I still feel sick, but I still want to live well
A cancer survivor's tumultuous struggle to reintegrate into society

One day, when I was forty, I was suddenly diagnosed with breast cancer.
The author felt wronged that something like this had to happen to him, but he endured the surgery and harsh chemotherapy with a strong desire to live.
But, strangely, the doctor's single word, "It's time to return to your daily life," presented a new obstacle.
The author is bewildered by the realistic problems after cancer treatment that he could not have considered when he was a cancer patient.
Even when I try to meet people, my short hair looks like grass, so I'm scared to stand in front of others.
The physical strength I had gained from working overtime and exercising was gone, and now that I had the title of cancer patient, I was afraid of society's prejudice.
The aftereffects included memory loss, insomnia, fatigue, lymphedema, and even sudden, painful cramps at the surgical site.


At that time, the words that poured out were, 'It's great just to be alive, and I love you no matter what you are' and 'I will wait for you no matter what you do.
The encouragement of people around me who say, ‘You can take it slow.’
The author uses this as a support and decides to finally live the life he has so hard earned again.
But life doesn't always go as planned.
I had to make time to go to the hospital without any vacation days, and although I was proud of my work, I felt inferior because I couldn't do as well as I used to in easy tasks, and when I got home, I had to do housework. There were more than a few times when I wanted to give up everything.
Will the writer be able to safely return to his daily life?

I was happy to see the bright yellow forsythia and green grass on my way home from the surgery.
It's like I've been given new life and bloomed like a flower.
But I wasn't entirely happy or relieved.
This is the moment I've been waiting for so long, so why is it like this?
Now, let's just go on a flowery path, and we even had a celebratory party with tears in our eyes.
Formal treatment is over.
The medical team told me to forget that I was a cancer patient and go back to my daily life, and that they would see me in six months.
Is this really how it ends? What should I do now? I'm not ready to start over yet.
This is the true self-sufficiency.
If it were someone else's business, I would understand, but when it became my business, I was at a loss.
--- From "Somehow, I'm a Cancer Patient, Mountain Beyond Mountain"

I never learned to write for a pure purpose other than to write reports to make a living.
Then, I got sick and wrote about 300 pieces one by one.
The early entries are comparable to a short diary entry by an elementary school student, such as, "Today was fun and enjoyable" or "I will definitely become a great person."
But the more I used it, the more it got thicker and longer.
I typed on the keyboard with my swollen fingers from chemotherapy.
Although it was a small experience, I wrote it in the hopes that it would help someone.
I was healed by communicating with members of the Hwanwoo Cafe, blog neighbors, cancer survivors who came to find related information, and their guardians.
Even though we didn't talk face to face, the comments were full of sincerity and felt rich and pure.
Those who cheered me on and watched over me to live well were a strong support that helped me endure difficult times.

--- From "Writing, Dreaming of a More Beneficial Connection"

Although he was full of energy and shouted "Forward!", he felt like a protagonist who had jumped out of a historical drama and into the millennium era.
I expected it to be beautiful and not easy.
But the extent is beyond imagination.
Why is the world so full of surprises?
Eight hour shift.
The ordinary daily lives of countless office workers.
Compared to my ten years of service, my sick leave wasn't that long.
But in the meantime, new work systems were introduced and processes and organizations changed.
It feels more unfamiliar because it is different from what I knew.
System access privileges have been suspended.
Even the everyday tasks that my colleagues handle naturally feel unfamiliar.
In a meeting where everyone is having a heated discussion, the words exchanged ring in my head like an alien language.
No one cares, but inside I feel a pang of sadness.

--- From "Heart-pounding restoration, the silent battle has begun again"

The prejudice that ‘cancer survivors have poor work ability’ is an obstacle to their return to society.
Especially, young cancer survivors in their 20s and 30s feel burdened by the gap in treatment period and medical history during the job search process.
In these difficult times, finding a job is not just a problem for cancer survivors, but shouldn't they at least be given the opportunity to be evaluated by the same standards?
These days, there is a widespread awareness that discrimination based on age, gender, religion, etc. should not be tolerated, but it is unfortunate that this is not the case when it comes to illness.
Even I, who was able to return to work in my 40s, find it difficult to predict what's next. How would I feel if I were in that same situation as a fresh graduate? Wouldn't it be frustrating and frustrating to be denied the opportunity to showcase my abilities simply because of a previous illness? If a family member or acquaintance had been sick, I would have been understanding and concerned, but why do I avoid working with someone with a medical history?

