How to Smile and Deal with Rude People
 |
Description
Book Introduction
A national bestseller for 158 consecutive weeks!
Special revised edition to celebrate 500,000 copies sold!
“To those who suddenly cross the line
Without any emotional agitation, he said, “You stepped on gold.”
“Is there any way to let you know?”
As you live, you are bound to meet rude people.
They hurt me, embarrass me, and shake my self-esteem, which I struggle to hold onto.
Some relationships can be so energy-consuming just to maintain.
I want to tell you what's on my mind, but I keep it to myself for fear of being misunderstood or appearing selfish.
Is there a way to tell these people, "You've stepped on gold," without causing emotional distress? Of course there is.
That is exactly what this book is trying to tell you.
This book was published in 2018 under the same title and received enthusiastic support from readers, reaching number one on the overall bestseller list in all bookstores nationwide.
In the first half of that year, it was recorded as the best-selling book in Korea, which was unusual for an essay.
"How to Deal with Rude People with a Smile" has now been exported to Japan, Taiwan, Vietnam, Thailand, and Indonesia, and is popular throughout Asia.
This special revised edition, published to commemorate the book's continued success and its 500,000-copy bestseller, has revised some expressions and deleted or added new manuscripts to reflect the times.
The book's core message, "Practices for Self-Defense," remains useful to many.
Although individuals are powerless in the world, let us not forget that at least our surroundings can change depending on how we decide to respond.
Special revised edition to celebrate 500,000 copies sold!
“To those who suddenly cross the line
Without any emotional agitation, he said, “You stepped on gold.”
“Is there any way to let you know?”
As you live, you are bound to meet rude people.
They hurt me, embarrass me, and shake my self-esteem, which I struggle to hold onto.
Some relationships can be so energy-consuming just to maintain.
I want to tell you what's on my mind, but I keep it to myself for fear of being misunderstood or appearing selfish.
Is there a way to tell these people, "You've stepped on gold," without causing emotional distress? Of course there is.
That is exactly what this book is trying to tell you.
This book was published in 2018 under the same title and received enthusiastic support from readers, reaching number one on the overall bestseller list in all bookstores nationwide.
In the first half of that year, it was recorded as the best-selling book in Korea, which was unusual for an essay.
"How to Deal with Rude People with a Smile" has now been exported to Japan, Taiwan, Vietnam, Thailand, and Indonesia, and is popular throughout Asia.
This special revised edition, published to commemorate the book's continued success and its 500,000-copy bestseller, has revised some expressions and deleted or added new manuscripts to reflect the times.
The book's core message, "Practices for Self-Defense," remains useful to many.
Although individuals are powerless in the world, let us not forget that at least our surroundings can change depending on how we decide to respond.
- You can preview some of the book's contents.
Preview
index
[prolog]
To rude people you encounter in everyday life
How to deal with it
PART 1.
You don't have to be a good person
Human relationships are like a seesaw game.
Do you just want to sleep? Do you eat a lot? Are you feeling sad?
Why does my second daughter always fail in love?
Why the expression "confident" is uncomfortable
You don't have to be a good person
Don't hit me
We each live by healing our own wounds.
Buying an expensive bag doesn't bring happiness.
Miss's constitution
The bullying continues.
If you don't tell me to stop
You don't have to answer all the questions
Boredom with a lover with low self-esteem
The Trap of Memory Correction
PART 2.
A better world will come if things don't go well.
When you're unhappy, you become more interested in others.
So what if it's useless
You can't fix that person
Because I don't know, I don't easily criticize or ignore it.
How to raise a single person
People who lack empathy make those around them sick.
There's no need to strain yourself to get recognition.
Please respect my taste
As long as you don't become cynical, you won't fail even if you fail.
A better world will come if things don't go well.
PART 3.
How to Build Your Self-Expression Muscles
Be positive about life itself, be firm about bullshit!
How to Talk to Someone Who Keeps Crossing the Line
I need to let you know that that won't work.
Why You Should Learn to Praise Yourself
Practice saying no firmly and gracefully
It's not that you're sensitive
The Secret to Being the Only One
Be brave about your wounds
If you keep pretending, it will really happen.
Love is saying 'I'm sorry, thank you'
PART 4.
The habit of not being overwhelmed by negative words
The habit of not being overwhelmed by negative words
Don't be hurt by every single unloving criticism
Building mental muscle
People who trust themselves don't care about what others think.
