Several months have passed since I endured that darkest and deepest night.
Surprisingly, I am much healthier than before I got sick.
I had that thought a while ago.
If I hadn't survived that most difficult night, where would I be now?
Why couldn't I tell my family and friends to be by my side?
If I had said so, would that night have been so deep and dangerous?
I've always been proud of the fact that I survived and persevered like an orphan on my own.
But at the same time, I became an idiot who couldn't ask anyone for help.
Such a person is completely useless.
A person like that cannot last long.
If you can't hold on for long, you won't be able to prove anything you want to prove with your life.
I don't know what happiness is.
But at least I know that happiness is not just about the fancy pictures and the chatter displayed on the shelf.
Perhaps happiness is something we prove to ourselves throughout our lives.
I want to speak to the children tonight who are thinking, "I'm screwed," as a person who knows how to ask for help.
It's still a long way from ruin.
--- p.13~14, from “Still a long way to go before we perish”

If grand conclusions ruin your life, small resolutions become your motivation.
And if you keep those small resolutions and accumulate results, they can become important ideas for shaping your life.
In fact, clinging to conclusions is the best refuge for those in the most dire, desperate, and terrible situations.
I can say this for sure because I was there.
Because when you're focused solely on death, you don't have to worry about other trivial things.
But while I was ignoring such trivial things, I ended up becoming someone who couldn't think of anything else but death.
--- p.23~24, from “What we need is not a conclusion, but a resolution”

Young people born into wealthy families have a relatively easy time accumulating winning experience.
If you think you are at a disadvantage, try to gain experience in overcoming your body more than anything else.
Since the starting point is different and the situation is not favorable, you should instead gain experience in overcoming your body.
Gaining the experience of winning is like remembering the sensation of using your muscles and breathing, when to apply and release force, and when to inhale and exhale.
If you become accustomed to losing, it becomes difficult to distinguish between what is truly winning and what is truly losing.
That's why only those who succeed always succeed.
Only those who have won can win again, and those who have lost can start again.
In short, the idea is to build a body that can endure to the end.

When I think back to when I was young, I often think, 'If I were me now, I wouldn't do that, I'd be stupid.'
At forty-two, I find myself thinking more and more, "If I were back then, I wouldn't be doing this now. I'd be stupid."
Growing older means being defeated by your past self more often.
--- p.34~35, from “Starting Again”

I don't want to say that I know about your pain.
I don't even want to say that I understand.
That's a deception.
Because suffering is unquantifiable and incomparable, and there are a thousand ceilings and floors for a thousand people.

But I want to tell you to decide to live.
Rather than living in inertia and sorrow because you cannot die, decide to live according to your own will.

If you decide to live, if you decide to embrace and navigate life between the ceiling and the floor, I can promise you that the victim mentality at the ceiling and the reality at the floor will no longer weigh you down or crush your face as they once did.
At least I can promise you that you won't be helpless like before.
That night has swallowed up many people so far.
But the night can never devour those who have decided to live.
This is a promise between me and you.
So, live.
--- p.45~46, from “Ceiling and Floor”

There needs to be an appropriate distance between people.
Some people need ten steps, others need half a step.
Anything more or less than that and the bridge connecting the two will collapse.
Human relationships are about calculating that distance.

When I think about this distance, I always think of electromagnetic forces.
There are four forces in the world: gravitational force, strong force, weak force, and electromagnetic force.
Among them, the reason my hands can press the keyboard instead of just passing through it is because of electromagnetic force.
Electromagnetic force allows 'me' to exist in the form of 'me'.
For example, it is the minimum distance that I can maintain my form, like the length of a hedgehog's thorns or the 'AT field' of [Evangelion].
If I just kick myself out because I'm too lonely, my country will collapse.
Conversely, if you are too afraid of others and surround yourself with a thick protective shield, you will end up becoming too distant.
In short, the distance between us and others is simply a matter of adding to the thickness of our protective shields.

