Adult Q&A
 |
Description
Book Introduction
A conversational course for adults, drawn from philosophy, logic, and epistemology.
Highly recommended by Richard Dawkins, author of "The Selfish Gene"
It is truly an 'age of conflict'.
At the dinner table, online, at work, in the political arena, we face countless conflicts.
When my prejudices and others' prejudices meet, it seems like there is no point of contact at all.
When you find yourself in a "conversation where communication is completely nonsensical," what do you usually do? Do you give up, exchange harsh words, end the conversation with hurtful remarks, or simply cut ties, saying you can no longer relate to the other person?
The reason we can't argue openly and respectfully with those who think differently is because we've never learned proper debate techniques.
It is no exaggeration to say that we lack the know-how to directly resolve deep-seated conflicts through thorough dialogue.
The bigger problem is that we have entered an 'era of conflict' in this state.
We avoid talking about sensitive topics like generation, gender, wealth, and political leanings, and instead hide online to spout immature language.
To overcome this situation of ‘disconnection and absence of dialogue’, a philosophy professor and a mathematics doctor stepped forward.
Observing the growing societal impact of personal hatred and loathing, this book presents practical yet philosophical guidelines for engaging in "mature and sustained dialogue."
Rather than unconditionally pushing forward with one side's ideas, it logically presents us with 36 paths to narrow the gap between the two and find a new common ground, based on logic, epistemology, mathematics, and psychology.
For us, who constantly encounter differences in our daily lives and interactions with others, as well as in social discourse, 'how to communicate with dignity using a balanced style of speech' is not only possible, but also absolutely necessary.
Because only by being able to communicate with others with whom we cannot communicate, and even with our political and ideological enemies, can we get closer to the truth.
Let's take a look at how these two masters of debate break through all this discord, reach agreement, and heal their conflict.
Now it's time to start having a real 'adult conversation'.
Highly recommended by Richard Dawkins, author of "The Selfish Gene"
It is truly an 'age of conflict'.
At the dinner table, online, at work, in the political arena, we face countless conflicts.
When my prejudices and others' prejudices meet, it seems like there is no point of contact at all.
When you find yourself in a "conversation where communication is completely nonsensical," what do you usually do? Do you give up, exchange harsh words, end the conversation with hurtful remarks, or simply cut ties, saying you can no longer relate to the other person?
The reason we can't argue openly and respectfully with those who think differently is because we've never learned proper debate techniques.
It is no exaggeration to say that we lack the know-how to directly resolve deep-seated conflicts through thorough dialogue.
The bigger problem is that we have entered an 'era of conflict' in this state.
We avoid talking about sensitive topics like generation, gender, wealth, and political leanings, and instead hide online to spout immature language.
To overcome this situation of ‘disconnection and absence of dialogue’, a philosophy professor and a mathematics doctor stepped forward.
Observing the growing societal impact of personal hatred and loathing, this book presents practical yet philosophical guidelines for engaging in "mature and sustained dialogue."
Rather than unconditionally pushing forward with one side's ideas, it logically presents us with 36 paths to narrow the gap between the two and find a new common ground, based on logic, epistemology, mathematics, and psychology.
For us, who constantly encounter differences in our daily lives and interactions with others, as well as in social discourse, 'how to communicate with dignity using a balanced style of speech' is not only possible, but also absolutely necessary.
Because only by being able to communicate with others with whom we cannot communicate, and even with our political and ideological enemies, can we get closer to the truth.
Let's take a look at how these two masters of debate break through all this discord, reach agreement, and heal their conflict.
Now it's time to start having a real 'adult conversation'.
- You can preview some of the book's contents.
