invited guests are moved to tears by the fortune teller's specific predictions (even if they are not exactly accurate).
The reason is simple.
Because everyone wants others to know what kind of person they are.
Humans always live their lives wandering in search of their own 'identity'.
This is a trait that is almost instinctive.
Therefore, when someone points out your personality or essence, your heart is bound to waver, whether it is right or wrong.

--- p.140

'Joe-Harry's Window' is a psychological theory that explains the structure of the self by comparing it to a 'window'.
Dr. Joseph and Dr. Harry believed that humans do not live with one self, but rather with four selves simultaneously.
① The self that one knows and that others know = an already open window
② The self that only you know = hidden window
③ A self known only to others = A window that can be opened
④ A self that no one knows about = a closed window
--- p.160

Not only humans, but also higher primates have an instinct to decide their own affairs.
Among primates, humans have a particularly strong sense of self-efficacy and have developed a creative culture through their own choices and autonomy.
In other words, it is no exaggeration to say that for humans, ‘maintaining self-efficacy = living like a human being.’
Therefore, being told "no" by others is an emergency situation that threatens self-efficacy and causes considerable psychological stress.

--- p.173

Dedicate yourself to love.
It may sound obvious, but modern psychology offers the exact opposite answer: self-perception theory.
That is, the act of ‘devotion’ comes first, and the emotion of ‘love’ is heightened as a result.
We realize 'sadness' when we shed 'tears', and we become aware of 'anger' when we get 'angry'.

--- p.185