All relationships begin with the way you speak.
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Description
Book Introduction
"Short but powerful!" "The book of my life!" "I wish everyone would read it and put it into practice!" “Guys, your salary could go up just by the way you speak!” A rave review from readers! A must-have for self-improvement! The hotly anticipated bestseller "All Relationships Begin with Speech" has been released in a special edition commemorating the sale of 100,000 copies! The sensational bestseller, "All Relationships Begin with Speech," transformed 100,000 readers into likeable individuals! For those who haven't yet encountered the book, a special edition commemorating its 100,000th copy release has been released. Before it's too late, let's transform into a 'person who is pleasant to meet' by equipping ourselves with a favorable tone of speech with this book! |
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index
People in the West Gate are remembered by their speech.
Chapter 1: People Seem Different Just by Changing Their Speech
Speech is a habit
When you need to be eloquent vs. when you need to be articulate
Speech is the language of emotion, not logic.
The answer lies in the other person's tone of voice.
Even speech has its aging effects.
The subject creates the tone of speech
Speech should vary depending on one's position.
It's the tone, not the content, that dominates the conversation.
The Rule of Good Speech ① The First Step to Becoming a Likeable Person: The Mehrabian Rule
Chapter 2: A way of speaking that makes you feel good anytime, anywhere
'Thanks to' to gain the other person's trust
Honesty can sometimes be rude.
Even speech needs makeup
Pretend not to know, rather than pretend to know
Positive inquiry speech that breaks down the walls of the mind
A phrase that works anytime, anywhere: "I believe in you."
The moment you acknowledge the difference, the other person's mouth opens.
Good things to say to an introvert
React repeatedly to the other person's concerns.
The Law of Good Speaking ② The Psychology of Persuasion Using Past Experience: The Immune Effect
Chapter 3: The Habit of Speaking That Will Improve Your Work and Relationships
What to say in a cafe vs. what to say in a conference room
If you ask good questions, you won't be rejected.
Join the other person's anger with a cider tone.
Sometimes you have to let go of formality to get what you want.
A specific direction moves the opponent.
People open their hearts to those who tell them about their good points.
Unwarranted praise that satisfies the need for recognition
Just saying "I see!" can make for a perfect meeting.
Rule of Good Tone ③ Negotiation Success: "I'll give you a car for 1.5 million won."
Chapter 4: Avoiding and Avoiding Good Speech
A 'contemptuous' tone of speech that devalues the other person's worth
The phrase "You don't have to know" can make you a person who really doesn't know.
"Just keep it brief" can sever a relationship.
Just one 'dapjeongneo' tone can make you a 'old fart'
Never empathize with the other person's weaknesses.
A tone that evades the question will only cause more trouble.
A simple apology is better than a systematic excuse.
A customer-friendly tone that is only superficially friendly
Psychological distance is as important as physical distance.
The Rules of Good Speaking ④ Franz & Bennigson, "There's a Right Time for Apologies"
Chapter 5: How to Express Yourself Assertively Without Being Aggressive
Adjust the intensity of your speech to stimulate the other person's emotions.
Saying the impossible is possible is not affirmation.
Always add a positive comment after a rejection.
Using the authority of a third party gives your words more power.
An emotional approach takes precedence over logical precision.
Excessive honesty ends up hurting me.
A trustworthy person is defined by their speech.
The courage to protect myself is true courage.
The way you speak to me is good in itself.
The Law of Good Speaking ⑤ The Curse of Knowledge: Sometimes Knowledge Blocks Communication
Chapter 1: People Seem Different Just by Changing Their Speech
Speech is a habit
When you need to be eloquent vs. when you need to be articulate
Speech is the language of emotion, not logic.
The answer lies in the other person's tone of voice.
Even speech has its aging effects.
The subject creates the tone of speech
Speech should vary depending on one's position.
It's the tone, not the content, that dominates the conversation.
The Rule of Good Speech ① The First Step to Becoming a Likeable Person: The Mehrabian Rule
Chapter 2: A way of speaking that makes you feel good anytime, anywhere
'Thanks to' to gain the other person's trust
Honesty can sometimes be rude.
Even speech needs makeup
Pretend not to know, rather than pretend to know
Positive inquiry speech that breaks down the walls of the mind
A phrase that works anytime, anywhere: "I believe in you."
The moment you acknowledge the difference, the other person's mouth opens.
