*** Psychological counseling expert appearing on KBS, SBS, JTBC, EBS, and tvN ***
*** Most frequently appearing representative speaker on Sebashi ***
*** YouTube lecture cumulative views 60 million ***

“Prepare your emotional pension starting today.”
An era in which we live longer, yet more lonely, than ever before
32 Psychology Lessons to Eliminate Aging Anxiety

The long loneliness that comes after retirement and childcare graduation,
Happiness in the second half of life depends on relationships.

Now that the phrase "100-year lifespan" has become a cliché, we have to live a long old age even after graduating from childcare and retiring.
While retirement planning today is often viewed as an economic issue, such as the "three-story pension tower" and "downsizing," Professor Lee Ho-seon identifies "relationships" as the key to retirement planning.
Professor Lee Ho-seon, a leading middle-aged mentor in Korea who is active as a psychological counselor across YouTube, radio, terrestrial broadcasting, and general programming, emphasizes that “even if you reduce everything as you get older, you should not reduce your relationships,” and that we should prepare early on for the “emotional pension” that will be responsible for happiness in the second half of life, that is, the network of relationships that will support my life.
Published by Eunhaengnamu Publishing, "Lee Ho-seon's As I Get Older: Relationships" is a book that explains the laws of pleasant human relationships, based on psychology, sociology, and communication theory, realized while answering the concerns of countless middle-aged and elderly people encountered in counseling rooms and research fields.


Middle age is the most socially active period, but it is also a time when many separations are imminent.
As we focus on important life tasks such as raising children and working, we gradually become distant from the relationships we naturally developed, and people around us sometimes pass away due to accidents or illnesses.
Parents are left with the responsibility of supporting their children, who have grown up, and the sadness of separation.
If you fail to build a network of relationships to support you through your old age, you may face a long period of loneliness.
The author says that in preparation for this, we need to build up a thick 'emotional pension' by reflecting on our relationships with our family, meeting new friends to grow old with, and restoring old relationships.
This network of relationships is the most reliable safety net that supports me when I face economic and emotional crises, as well as when my mental and physical health deteriorates.
As psychologists unanimously say, no matter how much wealth you have or how much success you have, you can never be happy alone.
If you master the relationship skills taught by Professor Lee Ho-seon, one by one, you will enjoy a life that becomes more enjoyable as you age.

Becoming an adult is not simply about growing older, it is about developing a deeper understanding of yourself and others.
To do that, adults must start from their relationship with themselves and reestablish new relationships.
In that sense, I like Henri Nouwen.
His writings are heartwarming, and the key word that brings out the warmth of this adult is the concept of hospitality.
To borrow Henri Nouwen's words, "Only when I welcome myself can I welcome others." Hospitality encompasses self-compassion, which includes self-kindness, mature character, and mindfulness, or self-pity, which embraces and holds oneself.
Go beyond blaming yourself or isolating yourself to being kind and accepting to yourself.
Those who forgive themselves also forgive others, and those who welcome and nurture themselves also welcome others.
All relationships begin with my relationship with myself.
The power to live from a lonely me to a joyful me, from self-punishment to self-care, from a world-fearing me to a welcoming me of family and friends, from a clumsy me to a creative me comes from welcoming myself.
--- pp.19-20, from “All relationships begin with the relationship with ‘me’”

In psychology, a family that seems to push each other away but still wants each other is called a dysfunctional family.
It means a family that is dysfunctional.
Dysfunctional families are psychologically tangled, like a twisted circuit.
Often times, people are very harsh with each other, or family rules are too strict and inconsistent.
I have a hard time expressing my emotions within my family, and when I do, I feel ashamed.
Even if they appear close at first glance, there exists a psychological space that is difficult to bridge between family members: the intimacy vacuum.
Because there is a lack of healthy intimacy in the relationship, the space that should be filled with intimacy has become a vacuum.
Because family members are unable to express their feelings, open their hearts, and communicate with each other, they lack emotional, physical, and mental intimacy.
When an intimacy gap develops, relationships can become jeopardized by feelings of isolation, loneliness, and dissatisfaction.
Thinking about our parents, lovers, spouses, and even children can make us feel burdened, annoyed, or empty.
If left unchecked, the intimacy gap will only get worse over time.
They don't know how to respect the individuality of their family members and end up thinking that the whole family should have the same emotions.
It becomes a very rigid and uncompromising relationship.
Each and every one of these families is in despair.

--- pp.64-65, from “Family, a Strange Relationship of Few Encounters and High Expectations”

Getting angry easily and severely with family is due to everyday aggression.
Everyday aggression appears more often in close relationships.
Why is that? Because family is a close bond, it's believed to be unbreakable.
Deborah South Richardson, a psychology professor at Regent University in the United States, conducted an interesting study on this phenomenon.
He revealed that he believed that because there was a strong bond between close brothers, even a direct attack would not break the relationship.
Oh, Trusting Axe, isn't that too much? And that's not all.
Even if you feel sorry, you think there will be a chance to reconcile or forgive later.
Since there have been times when things have resolved on their own over time, this time too, they tend to let it pass and then later throw in a few words and pretend to have reconciled.
--- p.92, from “Get Out of the Illusion That Relationships Can Be Restored at Any Time”

These days, people just don't want to give up.
“Why should I lose?” is a question I hear all too often in counseling settings in recent years.
The time I lived through was sad, but when I think about living the rest of my life like that, everything before my eyes becomes blurry.
That's right.
But couples who don't support each other will definitely get divorced.
After saying everything you wanted to say without giving in, you may feel relieved, but the relationship is over.
As you know, when we try to win over each other, trust is damaged and unnecessary tension becomes the norm.
I pour out all my feelings, as if vomiting, letting out all my resentment and discomfort.
I can never see others when I'm stuck in the swamp of my emotions.
So, you only say words that won't reach the other person, and your tongue becomes an arrowhead that pierces the other person's weakness and heart.
The trait of not wanting to support is closely related to selfishness.