Don't look for a mentor at work
What if your boss at work is arrogant?
Letting go of the self-esteem thief
I didn't get married to be a housekeeper.
It's comfortable to be a little bit of a stone
Sex that boosts self-esteem
PART 5.
How to Smile and Deal with Rude People
How to Smile and Deal with Rude People
It's not a scratch, it's a daily wear and tear.
Sometimes not trying is the best thing to do
Don't trust other people's words too much
People Graduation: Growing Up Through Separation
Cultivating insensitivity
I will do my best to make myself happy today.
If you keep saying harsh words to someone
Withhold judgment on people as much as possible
Minimalism is also necessary in networking.
[Epilogue]
To rude people you encounter in everyday life
How to deal with it
PART 1.
You don't have to be a good person
Human relationships are like a seesaw game.
Do you just want to sleep? Do you eat a lot? Are you feeling sad?
Why does my second daughter always fail in love?
Why the expression "confident" is uncomfortable
You don't have to be a good person
Don't hit me
We each live by healing our own wounds.
Buying an expensive bag doesn't bring happiness.
Miss's constitution
The bullying continues.
If you don't tell me to stop
You don't have to answer all the questions
Boredom with a lover with low self-esteem
The Trap of Memory Correction
PART 2.
A better world will come if things don't go well.
When you're unhappy, you become more interested in others.
So what if it's useless
You can't fix that person
Because I don't know, I don't easily criticize or ignore it.
How to raise a single person
People who lack empathy make those around them sick.
There's no need to strain yourself to get recognition.
Please respect my taste
As long as you don't become cynical, you won't fail even if you fail.
A better world will come if things don't go well.
PART 3.
How to Build Your Self-Expression Muscles
Be positive about life itself, be firm about bullshit!
How to Talk to Someone Who Keeps Crossing the Line
I need to let you know that that won't work.
Why You Should Learn to Praise Yourself
Practice saying no firmly and gracefully
It's not that you're sensitive
The Secret to Being the Only One
Be brave about your wounds
If you keep pretending, it will really happen.
Love is saying 'I'm sorry, thank you'
PART 4.
The habit of not being overwhelmed by negative words
The habit of not being overwhelmed by negative words
Don't be hurt by every single unloving criticism
Building mental muscle
People who trust themselves don't care about what others think.
Don't look for a mentor at work
What if your boss at work is arrogant?
Letting go of the self-esteem thief
I didn't get married to be a housekeeper.
It's comfortable to be a little bit of a stone
Sex that boosts self-esteem
PART 5.
How to Smile and Deal with Rude People
How to Smile and Deal with Rude People
It's not a scratch, it's a daily wear and tear.
Sometimes not trying is the best thing to do
Don't trust other people's words too much
People Graduation: Growing Up Through Separation
Cultivating insensitivity
I will do my best to make myself happy today.
If you keep saying harsh words to someone
Withhold judgment on people as much as possible
Minimalism is also necessary in networking.
[Epilogue]
Detailed image
Into the book
The idea of 'making a sacrifice' brings about a strange sense of reward.
Even if you fight over something that seems trivial on the surface, the fight often escalates into a bigger issue.
This is because inside a 'good person', there are things that have been endured for a long time that have piled up.
--- p.20
“I will raise you with great care.
I think that when you receive a lot of love, you don't become weak, but rather your inner core becomes stronger.
“You will compare yourself less to others.” And I add a joke.
“If you don’t receive love from your parents, you will fall in love with anyone who gives you even a little bit of attention later on.
Parents need to set high standards for how their children are treated, so they don’t get emotional when they grow up.”
--- p.60
When I recall something in life, I seem to have more memories of being 'hurt' than of 'hurting'.
Every time I see articles and comments on the Internet about things like 'the truth' and 'abuse of power', I think about it.
Why is it that while there are countless people who have been bullied, it's so hard to find someone who actually bullied someone? I've probably been there too, but I just wanted to forget.
This is how dangerous memory correction is.
--- p.78
The daily routine of feeling jealous when looking at friends' updates on Instagram, constantly being caught up in KakaoTalk alarms and chat rooms, is so shallow and stimulating that it can easily lead to mental illness.
My life is an unedited version shot in long takes.
It feels boring and tedious.
Meanwhile, other people's lives are edited and corrected trailers.
That's why it looks cool.
If I don't understand that, I feel like I'm the only one struggling in the world.