Good things to say to an introvert
React repeatedly to the other person's concerns.
The Law of Good Speaking ② The Psychology of Persuasion Using Past Experience: The Immune Effect
Chapter 3: The Habit of Speaking That Will Improve Your Work and Relationships
What to say in a cafe vs. what to say in a conference room
If you ask good questions, you won't be rejected.
Join the other person's anger with a cider tone.
Sometimes you have to let go of formality to get what you want.
A specific direction moves the opponent.
People open their hearts to those who tell them about their good points.
Unwarranted praise that satisfies the need for recognition
Just saying "I see!" can make for a perfect meeting.
Rule of Good Tone ③ Negotiation Success: "I'll give you a car for 1.5 million won."
Chapter 4: Avoiding and Avoiding Good Speech
A 'contemptuous' tone of speech that devalues the other person's worth
The phrase "You don't have to know" can make you a person who really doesn't know.
"Just keep it brief" can sever a relationship.
Just one 'dapjeongneo' tone can make you a 'old fart'
Never empathize with the other person's weaknesses.
A tone that evades the question will only cause more trouble.
A simple apology is better than a systematic excuse.
A customer-friendly tone that is only superficially friendly
Psychological distance is as important as physical distance.
The Rules of Good Speaking ④ Franz & Bennigson, "There's a Right Time for Apologies"
Chapter 5: How to Express Yourself Assertively Without Being Aggressive
Adjust the intensity of your speech to stimulate the other person's emotions.
Saying the impossible is possible is not affirmation.
Always add a positive comment after a rejection.
Using the authority of a third party gives your words more power.
An emotional approach takes precedence over logical precision.
Excessive honesty ends up hurting me.
A trustworthy person is defined by their speech.
The courage to protect myself is true courage.
The way you speak to me is good in itself.
The Law of Good Speaking ⑤ The Curse of Knowledge: Sometimes Knowledge Blocks Communication
Detailed image
Into the book
Why do people called "dog-heads" have this stigma? It's because of their speech.
Because of his mannerisms and appearance, he was instantly reduced to a dog.
If you want to be reborn as a gentleman, your first priority is to examine your speech and identify the problem areas that need to be corrected immediately.
Of course, it's not just a problem for older men.
If you want to break away from the negative image and be remembered as a person who is liked by people, remember that the answer lies in the way you speak. Now, let's learn specific ways to put it into practice one by one.
Pages 19-20
Both the way you speak and your tone of voice are important.
In a competitive situation, when you need to stand out from others, your gift of gab becomes powerful.
The tone is a little different.
Especially when you are in the position of a leader or a strong person, the importance of your speech becomes even greater.
As you get older and your position increases, you should pay more attention to using the right tone of voice rather than using strong language.
If you show off your power, authority, and superiority without hesitation, you should not forget that, contrary to your intentions, it may become a form of verbal abuse to the other person.
If you are talented and have a great personality, but the other person doesn't want to get close to you, check your tone of voice right now.
_Page 24
“I have to finish the report by tomorrow.
“Please finish it, even if it means working overtime or something.”
As I was leaving work, my boss gave me a sudden order.
The subordinates are speechless and answer “yes.”
Did the report actually turn out as the boss expected? It's easy to imagine that when the boss receives the report the next day, he'll scold you, saying, "When did I tell you to do this?"
So, is this the fault of the subordinates? No.
It's the boss's fault.
The boss interpreted the subordinate's "yes" answer, obtained in a coercive atmosphere, as a positive answer 'at his own discretion.'
You were mistaken.
More than half of the subordinates' "yes" answers were based on the thought, "By tomorrow... I'll just have to make do with the money."
However, it is the fault of the superior who took the subordinate's "yes" as a sign of approval, because he heard only what he wanted to hear.
This can be said to be an example of a case where things ended up going wrong because there was no basic interest in the other person's tone of voice.
-Pages 29-30
There is something called the 'desire for recognition' in people's hearts.
If this need for recognition is not met, people may have low self-esteem, become anxious, and become psychologically unstable.
However, you can satisfy the other person's need for recognition with just one word.
This is a compliment.
The important thing here is that praising the person themselves, rather than praising the other person's achievements or results, is an important point that satisfies the need for recognition.
Of course, it is important to give a reason when giving a compliment.
But in praise, emotion takes precedence over logic.
Page 117
There are so many people who love to talk.