--- p.120, from “6 Skills Necessary for Menopausal Couples”

Rather, I call this the age of networks.
Now is not the time to choose who to cut ties with, but to build a network through connections.
Because countless networks, such as the network of relationships, the network of social services, and the network of medical care, have become the important foundation that supports me, enables me to survive, and allows me to prosper.
Among them, the network of relationships can be expanded through my efforts.
Those who want to cut their losses, cut their losses accordingly.
But if you think about your future, the rest of your life, your friendship should be strengthened.

--- p.151, from “Love is exclusive and intense, but friendship is universal and splendid.”

Friendships in adulthood are positively correlated with overall well-being and its components.
The quality of your friendships and social interactions with friends have been shown to significantly impact your level of well-being.
The higher the quality of your friendships, the more friends you meet regularly, the happier you feel and the more you feel that life is worth living.
If you have a friend who supports you and empathizes with you, and you are willing to help each other in times of need, you will feel a heart-warming joy and shout "Hallelujah" in your heart.
Especially when something good happens to me, my friend claps and celebrates with me, which greatly improves our well-being.
Ah, I suddenly think I hear Jo Yong-pil's 'Friend'.
My heart becomes grand.
Did you know that friendships improve health and even extend lifespan? Adults with strong social connections and good friends have a lower risk of depression, high blood pressure, and obesity.
Additionally, people who have meaningful relationships and social support live longer than their peers who don't.
That's why the Mayo Clinic, one of the world's leading hospitals, recommends that people participate in community activities and volunteer work to improve their health and longevity, readily accept invitations from others, join religious groups, and take frequent walks.
Alone? No, with a friend.
By participating in activities like this, you greatly increase your chances of making good friends.
--- pp.170-171, from “Taking Care of Old Friends is Taking Care of Myself”

Don't judge others.
You are my senior colleagues, not my moral teachers or judges.
If you make moral judgments about your junior's mistakes or, after determining the truth, focus only on punishment rather than solutions or prevention, then your relationship will not survive.
If we were to compare you with your juniors and younger colleagues based solely on ability, you might end up with no place to stand.
How capable are young people these days?
English and a second foreign language are basic skills, and there are many people who are armed with various certifications, and who can travel freely abroad and have global flexibility.
Even though he is taller, he is also much more well-groomed.
But Generation M is a generation of despair and a generation with high anxiety due to perfectionism, and Generation Z is a generation that has lost so much, from the Sewol Ferry disaster to COVID-19, so they are called the generation of loss.
Please read quietly the anxiety and loss that lurks in the hearts of these two generations, who seem to be not only confident but also shameless.
Even if we discuss their work, I hope we do not interfere or judge their lives.
--- pp.237-238, from “‘Old Man’ Doesn’t Discriminate by Age”

Praise is an incredibly powerful psychological resource.
Praise is a very basic human need, and it cultivates the field of happiness that enriches life.
First, I will tell you about the 10 effects of praise.
Praise gives you confidence, helps you grow, motivates you to do everything, and gives you a new direction in life.
It broadens and warms the mind, brightens the surroundings, and helps people live positively, thereby fostering good interpersonal relationships.
Praise is a catalyst that moves the heart and a verbal reward that stimulates people's motivation.
Receiving praise makes me feel like, 'Oh, I'm a truly valuable person,' and it gives me energy and helps me live life with confidence and ease.
--- pp.256-257, from “Praise Never Betrays”

Humans are inherently negative.
I am more influenced by negative emotions than positive emotions.
This is called the negativity bias, and it is essential for survival.
If you are more sensitive to losses than gains and more sensitive to failures than successes, your life will not be ruined.
It's an instinctive way of self-protection.
But when you go beyond your instincts and adjust your negativity bias to positive emotions, you get benefits that go beyond self-protection.
Because positive emotions that allow you to interpret situations positively can create an extraordinary life.
First of all, positive people live longer.
Although religious people live longer than non-religious people, positive emotions also have an impact within religious groups.
A research team led by Deborah Danner of the University of Kentucky in the United States evaluated the content and degree of expression of positive emotions in the autobiographies written by 180 nuns living in similar convents around the age of 22, and analyzed their survival rates between the ages of 75 and 95. The researchers found that those with more content and expression of positive emotions lived more than 10 years longer.
The group with high levels of positive emotions had a 2.5 times lower risk of death than the group with low levels.
Ah, someone like me who has a high brightness index, is full of positive emotions, and loves religion, I think I can live forever if I do well.

--- pp.265-266, from “Be a cheerful person wherever you are”