Having recently gone through what could be considered a major life event, I realized that my thorns and protective shields were ridiculously long and thick.
Its length and thickness have long been enlarged by the compulsion that it must be that way in order to survive alone.
So, it is meaningless to calculate the exact distance from others in the first place.
Because no matter what, we are too far apart to be able to communicate with each other.
My calculations were wrong.
--- p.106~107, from “My calculations, which I did not believe and did not expect, were wrong”

There is no one whose life is not full of sorrow.
Everyone feels misunderstood.
It's true.
An evaluation of someone is not determined by precise criteria and records.
It depends on the mood of the evaluator.
right.
It's so unfair.
But that's the reality.
Faced with this reality, some people detach themselves from the evaluation of themselves.
It's not as easy as it sounds.
But I do my best to do it.
And he silently does what he can.
On the other hand, some people are unable to escape from evaluation and end up destroying themselves and those around them.
--- p.141, from “The Devil Invented the Victim Consciousness to Ruin You”

There are times when we must fight alone, without any divine being to lean on or institutional safeguards.
At times like that, we become exhausted.
Get rough to fight.
Only distrust remains.
Even those who are supposed to understand each other best hate each other.
When we discover the aspects of ourselves we dislike most in others, we tend to prioritize criticism and drawing lines over empathy and understanding.
There are cases where you can survive by holding on.
But in the end, we are trapped in the darkness we fought against.
Because I've been surviving on my own for so long, I've forgotten how to ask for help from others.

We must persevere and fight to the end, but we must also be kind to those who are exhausted and in need, and help each other by doing good deeds.
[Three Billboards] suggests that only good intentions, actions, and solidarity among people who rise up for self-sufficiency can overcome pessimistic endings like [The Deer Hunter] or [Don't Look Up].

In the end, we will be saved not by the best and most excellent things we have, but by the good deeds we have done long ago, even though we don't remember when we did them.
I think so.
--- p.162~163, from “To Those Who Seek a Way to Save Themselves”

The Xenomorph is the most successful monster in film history.
Monsters make money.
Successful monsters like the Xenomorph not only make money, they become genres and industries.
Not all monsters succeed.
A failed monster becomes a laughing stock.
But there is something that both successful monsters like the Xenomorph and those who failed and became a laughing stock cannot avoid.
I'm talking about the indifference towards the person who is playing the actual monster.
Until the 2000s, all monster characters were voiced by people.
Yes, that's right.
There was a person there.

We know all the monsters we've loved.
But the actors who played the monsters were completely forgotten.
Or maybe you weren't interested in the first place.
People that everyone loved but no one knew about.
People who are not recorded.
People who spent their later years strangely lonely.
People who all lived truly lonely lives.
I really wanted to leave a story about him.
I want to record those names.
These names deserve to be recorded.
This is a simple tribute to monsters from someone who has been fascinated by them his entire life.
--- p.229~230, from “A Name Everyone Knows But No One Knows”

Misfortune is not the villains in the front car of Snowpiercer, but rather the snow that always falls outside the train.
It's fatal, but we have to be together all the time.
This attitude toward misfortune is different from discouragement, self-mockery, or passive pessimism.
Rather, it is the will to accept and lead life proactively.
This gives the person experiencing misfortune a space to separate themselves from the situation.
Instead of being immersed in immediate emotions and branding yourself as a perpetual victim, it allows you to look at the incident from a minimal spatial and temporal distance.

In short, it helps us look at the causal relationship of misfortune objectively.
To say that I am the unhappiest person in the world is, in a sense, a greater arrogance than to say that I am the happiest person in the world.
It can be easy and comfortable to curl up in a ball, surrounded by thoughts that I am the most pitiful, the most unfortunate, and the most sick person in the world.
But that's usually just a subjective impression.
It's different from what actually happened.
When conflict arises, no one sees themselves as the perpetrator.
Both claim to be victims.
Objectivity is needed to think about what really happened, what I did, what was done to me, and how I will deal with it.
--- p.257~258, from “Turning Misfortune into Motivation”

Except for a very lucky few, you will not be recognized for your efforts and your worth will be denied.
It would be unfair.
I will long for someone to recognize my worth.
It seems like everyone else is valued except me.
Looks happy.
At least that's what it looks like on social media.
Despair grows.
But we must not give in to despair.
You must not let despair consume you.
The moment you lose objectivity and become consumed by a sense of victimhood, it is only a matter of time before you become a monster.

We must not be consumed by evaluation.
You have to separate yourself from the evaluation.
Let's regain our composure and maintain objectivity.
That is the balance the Force speaks of.
Someday, someone will surely recognize your efforts and thank you.
If you constantly refine, improve, and persevere, that day will surely come.

--- p.273, from “I hope the force is with you”