Preview
index
Prologue: From Dogfight to Intellectual Debate
Chapter 1 | The Basics: Seven Principles of Quality Conversation
Chapter 2 | Beginner: Nine Ways to Change Your Mindset
Chapter 3 | Intermediate: Seven Ways to Read Others' Minds
Chapter 4 | Advanced: Five Techniques for Resolving Controversial Conversations
Chapter 5 | Expert: Six Techniques for Dealing with Closed-Minded People
Chapter 6 | Master: Two Key Skills for Conversing with Ideologues
Epilogue: There is no such thing as an impossible conversation.
annotation
References
Chapter 1 | The Basics: Seven Principles of Quality Conversation
Chapter 2 | Beginner: Nine Ways to Change Your Mindset
Chapter 3 | Intermediate: Seven Ways to Read Others' Minds
Chapter 4 | Advanced: Five Techniques for Resolving Controversial Conversations
Chapter 5 | Expert: Six Techniques for Dealing with Closed-Minded People
Chapter 6 | Master: Two Key Skills for Conversing with Ideologues
Epilogue: There is no such thing as an impossible conversation.
annotation
References
Detailed image
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Into the book
How can I communicate well with someone who thinks completely differently?
--- p.1
We often find ourselves caught up in heated arguments with strangers on social media, not knowing what to do when we disagree with our family at the dinner table.
As a result, many people avoid conversations that could lead to controversy.
Of course, that's one way, and sometimes it might be the right answer.
But avoiding difficult conversations, or conversations that seem like they won't get through, isn't always the answer.
We need to learn how to engage in such conversations.
--- p.13
We all have a desire to pursue goodness.
However, there are many times when we cannot reach the right conclusion because we cannot see the whole situation.
When we meet someone who thinks very differently from us, we tend to think that they are ignorant, crazy, or evil.
Let's let go of that kind of mindset and adopt this kind of mindset.
The other person is simply looking at the problem from a different perspective than you.
--- p.45
We'll discuss frame-shifting based on morality and identity later, but one useful way to shift frames is to appeal to a shared identity.
A common identity is something like 'citizen', or even 'human', and is also called a 'super identity'.
Just mentioning such words can shift the frame of the conversation to one of common ground.
--- p..130
When you present an absurdly unrealistic counterfactual, it may seem like a falsifiable belief at first glance, but in reality it is not.
Because it is a belief based on moral motivation, not a belief based on facts and evidence.
So what topics should we cover when talking to such people?
--- p.248
If I could learn, understand, and use the moral vocabulary I don't use, I could bridge what seemed like an unbridgeable moral gap.
As with learning any foreign language, mastering the "conservative" or "progressive" language, or understanding the rich symbolism of other religions, requires time, effort, and practice with "native" speakers.
--- p.251~252
There's a compelling argument that the current hostile conversational climate in our society stems from the persistent backlash of social media feeds.
The backfire effect refers to the paradoxical phenomenon in which a belief becomes stronger when evidence contradicts it.
The principle is this:
As you browse your feed, you are bound to encounter absurd posts, and each time you are shocked by such views, you end up developing even greater resentment, which has the counterproductive effect of:
--- p.1
We often find ourselves caught up in heated arguments with strangers on social media, not knowing what to do when we disagree with our family at the dinner table.
As a result, many people avoid conversations that could lead to controversy.
Of course, that's one way, and sometimes it might be the right answer.
But avoiding difficult conversations, or conversations that seem like they won't get through, isn't always the answer.
We need to learn how to engage in such conversations.
--- p.13
We all have a desire to pursue goodness.
However, there are many times when we cannot reach the right conclusion because we cannot see the whole situation.
When we meet someone who thinks very differently from us, we tend to think that they are ignorant, crazy, or evil.
Let's let go of that kind of mindset and adopt this kind of mindset.
The other person is simply looking at the problem from a different perspective than you.
--- p.45
We'll discuss frame-shifting based on morality and identity later, but one useful way to shift frames is to appeal to a shared identity.
A common identity is something like 'citizen', or even 'human', and is also called a 'super identity'.
Just mentioning such words can shift the frame of the conversation to one of common ground.
--- p..130
When you present an absurdly unrealistic counterfactual, it may seem like a falsifiable belief at first glance, but in reality it is not.
Because it is a belief based on moral motivation, not a belief based on facts and evidence.
So what topics should we cover when talking to such people?
--- p.248
If I could learn, understand, and use the moral vocabulary I don't use, I could bridge what seemed like an unbridgeable moral gap.
As with learning any foreign language, mastering the "conservative" or "progressive" language, or understanding the rich symbolism of other religions, requires time, effort, and practice with "native" speakers.