--- From "I Want to Work, but the Wall of Reality Is Still High"

One of the difficulties we face in our work lives is company dinners.
The problem is direct grilling, which is known to be synonymous with carcinogenic ingredients.
Now I've relaxed a bit and am more tolerant of what I eat, but in the beginning I was particularly sensitive to grilling over an open fire.
I'm not a strict dieter, but the thought of meat sizzling over red-hot charcoal made me feel a pang of guilt.
Then one day, he asked, “Senior, do you have any food preferences? I’m trying to decide what to have for the company dinner.” I was touched by such kind consideration.
He answered shyly.
“Everything is fine, but the direct grilling is a bit like that.
Hoho.” I said, but oh no.
The first dinner menu was ‘charcoal grilled ribs.’
Hahahaha.
Why on earth did you ask that, junior?
Of course I know.
What is wrong with him?
Company dinners are part of work and he has no authority over the menu.
In general, the location and menu of a company dinner are the result of a complex and difficult decision that takes into account the budget and transportation at the time, and most importantly, the boss's preferences and intentions.
--- From "Elegant and Classy Even in Embarrassing Moments"

Ultimately, it is up to you to create a healthy body.
It's a shame that I'm sick, but thanks to that, I've acquired a precious treasure called a 'lifetime health care coupon' that you can't buy even with a lot of money.
How grateful I am that you remind me whenever I forget.
Aka lifelong honeymoon.
You have to keep doing that hard and difficult thing.
A push and pull that doesn't break if you pull too hard, nor does it spread out if you loosen it too much.
When it gets loose, tighten the reins, and when it gets too tense, loosen them slightly.
The same goes for diet and mental health, not just exercise.
I got a chance to soothe the regret of not being able to have a secret date while dating.
I brace myself for the right amount of tension and unpredictable excitement that is just right for me.
--- From "The only way to survive is through exercise, and earn lifetime coupons"

It was my family and the people around me who held me back when I was shrinking and becoming smaller.
I was in a difficult situation where I couldn't even earn a proper salary and had to commute to and from work, but they called me 'a wonderful person who overcame adversity.'
I am proud and impressed that you have endured cancer and are still working.
He also said it would be a source of strength for those who are struggling with difficult treatment and worry about whether they will be able to work again.
Even if it's not a disease, he says that big and small crises will come to you in life, and that you don't have to try too hard, as the effort and courage to endure those waves and come back like this is enough.
It wasn't a brilliant achievement or a legacy that would be remembered for generations to come.
I was so grateful that my heart was filled with gratitude because I was struggling just to live and earn a living.
It was as if he was a baby, eating well, sleeping well, growing well, and being loved just for his existence.
I was able to gain confidence in my choice, which had been wavering.
It was a bit tiring and difficult for a while, but it gave me the strength to endure.
--- From "Docking with a New Daily Life, Mission Complete"

I poured my energy and effort into this place where I spent my golden years of youth.
Volunteering to pursue my dreams in a remote area, working full-time until the day before giving birth, the daily struggles of a working mom, the forced march without holidays at a harsh overseas workplace, the job and foreign language qualifications acquired through self-study, and work that lasted from dawn to dusk due to the time difference with overseas corporations.
I did my best at every moment.
I was confident and had some achievements.
The sense of growth and accomplishment I felt during that process was thrilling.
Although I ran around like crazy and missed out on some hardships, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to fully express my pure passion.
I poured everything out so that I have no regrets looking back.
Now I'm going to try to live my life from now on with a slightly lighter heart.
Not stopping at the 'memories of Hwayangyeonhwa', but dreaming of an 'even more sparkling' Hwayangyeonhwa to come.
--- From "Dreaming of Another Hwayangyeonhwa of My Life"

You can't know the value of what you have until you lose it.
Only when you are sick do you realize the value of health.
When we go through trials in life, not just in terms of health, we realize how much we have and how happy the little things in life can be.
Now I truly realize that my body is precious.
Sometimes I get lax, but then I remember that time and pull myself together and tighten the reins.
A chain of thought without context that started with a simple question: “Are you okay?”
The answer I found at the end was this.
“As I live, I may get sick in other places or experience other illnesses, but I will live a healthy and happy life again!”

--- From "My health is fine now and will be fine in the future"