prolog

Part 1 - Between the First and the Second _ The closest and the farthest, the most intimate and the most difficult
1.
Why do we need brothers and sisters?
Sisters, Brothers, Older Sisters, Older Brothers, and Younger Brothers | Why I Want Siblings | Reality is Different
2.
The Truth About Sibling Relationships
Characteristics of Sibling Relationships | Developmental Changes in Sibling Relationships | The Influence of Siblings on Each Other
3.
Raise your children differently based on their birth order.
Firstborn, the dethroned king | Secondborn, the brilliant mediator | Middleborn, the resilient life force | Youngest child, the great achiever | Only child, the optimistic idealist | Twins and multiple children, the balance between individuality and connection

Part 2 - I've Got a Little Brother! _ Don't Let Your First Child Hurt
1.
The moment you have a younger sibling
When and how should I tell her I'm pregnant?
2.
Things to do before giving birth for your first child
Sharing Housework and Childcare | Bonding with a Secondary Caregiver | Establishing Stable Sleep Habits | Weaning from Nighttime Feeding | Preparing for Separation During Postpartum Care | Preparing for a Newborn
3.
First meeting with my younger brother
Meet your sibling as soon as possible | Focus on the child, not the baby | Exchange gifts | Hold the baby
4.
First life with my younger sibling
Have fun with your firstborn | Involve your firstborn in babysitting | Explain every little thing to them | Make your firstborn a star | Make sure they feel loved | Minimize changes | Monitor your child's needs | Bond with your sibling | Problems that may arise after the arrival of a sibling (Q&A)
5.
When my little brother started crawling
Protecting your oldest child's belongings | Not demanding that they play with their younger siblings | Responding enthusiastically when they are a positive influence on each other | Finding time for your oldest child | Not taking sides | Teaching them how to care for their wounds | Problems that can arise when your younger sibling starts crawling (Q&A)

Part 3 - My name is Dongsaeng _ Don't let your second child's heart waver
1.
The second one is always sad
Don't feel inferior | Don't lose your sense of identity | Don't feel alienated | Don't feel wronged
2.
Second, I want to win the competition.
Don't just try to satisfy your own needs | Be able to express your feelings | Problems that can arise when the second child recognizes the first (Q&A)

Part 4 - Children Who Grow Up While Fighting - You Can Grow Up Without Fighting
1.
What makes children fight?
Fights That Start in Love Triangles | Arguments Can Be Both "Healing" and "Poison" | Why Kids Fight | Are Children's Fights Competition or Abuse?
2.
Characteristics of families where children fight a lot
Parents who don't understand fighting | Parents who limit physical aggression | Parents who don't fully resolve conflict

Part 5 - Yesterday's Fight, Today's Fight - Parents' Attitudes to Dealing with Sibling Conflicts
1.
Principles parents should have between two children
Let go of comparisons and labels | Listen to your child | Show love | Don't use your child as a role model | Give individual attention | Acknowledge each child's needs | Set clear boundaries | Plan family activities | Be on the same side | Adjust daily routines | Establish house rules
2.
How to manage the sibling conflict?
Parental intervention is all about timing | Humor wins conflict | Fighting rules and timeouts | Fights are best broken up with a whisper | Time to calm down | What to do in these situations

Part 6 - How to Raise a Child Who Doesn't Fight with Siblings - Sibling Love Doesn't Come Naturally
1.
Increase emotional intelligence
Talking about emotions | Interpreting your child's feelings and needs | Skills for talking without blaming | Demonstrating prosocial behavior | Sometimes behavioral limits are necessary | Resolving negative emotions | Coaching each other to set limits | Teaching creative ways to express emotions
2.
Develop problem-solving skills
Show calm | Let them know there's a problem | Remove the source of the conflict | Don't judge your child's ideas | Prioritize family rules | Get your child's buy-in | Invite them into the problem-solving process | Write down solutions together | Evaluate solutions together | Monitor together | Establish new family rules | Practice sibling conflict resolution
3.
Learn negotiation skills
Trading | Sweet Deals | Taking Turns | Trading in Order | Sharing | Cooperating | Making Rules | Writing Agreements
4.
Reduce competition
Empathize with injustice; Don't be lured into comparison and competition; Buy things based on needs; Love unconditionally; Don't discriminate based on gender or age; Don't label others; Praise them individually; Discover cooperative games; Don't let your siblings feel superior when they fail; Provide personal space and time.
5.
Increase emotional bonding
Respect individuality | Acknowledge when children help each other | Team up children | Play games that require cooperation | Teach children to show interest

Children who grow up fighting?
You can grow as much as you want without fighting!

Many parents have a second child in the hopes that their most precious child in the world will have a best friend in life, feel a strong sense of brotherhood, and grow up without feeling lonely.
But contrary to expectations, the first child becomes jealous of the second child and harasses him, while the second child cries for attention and love.
Moreover, parents are exhausted from trying to stop the fights between two children who fight every time they open their eyes.
And before you know it, you forget your own role and become a parent who hurts both children.

For the eldest child who monopolized the love of his mother and father, the appearance of a younger sibling is the beginning of a crisis.
It is a huge shock to a child when his or her parents, who used to kiss him or her and love him or her the most, look at a stranger with love.
There is even a saying that “the appearance of a second child to a first child is similar to the feelings of a wife watching her husband suddenly bring his lover and show off his affection in front of her.”
The first child, unable to accept such a sudden change, begins to behave in unusual ways that they had never done before, and the parents, not knowing how to respond to such a child, just stamp their feet and end up becoming 'half-baked parents.'