--- p.251~252
There's a compelling argument that the current hostile conversational climate in our society stems from the persistent backlash of social media feeds.
The backfire effect refers to the paradoxical phenomenon in which a belief becomes stronger when evidence contradicts it.
The principle is this:
As you browse your feed, you are bound to encounter absurd posts, and each time you are shocked by such views, you end up developing even greater resentment, which has the counterproductive effect of:
--- p.276
Publisher's Review
“There are two ways to have polite conversations in our time.
“Build a time machine or read this book”
An intellectual journey to ask and answer questions with dignity, without fighting.
Here are two people who are called 'masters of negotiation' and 'masters of debate'.
They are philosopher Peter Burgogian and mathematician Dr. James Lindsay.
In fact, these two were also 'uncommunicative' people who made even the people they were talking to avoid talking to them.
He was criticized as a "fool" for his rude behavior while discussing political issues with colleagues, was strongly criticized for posting gender-related opinions on social media, and had a long-standing conflict with an acquaintance over religious issues.
It was only after losing so many relationships that I realized that knowing how to communicate with people who think differently from me is an essential virtue in life.
They began writing after spending thousands of hours talking to extremists from all walks of life, with the question, "What is real dialogue?"
This book, "Adult Questions and Answers," is the product of long research into that essential question.
Even when the answer is not in sight, the book clearly outlines the "most rational and scientific method of conversation" based on logical thinking that digs deeper and rationally without giving up, epistemology that asks the other person and oneself, "What do I know and how?", and philosophical dialectics that brings about qualitative changes in the direction of the conversation.
The two authors point out that not knowing this 'method of questioning and answering of mutual understanding' not only causes inconvenience in daily life, but also has a tremendous negative impact on personal development.
This is because, not only can you not properly understand other people's opinions, you can also become synonymous with communication failure due to being caught up in your own prejudices.
There are people everywhere who have opposing opinions.
Friends on social media who spew hateful language like "○○-chung" and "kkol○○"; acquaintances who ask "Who are you voting for this time?" during election season; bosses at work who push with arrogance, saying "That's not A, it's B! Do what I say!"; and even arguments about dividing up household chores that rage at home every day.
Filled with practical wisdom you can apply right away in real life, this book generously teaches you the magical communication skills to move others with dignity, without fighting, and break through any communication impasse.
From everyday conflicts to public discourse, let's delve into the depth and insight of the long-standing dialogue between these two authors.
After reading this book, you will be able to have an 'adult conversation' with anyone.
Philosophy, logic, epistemology, science, and even psychology,
A high-quality conversation course for healthy discussions
The two authors lead readers on an intellectual journey toward dignified dialogue, crossing disciplinary boundaries from Socratic questioning to modern hostage negotiation.
The book is divided into six chapters, each with its own level of difficulty: basic, beginner, intermediate, advanced, expert, and expert, and is structured to help you learn conversation skills step by step.
Chapter 1 presents seven basic principles of dignified conversation and discusses the basic attitudes required to begin a respectful and respectful "adult dialogue."
This is the foundation for the steps that follow, and it is also the starting point for the study of speaking that anyone who wants to build good relationships with people and be liked by others must master.
In Chapter 2, we'll explore nine beginner-level techniques to help you soften your opponent's stubborn beliefs and change their thinking.
At this stage, you learn how the other person's thinking is formed and how to intervene in their perceptions and plant seeds of doubt simply by engaging in a conversation.
It contains the speaking skills and attitude to learn how to lead gracefully without being swayed by the words of others who have different opinions from you.
Chapter 3 presents seven intermediate-level methods for delving deeply into the other person's beliefs and helping them change their thinking.
It is a bit more in-depth than Chapter 2 and is full of intellectual techniques that will move the hearts of your audience.
Beginning with the advanced level in Chapter 4, we present five methods for handling argumentative conversations in earnest.
It contains techniques that can be used when talking to 'enemies' who have different political and moral views, as well as techniques for controlling the anger that often accompanies such conversations and dealing with them in a civilized manner.