I want to run away, but I can't because if I leave during the principal's speech time, I'll have to endure punishment all morning.
How much anger and irritation did we endure while listening to it, feeling dizzy in the hot summer or rubbing our hands in the cold winter?
Because you are weak in a power relationship, the things you have to hear unilaterally are especially boring and dull.
This is an example of bad speech that comes from the idea that since you have power, it is polite for the other person to listen to you without saying anything.
This is when you become a 'factor of fatigue' to the other person by only speaking your own thoughts.
The more concise the speech, the better.
It refers to the ability to say what the other person wants easily, comfortably, and concisely.
Speaking concisely is what it means to speak well.
There are many people who are 'good at talking'.
People often mistakenly believe that speaking well means speaking at length without interruption.
no.
Talking like that is just boring and annoying to the listener.
-Page 149
In common parlance, a 'rude person' and a 'polite person' can be distinguished by these few words.
In fact, the 'positive No' tone of voice is even more necessary for people in the 'A' position.
Let's say you've received quotes from several companies for a project, compared them, and eliminated all but one.
If you tell the company that was eliminated at this point, “Your company is not price competitive,” the other party will be hurt and any further relationship will be impossible.
If you're never going to see that person again, you can say this.
But is it really necessary to be this cold in human relationships?
Even a single word of rejection must be said with courtesy.
You should be able to rephrase it as follows:
“I was a little disappointed with the price.
But the level of technology was top-notch.
“I would definitely like to work with you again next time.”
Whether it's true or not, you will be able to continue to lead the conversation going forward.
It is also a forward-looking way of speaking that does not arbitrarily damage human relationships formed through work.
What tone of voice will you choose?
Pages 172-173
Because of his mannerisms and appearance, he was instantly reduced to a dog.
If you want to be reborn as a gentleman, your first priority is to examine your speech and identify the problem areas that need to be corrected immediately.
Of course, it's not just a problem for older men.
If you want to break away from the negative image and be remembered as a person who is liked by people, remember that the answer lies in the way you speak. Now, let's learn specific ways to put it into practice one by one.
Pages 19-20
Both the way you speak and your tone of voice are important.
In a competitive situation, when you need to stand out from others, your gift of gab becomes powerful.
The tone is a little different.
Especially when you are in the position of a leader or a strong person, the importance of your speech becomes even greater.
As you get older and your position increases, you should pay more attention to using the right tone of voice rather than using strong language.
If you show off your power, authority, and superiority without hesitation, you should not forget that, contrary to your intentions, it may become a form of verbal abuse to the other person.
If you are talented and have a great personality, but the other person doesn't want to get close to you, check your tone of voice right now.
_Page 24
“I have to finish the report by tomorrow.
“Please finish it, even if it means working overtime or something.”
As I was leaving work, my boss gave me a sudden order.
The subordinates are speechless and answer “yes.”
Did the report actually turn out as the boss expected? It's easy to imagine that when the boss receives the report the next day, he'll scold you, saying, "When did I tell you to do this?"
So, is this the fault of the subordinates? No.
It's the boss's fault.
The boss interpreted the subordinate's "yes" answer, obtained in a coercive atmosphere, as a positive answer 'at his own discretion.'
You were mistaken.
More than half of the subordinates' "yes" answers were based on the thought, "By tomorrow... I'll just have to make do with the money."
However, it is the fault of the superior who took the subordinate's "yes" as a sign of approval, because he heard only what he wanted to hear.
This can be said to be an example of a case where things ended up going wrong because there was no basic interest in the other person's tone of voice.
-Pages 29-30
There is something called the 'desire for recognition' in people's hearts.
If this need for recognition is not met, people may have low self-esteem, become anxious, and become psychologically unstable.
However, you can satisfy the other person's need for recognition with just one word.
This is a compliment.
The important thing here is that praising the person themselves, rather than praising the other person's achievements or results, is an important point that satisfies the need for recognition.
Of course, it is important to give a reason when giving a compliment.
But in praise, emotion takes precedence over logic.
Page 117
There are so many people who love to talk.
I want to run away, but I can't because if I leave during the principal's speech time, I'll have to endure punishment all morning.
How much anger and irritation did we endure while listening to it, feeling dizzy in the hot summer or rubbing our hands in the cold winter?
Because you are weak in a power relationship, the things you have to hear unilaterally are especially boring and dull.