--- p.83
If you set up a relationship in which you keep giving in to unreasonable requests out of fear of being hated by the other person or of them leaving you if you say no, the side effects will only get worse.
The other party, recognizing the tilt of the relationship, continues to make unreasonable requests, even though they know it's unreasonable. The person receiving the request becomes increasingly discouraged and sensitive due to a distorted desire for recognition and a sense of victimization.
--- p.146
The reason we feel frustrated and angry in an organization is usually not because we work too hard, but because we feel frustrated that our efforts are not recognized.
On the other hand, if my seniors or juniors recognize my hard work and tell me they are grateful, I can find the strength to continue even when things are difficult.
--- p.169
When relatives you only see during holidays ask, “When are you getting a job?” or “When are you getting married?”, it’s just a greeting they exchange because they have nothing else to say.
At this time, don't be offended and just give a polite reply like, "I'll do it soon."
It's best to ignore people who ask questions to assert their authority.
These people often say unverifiable things like, “It wasn’t like that back then.”
--- p.178
I often see people around me who feel unhappy in their relationship but cannot break up, and as a result, their self-esteem drops even further, and they are unable to even think about breaking up.
In particular, as we age, the people who try to control us change in that order: parents, friends, lovers, and bosses at work.
If you haven't taken the initiative in a relationship at some point in your life, you'll be constantly at the mercy of the people you meet as you grow up.
They are self-esteem thieves who become more harmful the more you meet them.
--- p.201
We need to try to get rid of the habit of judging and ruminating on the other person's actions.
If you keep thinking about your intentions, it will lead to a sense of victimization.
When you see someone's reaction that you don't understand, you should just look at the facts that have been revealed and think, 'Well, I guess that's how they think.'
Such appropriate indifference and dullness can be an attitude that comes from respecting the other person rather than ignoring them.
If we treat each other with this attitude at work, our stress will be significantly reduced.
This was the secret to longevity of the successful office workers I met.
Even if you fight over something that seems trivial on the surface, the fight often escalates into a bigger issue.
This is because inside a 'good person', there are things that have been endured for a long time that have piled up.
--- p.20
“I will raise you with great care.
I think that when you receive a lot of love, you don't become weak, but rather your inner core becomes stronger.
“You will compare yourself less to others.” And I add a joke.
“If you don’t receive love from your parents, you will fall in love with anyone who gives you even a little bit of attention later on.
Parents need to set high standards for how their children are treated, so they don’t get emotional when they grow up.”
--- p.60
When I recall something in life, I seem to have more memories of being 'hurt' than of 'hurting'.
Every time I see articles and comments on the Internet about things like 'the truth' and 'abuse of power', I think about it.
Why is it that while there are countless people who have been bullied, it's so hard to find someone who actually bullied someone? I've probably been there too, but I just wanted to forget.
This is how dangerous memory correction is.
--- p.78
The daily routine of feeling jealous when looking at friends' updates on Instagram, constantly being caught up in KakaoTalk alarms and chat rooms, is so shallow and stimulating that it can easily lead to mental illness.
My life is an unedited version shot in long takes.
It feels boring and tedious.
Meanwhile, other people's lives are edited and corrected trailers.
That's why it looks cool.
If I don't understand that, I feel like I'm the only one struggling in the world.
--- p.83
If you set up a relationship in which you keep giving in to unreasonable requests out of fear of being hated by the other person or of them leaving you if you say no, the side effects will only get worse.
The other party, recognizing the tilt of the relationship, continues to make unreasonable requests, even though they know it's unreasonable. The person receiving the request becomes increasingly discouraged and sensitive due to a distorted desire for recognition and a sense of victimization.
--- p.146
The reason we feel frustrated and angry in an organization is usually not because we work too hard, but because we feel frustrated that our efforts are not recognized.
On the other hand, if my seniors or juniors recognize my hard work and tell me they are grateful, I can find the strength to continue even when things are difficult.
--- p.169
When relatives you only see during holidays ask, “When are you getting a job?” or “When are you getting married?”, it’s just a greeting they exchange because they have nothing else to say.
At this time, don't be offended and just give a polite reply like, "I'll do it soon."
It's best to ignore people who ask questions to assert their authority.
These people often say unverifiable things like, “It wasn’t like that back then.”
--- p.178
I often see people around me who feel unhappy in their relationship but cannot break up, and as a result, their self-esteem drops even further, and they are unable to even think about breaking up.