The six expert-level conversation techniques in Chapter 5 offer ways to communicate with people who don't respond to rational, logical dialogue, such as extremists with unrealistic beliefs or stubborn ideas.
These techniques can be used in more extreme situations, and are based on the latest research in the field of hostage negotiation.
It also tells you how to deal with someone who tries the techniques in this book on you.
Chapter 6 contains two ways to engage with "ideologues"—those who have no intention or room to change their beliefs.
These are expert-level techniques for approaching them as conversation partners and truly understanding their perspectives and language.
A method consistently recommended by both authors is a conversational technique that involves asking, “How do we know what we think we know?” and helping the other person change or moderate their thinking by making them realize how much they actually know about what they are claiming and what basis they have for that conclusion.
Above all, it emphasizes that we should not react emotionally, and that there is something to be learned from the enemy.
Rather than accepting the other person's conclusion, you should understand the path and background that led to that conclusion.
Then, not only can I discover flaws in the argument, but I can also gain new knowledge that I didn't know before.
“Dialogue is the only way to get to a better place.”
36 Conversational Skills for Gracefully Facing an Age of Hatred and Conflict
In fact, the only way to properly resolve any conflict situation in terms of procedure and outcome is through 'dialogue'.
Change can begin when we ask the right questions and answer them properly.
A person or society that insists that only they are right from their own perspective can never become healthy or develop.
The conflict index is an indicator of a society's mental maturity and stability.
Some even point out that the social costs of conflict can be a significant obstacle to economic growth, and Korea is said to have the third highest conflict index among OECD countries.
For us, who lack a culture of discussion and find debate burdensome, 'how to have a proper conversation' seems more necessary than ever.
Let's start with the beginner level presented in the book.
First, recognize why you are having this conversation, see the other person as a conversation partner, not an enemy, build a rapport based on mutual trust, listen more than you want to say, accurately understand the other person's intentions, and avoid forcing uncomfortable answers.
Whether it's between friends, in meetings at work, or with politicians on TV, learning just these basics can help you start healthy conversations.
This book teaches us almost all the know-how of constructive discussion that we never learned before, and it asks us questions throughout.
“Are you speaking like an adult now?” “Are you listening to what the other person is saying without misunderstanding and expressing your thoughts in dignified language?”
“Build a time machine or read this book”
An intellectual journey to ask and answer questions with dignity, without fighting.
Here are two people who are called 'masters of negotiation' and 'masters of debate'.
They are philosopher Peter Burgogian and mathematician Dr. James Lindsay.
In fact, these two were also 'uncommunicative' people who made even the people they were talking to avoid talking to them.
He was criticized as a "fool" for his rude behavior while discussing political issues with colleagues, was strongly criticized for posting gender-related opinions on social media, and had a long-standing conflict with an acquaintance over religious issues.
It was only after losing so many relationships that I realized that knowing how to communicate with people who think differently from me is an essential virtue in life.
They began writing after spending thousands of hours talking to extremists from all walks of life, with the question, "What is real dialogue?"
This book, "Adult Questions and Answers," is the product of long research into that essential question.
Even when the answer is not in sight, the book clearly outlines the "most rational and scientific method of conversation" based on logical thinking that digs deeper and rationally without giving up, epistemology that asks the other person and oneself, "What do I know and how?", and philosophical dialectics that brings about qualitative changes in the direction of the conversation.
The two authors point out that not knowing this 'method of questioning and answering of mutual understanding' not only causes inconvenience in daily life, but also has a tremendous negative impact on personal development.
This is because, not only can you not properly understand other people's opinions, you can also become synonymous with communication failure due to being caught up in your own prejudices.
There are people everywhere who have opposing opinions.
Friends on social media who spew hateful language like "○○-chung" and "kkol○○"; acquaintances who ask "Who are you voting for this time?" during election season; bosses at work who push with arrogance, saying "That's not A, it's B! Do what I say!"; and even arguments about dividing up household chores that rage at home every day.
Filled with practical wisdom you can apply right away in real life, this book generously teaches you the magical communication skills to move others with dignity, without fighting, and break through any communication impasse.
From everyday conflicts to public discourse, let's delve into the depth and insight of the long-standing dialogue between these two authors.