This is an example of bad speech that comes from the idea that since you have power, it is polite for the other person to listen to you without saying anything.
This is when you become a 'factor of fatigue' to the other person by only speaking your own thoughts.
The more concise the speech, the better.
It refers to the ability to say what the other person wants easily, comfortably, and concisely.
Speaking concisely is what it means to speak well.
There are many people who are 'good at talking'.
People often mistakenly believe that speaking well means speaking at length without interruption.
no.
Talking like that is just boring and annoying to the listener.
-Page 149
In common parlance, a 'rude person' and a 'polite person' can be distinguished by these few words.
In fact, the 'positive No' tone of voice is even more necessary for people in the 'A' position.
Let's say you've received quotes from several companies for a project, compared them, and eliminated all but one.
If you tell the company that was eliminated at this point, “Your company is not price competitive,” the other party will be hurt and any further relationship will be impossible.
If you're never going to see that person again, you can say this.
But is it really necessary to be this cold in human relationships?
Even a single word of rejection must be said with courtesy.
You should be able to rephrase it as follows:
“I was a little disappointed with the price.
But the level of technology was top-notch.
“I would definitely like to work with you again next time.”
Whether it's true or not, you will be able to continue to lead the conversation going forward.
It is also a forward-looking way of speaking that does not arbitrarily damage human relationships formed through work.
What tone of voice will you choose?
Pages 172-173
--- From the text
Publisher's Review
One wrong turn of speech can ruin a meal.
The decisive factor between liking and disliking lies in the way you speak!
A blind date opportunity that came after a long time.
I went to the meeting place with a fluttering heart and saw a person who I really liked in appearance, manners, and style.
Just as the corners of my mouth were about to turn up, thinking, 'Spring has finally come to my life!', the seemingly nonsensical words came out of the other person's mouth.
This is the moment when everything falls apart.
A person who is perfect in every way, but because of one small word, he becomes someone you no longer want to talk to.
This kind of low-class speech, irritated speech, direct speech… One of the problems of people who are the ultimate in dislike is their speech.
It's the same at work.
No matter how talented or motivated an employee is, if they use a whiny, nervous, or dismissive tone, they will never be able to move the other person's heart, no matter how good their opinions or brilliant ideas are.
One small change in tone can ruin all the abilities you have worked so hard to build.
“Just by changing the way you speak, people look different!”
It's hard to develop the gift of gab overnight, but you can change your way of speaking right now!
In this way, a wrong tone of voice can instantly turn someone from being liked to disliked, but on the other hand, a single good word of voice can be a very important starting point that can change your life.
Just by using just one proper tone of voice, you can move the other person's heart, change the mood of the conversation, and make work and relationships much easier.
The 'warm coffee effect' by Yale University psychology professor John Bargh is an experiment that supports the powerful power of even a seemingly trivial tone of voice.
Professor John Bargh divided the subjects into two groups and had them each hold a warm cup of coffee and a cold cup of coffee.
Afterwards, the subjects became interviewers and interviewed the same person.
The results were surprising.
The group holding the warm cup all responded that they would hire the person they interviewed, while the group holding the cold cup all responded that they would not hire the person.
The outcome of the interview changed just by changing the temperature of the coffee cup held for 2-3 minutes.
This experiment shows that the human mind is moved by very small things, not by something grand.
The same is true in human relationships.
It is not 'flowery words' but 'small words' that can move the other person's heart and bring about dramatic changes in life. This is the easiest way and the most powerful weapon.
This book, written by a communication expert who personally visited conversation sites and captured the powerful power of speech that we have been missing in everyday conversations at work, at home, and with friends, presents real-life examples and solutions for the likable speech that we must adopt and the unlikable speech that we must immediately abandon and avoid.
From 'a person I want to avoid' to 'a person I want to meet again!'
The miracle of small words that create pleasant communication
How would you respond if a colleague who struggles with report writing confided in you, “I don’t know why writing reports is so difficult?”
"I know.
“If you just write reports well, you’ll be perfect.” Beep-.
If you respond in such a sarcastic tone, no matter how sincere your words are, your colleague will only feel worse and will be reluctant to continue the conversation.
In this situation, “I’m so busy with work that I never have enough time to focus on reports.
For example, “I wish I had a little more leeway,” the point of empathy should be aligned with the other person’s feelings, not their weaknesses.