In particular, as we age, the people who try to control us change in that order: parents, friends, lovers, and bosses at work.
If you haven't taken the initiative in a relationship at some point in your life, you'll be constantly at the mercy of the people you meet as you grow up.
They are self-esteem thieves who become more harmful the more you meet them.
--- p.201
We need to try to get rid of the habit of judging and ruminating on the other person's actions.
If you keep thinking about your intentions, it will lead to a sense of victimization.
When you see someone's reaction that you don't understand, you should just look at the facts that have been revealed and think, 'Well, I guess that's how they think.'
Such appropriate indifference and dullness can be an attitude that comes from respecting the other person rather than ignoring them.
If we treat each other with this attitude at work, our stress will be significantly reduced.
This was the secret to longevity of the successful office workers I met.
--- p.246
Publisher's Review
Why is that person so rude to me?
Why did I say that?
Exported to over 6 countries, popular throughout Asia
This happened when broadcaster Lee Hyo-ri appeared on a variety show.
The host persistently demanded that they show the dance and song from when they were active as Fin.K.L. without prior coordination.
In a situation where one might frown, Hyori Lee smiled at the host and said, “You still do the old-style hosting,” and then naturally deflected the request by adding, “People these days don’t know much about Fin.K.L.’s songs.”
Even though the host was behind the times, the other guests responded positively, and Lee Hyo-ri took advantage of this opportunity to leisurely change the subject.
It was a humorous yet sophisticated response.
Here are some examples of similar situations but handled differently.
A famous girl group was asked by the hosts to appear on a variety show and show off their aegyo.
Then the members burst into tears, saying, "We don't want to show our aegyo."
You've probably been struggling with that demand for a long time.
When the members suddenly started crying, the atmosphere of the broadcast froze, and the girl group was criticized for being unprofessional, causing misunderstandings.
While I understand the stress they must have felt, I feel a lingering regret that it would have been better if they had responded a little more skillfully.
The author said that he felt even more sorry because he saw his old self in that appearance.
We meet many rude people in our daily lives.
There are people who suddenly cross the line, ignoring the fact that the psychological distance between each person and each relationship is different.
As the author went through his twenties, he realized that if he just tolerated people who hurt him, he would become powerless.
Because I wanted to live only as myself and not as someone else, I wanted to leisurely press the mute button on external noise that interfered with hearing my inner voice.
Just as you need to exercise a little every day to keep your body in shape, it also takes time and effort to build the muscles of self-expression.
But the author continued to practice tirelessly, and as a result, he says he no longer ruminates and blames himself every night for the hurt someone gave him.
There are ways to get your point across without getting angry or crying.
This book contains the most effective training methods the author has tried and the things he has learned along the way.
Don't be discouraged when you meet rude people.
There are many ways to warn someone elegantly while smiling.
I hope this book will be of practical help to those who want to find themselves among rude people.
How to Build Your Self-Expression Muscles
How to Express Discomfort in a Sophisticated Way
Be positive about life itself, be firm about bullshit!
We each live by healing our own wounds.
How to Talk to Someone Who Keeps Crossing the Line
Practice saying no firmly and gracefully
I need to let you know that that won't work.
What if your boss at work is arrogant?
A better world will come if things don't go well.
Don't be hurt by every single unloving criticism
Minimalism is also necessary in networking.
It is not easy for someone who has been suppressing what they want to say to suddenly become good at expressing themselves.
Just as it takes time and effort to go to the gym every day to build muscle, it also takes time and effort to build the muscle of self-expression.
But if you keep practicing without getting tired, you will stop brooding over the hurt someone has given you and blaming yourself.
There will also be fewer instances where you endure until you can no longer bear it, and then suddenly explode and cut ties with the other person.
Even people who have been abusing their power without a second thought correct their behavior when those who witness it actively criticize them.
The 'no look pass' protagonist, who showed us a new world of bullying, now leaves the airport holding onto his luggage whenever he returns home.
If you just let it go when you're rude, saying it's better to endure it for a while than to scratch and make a fuss, it becomes increasingly difficult to correct it.
When someone says, “No matter what, this isn’t right?” the world begins to slowly change.
