How do I choose my other half?
A must-read for those who dream of beautiful encounters and dates.

From evangelical spiritual minister Gary Thomas:
The Spirituality of Meeting and Dating

This book is a completely revised and expanded edition of the widely read bestseller, “Love School.”
The author has completely revised and supplemented the book to reflect recent social changes and the dating reality of the younger generation.
We'll approach this in a more accessible and realistic way, with a wealth of examples that appeal to millennials and Generation Z, and with language and questions appropriate to the times.

Christians must make wise decisions before getting married.
Once you're married, for better or worse, your relationship dominates every morning, every night, every weekend, and every holiday.
Your spouse is the last person you see before you go to bed every night.
That's the face you see first thing when you wake up in the morning.
Your spouse's words can either encourage you or discourage you.
Your spouse's humor can either make you laugh out loud or make you cry with shame.
Your spouse's body can either delight you or threaten you.
Your spouse's hands can either hold you or hurt you.
The presence of a spouse can be a healing elixir or it can bring about all kinds of regrets.

--- p.40

You might be disappointed, but I think it's better to be honest.
There is no one in the world who can continue to fascinate you for the next 50 or 60 years.
If the other person is really fun and charming and you fall head over heels for them, that fascination can last for years.
But humans are selfish beings, so they eventually grow tired of each other.
No matter how rich, handsome, or famous a person is, they are still selfish.
The very relationships that once brought stability and vitality now feel like bondage and death.

--- p.43~44

Psychologically, women tend to feel romantic love for domineering men.
But what women ultimately want from their life partners is companionship, relationship skills, and the ability to express deep affection.
Dominant men usually lack that ability.
In other words, women, if you just follow your feelings, the person you fall in love with may thrill you as a boyfriend for 12 to 18 months, but is likely to frustrate you as a husband for 50 to 60 years.
On the other hand, men tend to feel romantic love for women who exude physical attractiveness.
But if there's one thing that changes most definitely in a person's life, it's their appearance.
Marriage is not about staying young together, but about growing old together.
As we age, our bodies change.

--- p.50~51

Waiting for someone to 'find' you is like hoping to win the lottery.
The opposite, wiser approach is to continue investing healthily.
Instead of vaguely waiting and hoping for luck in love, focus on making steady, wise investments.
Instead of scratching lottery tickets and hoping for luck, invest little by little over time.
There's no guarantee that you'll find a partner, but even if you don't, the process will build your inner strength and make you a better person.
That alone makes it worth it.

--- p.123

Dating can be a dangerous dance.
Most of us want to be truly known and accepted by others.
But on the other hand, I'm scared.
If the other person knew my true self, wouldn't they run away? Do I have anything worth showing? Would they be disgusted by my true self? Would they be afraid? Would they resent me? That's why we hide.
Some people would rather just get married than have their partner find out.
So rather than trying to get to know the other person, they try to please them.
Rather than consciously making myself known, I just try to impress my boyfriend or girlfriend.
We can never truly know each other through this kind of 'dance'.

--- p.259

The other person is still 'under construction' and is always in need of grace, so their sins should naturally be forgiven.
However, we must not overlook his questionable character.
Dating and marriage are different.
During a relationship, you should naturally evaluate the other person's qualifications as their personality is revealed.
You also have to keep trying to figure out whether you will give your heart to that person.

--- p.219

People who resolve conflicts healthily know how to admit their mistakes.
Even if it's only 10% your fault, admit that 10% cleanly.
However, it is not healthy to confess to a mistake when you have not done anything wrong.
Some people just say sorry for the sake of peace.
It is neither healthy nor biblical.
Your spouse must be humble enough to acknowledge his or her own flaws and wise enough to recognize yours.
Also, if you refuse to admit your sin and act arrogantly, your spouse must be courageous enough to stand his or her ground.

--- p.222

It is natural for opposite personalities to be attracted to each other, so there is no need to worry.
The point isn't that the two people have to be identical, but that they share the most important parts.
Among them, the common outlook on life comes first.
Knowing and truly respecting your marriage partner for who they really are is far more important than their similarities.

--- p.242