“Teach your child self-control before Korean, English, or math.
“The kind of child that parents so desperately want begins with self-control.”

Endless competition, anxiety and stress, the proliferation of digital media, addiction and apathy…
The only solution for struggling parents and wavering children: self-regulation.
A book that sets a new standard for parenting with self-regulation know-how suited to the current era.

Self-regulation has always been an important factor in children's growth, but it has re-emerged as an especially important factor today.
This is because self-regulation is the key ability to overcome side effects such as anxiety and stress caused by overheated competition, and addiction and lethargy caused by excessive use of digital media.
Professor Kim Hyo-won of the Department of Pediatrics and Adolescent Psychiatry at Seoul Asan Medical Center, who has gained absolute trust from parents to the point that appointments are filled within a minute of opening, has confirmed through numerous consultations and treatments in recent years that children's self-regulation is a major concern for parents, and has published "If You Teach Your Child Only One Thing, It's Self-Regulation" by comprehensively covering the topic.


This book explains why self-regulation is especially essential for children today, and provides practical guidance for parents on how to understand and teach it.
Professor Kim Hyo-won, drawing on 23 years of clinical experience and cutting-edge research, has deeply analyzed the impact of self-regulation on children's daily lives, learning abilities, relationship formation, and overall mental health.
If parents, along with this book, first cultivate self-regulation and systematically teach their children, their children will gain the momentum to grow even in this rapidly changing era, and they will grow into children who excel in all aspects of their lives, academics, and relationships, children who achieve success, and ultimately, wonderful adults who can live independently.

There is more stress and conflict in the reality that children live in than before.
Overheated academic competition and constant stress make children impatient and easily frustrated.
There is more to learn, but fewer opportunities to run around freely, develop social skills, and relieve stress.
In addition, excessive use of digital devices such as smartphones and tablet PCs, as well as various games, reels, and shorts, which are fun and exciting, hinder the development of children's self-regulation.
As families become more nuclear and society becomes more complex, it has become difficult for families and schools to adequately care for children's minds and teach them self-control.
As a result, it seems that children's self-regulation, which is necessary to maintain daily life and social relationships while enduring stress and conflict, is in crisis.

Parents are increasingly at a loss as to how to understand and help their children, who have difficulty self-regulating.
The role of parents is not only to care for and love their children so that they can grow up well, but also to guide them so that they can self-regulate well and live well with others in society.
In order to teach children to regulate themselves well, to act according to rules and norms without causing harm to others, parents must first consider what self-regulation means to their children.
---From "Prologue - For Parents Who Want to Raise Children with Good Self-Control"

Self-regulation is with us from the beginning of life.
Newborns cry when they are hungry, but when they are full, they feel satisfied and comfortable. They are startled by loud noises, but their anxiety decreases when their mother comforts them.
They also suck their thumbs to relieve boredom or anxiety.
This ability to regulate one's emotions, behavior, and thoughts exists from a very young age, and is what makes humans human.
Self-regulation begins to develop in infancy, continues to grow into adulthood, and influences a person throughout his or her life.
---From "Chapter 1 - Why Self-Control is Important"

A child's ability to regulate his or her emotions affects every aspect of his or her life.
Children who are good at regulating their emotions can temporarily separate emotions that interfere with achieving their goals, avoid losing their temper due to irritation or anxiety, tolerate frustration, and wait for problems to be resolved.
So, you can maintain good relationships with your family, teachers, and peers, and not only will you have an advantage in your long-term studies and career, but you will also grow up to be a healthier person both physically and mentally.
---From "Chapter 2 - The Secret of a Child with Extraordinary Self-Control ① Emotion Control"

As children grow and begin to walk and use a spoon on their own, parenting that respects their initiative while also clearly setting boundaries between what they can and cannot do will help them develop self-regulation.
However, if parents are overly controlling and insist on following instructions, it can hinder the development of self-regulation.
Especially during adolescence, allowing children to exercise an appropriate level of autonomy helps them develop more positive emotions and better emotional regulation.
“I thought I could finish the performance evaluation over the weekend, but it took longer than I thought and I couldn’t finish it all.
If you respect your child's study plan and verbally acknowledge their feelings of frustration when things don't go as planned, such as, "I have to study for the test, but I'm anxious and nervous because I can't finish the performance evaluation," your child will be able to calmly re-plan without getting irritated or exploding with anger.
Reading emotions plays an important role in developing emotional regulation and problem-solving skills.

If parents are unable to control their own emotions, their children will also have difficulty controlling their emotions.
High-conflict and unsupportive parent-child relationships impair children's self-regulation.
Things like excessively long and repetitive nagging, vague instructions and commands, harsh and inconsistent discipline, and a lack of warm care and supervision make emotional regulation more difficult.
Conversely, if parents are good at regulating their own emotions and treat their children in a stable and predictable manner, their children will not only grow up to be good at self-regulation, but will also gain confidence in their ability to regulate themselves.
---From "Chapter 3 - Key ② Parenting - What the Fence of Family Can Do"

The part of our brain that is responsible for regulatory functions is the frontal lobe.
Among them, the prefrontal cortex, which accounts for two-thirds of the frontal lobe, synthesizes various information to judge the situation, predicts the outcome, makes plans, and puts them into practice.
Understanding other people's feelings, emotions, and situations is also the job of the frontal lobe.
It is also the frontal lobe's job to regulate emotions such as anger and rage, as well as the desires, impulses, and behaviors hidden beneath these emotions.
In this way, the frontal lobe not only plans and executes daily tasks, but also controls physical movements, emotions, and behavior.
In other words, it acts as a conductor and CEO who controls various functions of the brain.
---From "Chapter 4 - Step 02: The Child's Brain and Self-Regulation"

There are things in life that you have to do even if you don't want to.
You must not engage in any behavior that harms yourself or others.
There are so many things that don't go my way, and failure and frustration are unavoidable, but I still have to live.
Appropriate frustration in childhood teaches us to regulate our desires and builds the strength to overcome future challenges.
The role of parents in a child's life is to teach and inform the boundaries of what should and should not be done, what can and cannot be done.
---From "Chapter 5 - Firm Discipline is Absolutely Necessary"

In fact, raising a child is a task that requires constant self-regulation on the part of the parents.
Self-regulation is the process of continually regulating your emotions, behaviors, and thoughts while anticipating the long-term consequences of your actions.
When raising a child, there are many moments when parents must control their emotions, actions, and thoughts.
This is especially true because parents are the ones who turn around and regret and blame themselves after yelling at or hitting their children.

Parents who are good at self-regulation are less angry with their children, more responsive to their children's needs, and better able to resolve problems when they arise.
Children learn to regulate their emotions, behaviors, and thoughts without even realizing it by observing how their parents regulate their emotions, behaviors, and thoughts.
So, parental self-regulation is directly related to the child's self-regulation.

---From "Chapter 6: Parental Self-Regulation is Important"