The book talks in detail about the reality of human relationships that lie before us (Chapter 1: You Don't Have to Be a Good Person), reflections on that reality (Chapter 2: A Better World Comes If We Don't Get Along Well), and practical methods that will be helpful to those who want to find themselves among the people around us, from work and family to friends and lovers (Chapter 3: How to Build the Muscles of Self-Expression, Chapter 4: Habits of Not Being Overwhelmed by Negative Words, Chapter 5: How to Smile and Deal with Rude People).
I hope that this book will help readers live courageously.
Why did I say that?
Exported to over 6 countries, popular throughout Asia
This happened when broadcaster Lee Hyo-ri appeared on a variety show.
The host persistently demanded that they show the dance and song from when they were active as Fin.K.L. without prior coordination.
In a situation where one might frown, Hyori Lee smiled at the host and said, “You still do the old-style hosting,” and then naturally deflected the request by adding, “People these days don’t know much about Fin.K.L.’s songs.”
Even though the host was behind the times, the other guests responded positively, and Lee Hyo-ri took advantage of this opportunity to leisurely change the subject.
It was a humorous yet sophisticated response.
Here are some examples of similar situations but handled differently.
A famous girl group was asked by the hosts to appear on a variety show and show off their aegyo.
Then the members burst into tears, saying, "We don't want to show our aegyo."
You've probably been struggling with that demand for a long time.
When the members suddenly started crying, the atmosphere of the broadcast froze, and the girl group was criticized for being unprofessional, causing misunderstandings.
While I understand the stress they must have felt, I feel a lingering regret that it would have been better if they had responded a little more skillfully.
The author said that he felt even more sorry because he saw his old self in that appearance.
We meet many rude people in our daily lives.
There are people who suddenly cross the line, ignoring the fact that the psychological distance between each person and each relationship is different.
As the author went through his twenties, he realized that if he just tolerated people who hurt him, he would become powerless.
Because I wanted to live only as myself and not as someone else, I wanted to leisurely press the mute button on external noise that interfered with hearing my inner voice.
Just as you need to exercise a little every day to keep your body in shape, it also takes time and effort to build the muscles of self-expression.
But the author continued to practice tirelessly, and as a result, he says he no longer ruminates and blames himself every night for the hurt someone gave him.
There are ways to get your point across without getting angry or crying.
This book contains the most effective training methods the author has tried and the things he has learned along the way.
Don't be discouraged when you meet rude people.
There are many ways to warn someone elegantly while smiling.
I hope this book will be of practical help to those who want to find themselves among rude people.
How to Build Your Self-Expression Muscles
How to Express Discomfort in a Sophisticated Way
Be positive about life itself, be firm about bullshit!
We each live by healing our own wounds.
How to Talk to Someone Who Keeps Crossing the Line
Practice saying no firmly and gracefully
I need to let you know that that won't work.
What if your boss at work is arrogant?
A better world will come if things don't go well.
Don't be hurt by every single unloving criticism
Minimalism is also necessary in networking.
It is not easy for someone who has been suppressing what they want to say to suddenly become good at expressing themselves.
Just as it takes time and effort to go to the gym every day to build muscle, it also takes time and effort to build the muscle of self-expression.
But if you keep practicing without getting tired, you will stop brooding over the hurt someone has given you and blaming yourself.
There will also be fewer instances where you endure until you can no longer bear it, and then suddenly explode and cut ties with the other person.
Even people who have been abusing their power without a second thought correct their behavior when those who witness it actively criticize them.
The 'no look pass' protagonist, who showed us a new world of bullying, now leaves the airport holding onto his luggage whenever he returns home.
If you just let it go when you're rude, saying it's better to endure it for a while than to scratch and make a fuss, it becomes increasingly difficult to correct it.
When someone says, “No matter what, this isn’t right?” the world begins to slowly change.
The book talks in detail about the reality of human relationships that lie before us (Chapter 1: You Don't Have to Be a Good Person), reflections on that reality (Chapter 2: A Better World Comes If We Don't Get Along Well), and practical methods that will be helpful to those who want to find themselves among the people around us, from work and family to friends and lovers (Chapter 3: How to Build the Muscles of Self-Expression, Chapter 4: Habits of Not Being Overwhelmed by Negative Words, Chapter 5: How to Smile and Deal with Rude People).
I hope that this book will help readers live courageously.
GOODS SPECIFICS
- Date of issue: April 16, 2023
- Page count, weight, size: 268 pages | 358g | 130*188*20mm
- ISBN13: 9791192625355
- ISBN10: 1192625358
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