After reading this book, you will be able to have an 'adult conversation' with anyone.
Philosophy, logic, epistemology, science, and even psychology,
A high-quality conversation course for healthy discussions
The two authors lead readers on an intellectual journey toward dignified dialogue, crossing disciplinary boundaries from Socratic questioning to modern hostage negotiation.
The book is divided into six chapters, each with its own level of difficulty: basic, beginner, intermediate, advanced, expert, and expert, and is structured to help you learn conversation skills step by step.
Chapter 1 presents seven basic principles of dignified conversation and discusses the basic attitudes required to begin a respectful and respectful "adult dialogue."
This is the foundation for the steps that follow, and it is also the starting point for the study of speaking that anyone who wants to build good relationships with people and be liked by others must master.
In Chapter 2, we'll explore nine beginner-level techniques to help you soften your opponent's stubborn beliefs and change their thinking.
At this stage, you learn how the other person's thinking is formed and how to intervene in their perceptions and plant seeds of doubt simply by engaging in a conversation.
It contains the speaking skills and attitude to learn how to lead gracefully without being swayed by the words of others who have different opinions from you.
Chapter 3 presents seven intermediate-level methods for delving deeply into the other person's beliefs and helping them change their thinking.
It is a bit more in-depth than Chapter 2 and is full of intellectual techniques that will move the hearts of your audience.
Beginning with the advanced level in Chapter 4, we present five methods for handling argumentative conversations in earnest.
It contains techniques that can be used when talking to 'enemies' who have different political and moral views, as well as techniques for controlling the anger that often accompanies such conversations and dealing with them in a civilized manner.
The six expert-level conversation techniques in Chapter 5 offer ways to communicate with people who don't respond to rational, logical dialogue, such as extremists with unrealistic beliefs or stubborn ideas.
These techniques can be used in more extreme situations, and are based on the latest research in the field of hostage negotiation.
It also tells you how to deal with someone who tries the techniques in this book on you.
Chapter 6 contains two ways to engage with "ideologues"—those who have no intention or room to change their beliefs.
These are expert-level techniques for approaching them as conversation partners and truly understanding their perspectives and language.
A method consistently recommended by both authors is a conversational technique that involves asking, “How do we know what we think we know?” and helping the other person change or moderate their thinking by making them realize how much they actually know about what they are claiming and what basis they have for that conclusion.
Above all, it emphasizes that we should not react emotionally, and that there is something to be learned from the enemy.
Rather than accepting the other person's conclusion, you should understand the path and background that led to that conclusion.
Then, not only can I discover flaws in the argument, but I can also gain new knowledge that I didn't know before.
“Dialogue is the only way to get to a better place.”
36 Conversational Skills for Gracefully Facing an Age of Hatred and Conflict
In fact, the only way to properly resolve any conflict situation in terms of procedure and outcome is through 'dialogue'.
Change can begin when we ask the right questions and answer them properly.
A person or society that insists that only they are right from their own perspective can never become healthy or develop.
The conflict index is an indicator of a society's mental maturity and stability.
Some even point out that the social costs of conflict can be a significant obstacle to economic growth, and Korea is said to have the third highest conflict index among OECD countries.
For us, who lack a culture of discussion and find debate burdensome, 'how to have a proper conversation' seems more necessary than ever.
Let's start with the beginner level presented in the book.
First, recognize why you are having this conversation, see the other person as a conversation partner, not an enemy, build a rapport based on mutual trust, listen more than you want to say, accurately understand the other person's intentions, and avoid forcing uncomfortable answers.
Whether it's between friends, in meetings at work, or with politicians on TV, learning just these basics can help you start healthy conversations.
This book teaches us almost all the know-how of constructive discussion that we never learned before, and it asks us questions throughout.
“Are you speaking like an adult now?” “Are you listening to what the other person is saying without misunderstanding and expressing your thoughts in dignified language?”
GOODS SPECIFICS
- Publication date: September 10, 2021
- Page count, weight, size: 344 pages | 488g | 148*220*30mm
- ISBN13: 9791155813966
- ISBN10: 1155813960
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