When a second child is born, parents naturally pour their love and attention on the younger baby.
And the first one is always expected to take good care of his younger sibling and act well.
As a result, you may get angry or use physical punishment to control the behavior of your older child who is acting in a way that has never been done before.
But when a second child is born, the one who needs more attention is the first child.
First, you need to listen to the complex emotions your child may have toward his or her younger sibling, acknowledge the child's negative emotions, and help him or her resolve them.
At the same time, you need to make them feel that they are loved just like their younger sibling.
At the same time, we must understand and cherish the feelings of the second child who is hated by the first child for no reason from the moment he is born and lives a life of struggle invisibly.
What is needed is parental attention and a parenting style that acknowledges the child as the child he or she is, not just a 'younger sibling' within the family.
Only then will the two children accept each other not as competitors, but as life partners who share both sorrow and joy.


[My child has changed] [60 Minute Parent] Parenting mentor Director Lee Bo-yeon tells us
Raising two children without making a fuss

Parents are the ones who guide their children in the right direction so that they can live a happy life.
When you find a balance between the two children and show them love, the older child's heart will not be broken when he or she is robbed of his or her place by his or her younger sibling, and the younger child's heart will not be shaken when faced with the great obstacle of having an older sibling.


In this book, “Don’t let your first child’s heart hurt, and don’t let your second child’s heart waver,” parenting mentor Director Lee Bo-yeon shares educational methods that will give your first child the love he or she needs and the attention your second child needs.
Two children who feel loved enough in their respective positions will choose affection over fighting.
And it reveals the technique of how siblings who fight as soon as they open their eyes develop into friendly and understanding friends.
They say that children grow up fighting, but fights between siblings in childhood leave lifelong scars and hinder self-identity and self-esteem.
These experiences can have a negative impact on interpersonal relationships as adults.
Therefore, the more children grow up without fighting, the more they can develop their individuality and strengths and demonstrate social skills.


The book's comprehensive approach to dealing with children's fights, along with the various problem-solving techniques and examples for building sibling bonds, are so effective that they can be applied immediately when children start fighting.
As these techniques are repeated, parental intervention will decrease and children will learn to resolve conflicts amicably and transform their relationships into the best friends and comrades in the world.
Before you know it, the children's jealousy, envy, and fights will decrease, and the parents will be able to give their children the utmost love without raising their voices.

Raise your first and second children differently!
The Truth About Siblings Raised Differently Based on Birth Order

Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, believed that birth order within a family had a significant impact on shaping an individual's lifestyle.
Generally, children born in a particular birth order have characteristics that correspond to that order.
Adler argued that the greatest psychological driving force that causes humans to behave in certain ways is 'inferiority complex'.
All humans have an inferiority complex, and the effort to overcome this and become superior has a great influence on human character and lifestyle.
And one of the factors that has a great influence on this inferiority complex is ‘birth order.’
Because the number of birth a child has has a decisive impact on his or her position.
Birth order is an indicator of differences in age, physique, strength, and status within the family.
It is not the birth order itself, but the variables that result from it, that influence a child's personality.


The first child is the object of envy during the time when he or she monopolizes all the love, but when a younger sibling is born, this child's situation and world view change dramatically.
Adler sometimes likened the first child to a "dethroned king," and said that this could be emotionally traumatic.
The first child, who has monopolized the attention and love of his parents, is likely to fall into shock and loss with the appearance of the second child.
Because of this, children who see their younger siblings may show signs of regression, such as wetting their clothes or a rapid decline in vocabulary, or may show aggressive behavior, such as hitting or pinching their younger siblings.
They may interfere with their parents' care for their younger siblings, or they may exhibit baby-like behaviors, such as trying to suckle from their mother or being unable to sleep alone.

For second-born children, they have to compete with older siblings who are much more advanced than them from birth.
It is about growing up in a world of stimulation and challenges to surpass the strengths of the first.
As a result, they develop a personality that is highly competitive and ambitious.
The second child, who strives hard to be the best, is sociable and loyal in relationships.
The second characteristic, which is his outstanding social life and his appearance as an 'excellent mediator', can be traced to this situation.

The relationship between siblings is the starting point for developing social skills by influencing each other.
As children grow up together, they take on various roles for each other, such as friends, colleagues, competitors, and ideal types.
Based on this, empathy, acceptance, and responsibility develop.
If parents do not understand the characteristics of siblings and show favoritism or do not keep the balance well, it can lead to negative consequences that hinder the development of various abilities of the child.
Sibling rivalry between two children can manifest itself in behaviors such as not wanting to share possessions with the sibling, displaying aggressive behavior and attitudes, or excessively criticizing the sibling for their mistakes.

This book talks about the different temperaments and personalities of children in different birth orders, from first and second children to middle and youngest children, only children, twins, and those with multiple children.
And by understanding and accepting these diverse temperaments and raising them, parents can help their children develop their innate strengths and reduce their weaknesses.
The most important thing when raising more than one child is to provide 'special parenting' that brings out the individual temperament and personality of each child.
Parents think it is right to treat all children equally, but it is wrong to treat children equally even though they have different appearances, thoughts, birth order, and personalities.
It is necessary to acknowledge the differences between the first and second children and provide parenting that is tailored to each child.
This book will be your guide.