In addition to this, the methods in this book are very easy to implement in everyday life, such as 'always add a positive comment after rejection', 'when the other person is angry, join in their anger with a refreshing tone', and 'sometimes use the authority of a third party to effectively convey what you want'.
If you practice just one way of speaking a day, as taught in this book, to show what kind of tone people use when having a good conversation and what kind of tone people find favorable, you will not only be remembered as a pleasant person, but you will also experience a dramatic change in which people will naturally gather around you.
If you've unintentionally created misunderstandings in relationships or unintentionally faced uncomfortable situations because of your speech, now is the time to start a new life by adopting a more likable way of speaking!
The decisive factor between liking and disliking lies in the way you speak!
A blind date opportunity that came after a long time.
I went to the meeting place with a fluttering heart and saw a person who I really liked in appearance, manners, and style.
Just as the corners of my mouth were about to turn up, thinking, 'Spring has finally come to my life!', the seemingly nonsensical words came out of the other person's mouth.
This is the moment when everything falls apart.
A person who is perfect in every way, but because of one small word, he becomes someone you no longer want to talk to.
This kind of low-class speech, irritated speech, direct speech… One of the problems of people who are the ultimate in dislike is their speech.
It's the same at work.
No matter how talented or motivated an employee is, if they use a whiny, nervous, or dismissive tone, they will never be able to move the other person's heart, no matter how good their opinions or brilliant ideas are.
One small change in tone can ruin all the abilities you have worked so hard to build.
“Just by changing the way you speak, people look different!”
It's hard to develop the gift of gab overnight, but you can change your way of speaking right now!
In this way, a wrong tone of voice can instantly turn someone from being liked to disliked, but on the other hand, a single good word of voice can be a very important starting point that can change your life.
Just by using just one proper tone of voice, you can move the other person's heart, change the mood of the conversation, and make work and relationships much easier.
The 'warm coffee effect' by Yale University psychology professor John Bargh is an experiment that supports the powerful power of even a seemingly trivial tone of voice.
Professor John Bargh divided the subjects into two groups and had them each hold a warm cup of coffee and a cold cup of coffee.
Afterwards, the subjects became interviewers and interviewed the same person.
The results were surprising.
The group holding the warm cup all responded that they would hire the person they interviewed, while the group holding the cold cup all responded that they would not hire the person.
The outcome of the interview changed just by changing the temperature of the coffee cup held for 2-3 minutes.
This experiment shows that the human mind is moved by very small things, not by something grand.
The same is true in human relationships.
It is not 'flowery words' but 'small words' that can move the other person's heart and bring about dramatic changes in life. This is the easiest way and the most powerful weapon.
This book, written by a communication expert who personally visited conversation sites and captured the powerful power of speech that we have been missing in everyday conversations at work, at home, and with friends, presents real-life examples and solutions for the likable speech that we must adopt and the unlikable speech that we must immediately abandon and avoid.
From 'a person I want to avoid' to 'a person I want to meet again!'
The miracle of small words that create pleasant communication
How would you respond if a colleague who struggles with report writing confided in you, “I don’t know why writing reports is so difficult?”
"I know.
“If you just write reports well, you’ll be perfect.” Beep-.
If you respond in such a sarcastic tone, no matter how sincere your words are, your colleague will only feel worse and will be reluctant to continue the conversation.
In this situation, “I’m so busy with work that I never have enough time to focus on reports.
For example, “I wish I had a little more leeway,” the point of empathy should be aligned with the other person’s feelings, not their weaknesses.
In addition to this, the methods in this book are very easy to implement in everyday life, such as 'always add a positive comment after rejection', 'when the other person is angry, join in their anger with a refreshing tone', and 'sometimes use the authority of a third party to effectively convey what you want'.
If you practice just one way of speaking a day, as taught in this book, to show what kind of tone people use when having a good conversation and what kind of tone people find favorable, you will not only be remembered as a pleasant person, but you will also experience a dramatic change in which people will naturally gather around you.
If you've unintentionally created misunderstandings in relationships or unintentionally faced uncomfortable situations because of your speech, now is the time to start a new life by adopting a more likable way of speaking!
GOODS SPECIFICS
- Date of publication: June 19, 2017
- Page count, weight, size: 200 pages | 354g | 146*210*17mm
- ISBN13: 9788960863859
- ISBN10: 8960863858
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