Goodbye
 |
Description
Book Introduction
Life becomes richer and stronger after letting someone go.
How do we deal with separation in a life full of losses?
Human life is a series of encounters.
We live our entire lives constantly meeting people.
But conversely, life is also a series of separations and losses.
If there is a meeting with someone, there is bound to be a parting.
Because there is no eternal life for humans and no one can avoid the door of 'death', we constantly send someone away first.
Therefore, 'mourning', which deals with the sadness of letting go, is one of the important tasks in life.
The author, who has published the psychological essays 『Human Landscape』 and 『A Thousand Sympathies』 based on his own experience in psychotherapy and knowledge of psychoanalysis, seeks to heal the hearts of those who are grieving the loss of a loved one through this book.
This book is a work that opens the floodgates so that the river of sorrow can flow again for those who are suffering because the flow of sorrow has been blocked.
The author points out the pathological phenomena created by a culture that does not speak of separation through real people and characters in literary works, and says that 'mourning', which involves looking into the inner self of loss or deficiency, grieving sufficiently, and then emerging from it, is the essential solution that can heal grief and lead to new birth.
The author argues that most psychological problems stem from the inability to properly break up, hiding and suppressing the feelings of separation.
Therefore, it can be said that parting well is an essential process of reflection and growth.
The characters in this book vividly illustrate the various emotions and behaviors that arise after a breakup, helping readers affirm their own grief reactions and embark on the path to healing.
"A Good Breakup" will be a heart-soothing prescription that will provide more direct help to those who are suffering severely from the aftereffects of a breakup.
How do we deal with separation in a life full of losses?
Human life is a series of encounters.
We live our entire lives constantly meeting people.
But conversely, life is also a series of separations and losses.
If there is a meeting with someone, there is bound to be a parting.
Because there is no eternal life for humans and no one can avoid the door of 'death', we constantly send someone away first.
Therefore, 'mourning', which deals with the sadness of letting go, is one of the important tasks in life.
The author, who has published the psychological essays 『Human Landscape』 and 『A Thousand Sympathies』 based on his own experience in psychotherapy and knowledge of psychoanalysis, seeks to heal the hearts of those who are grieving the loss of a loved one through this book.
This book is a work that opens the floodgates so that the river of sorrow can flow again for those who are suffering because the flow of sorrow has been blocked.
The author points out the pathological phenomena created by a culture that does not speak of separation through real people and characters in literary works, and says that 'mourning', which involves looking into the inner self of loss or deficiency, grieving sufficiently, and then emerging from it, is the essential solution that can heal grief and lead to new birth.
The author argues that most psychological problems stem from the inability to properly break up, hiding and suppressing the feelings of separation.
Therefore, it can be said that parting well is an essential process of reflection and growth.
The characters in this book vividly illustrate the various emotions and behaviors that arise after a breakup, helping readers affirm their own grief reactions and embark on the path to healing.
"A Good Breakup" will be a heart-soothing prescription that will provide more direct help to those who are suffering severely from the aftereffects of a breakup.
- You can preview some of the book's contents.
Preview
index
Chapter 1 Another Name for Love: A Good Goodbye
Settled in green and red ashes - those who never say goodbye
Even if I die, I won't shed tears - All emotions after a breakup are legitimate.
There's no place that doesn't hurt - grief is like a spiral staircase
The earthquake of the heart that will occur only then - the work of mourning is the key to healing and growth.
Chapter 2 The heart that cannot return, love is still there
I'd rather have a warm winter - shock, numbness
I did not send you - denial, denial
I can't even walk ten miles without getting sick - anger, aggression
Every windy evening I was alone - fear, anxiety
A name I will die by calling - longing, pursuit
Where the Rainbow Lives Over the Hill - Fantasy, Magical Thinking
Missed Trains Are Beautiful - Beautification, Idealization
Chapter 3: Where to Put the Hearts We've Gathered
There's too much of me inside me - narcissism, narcissism
Always be drunk - loving a substitute
The place I wandered was the sea - wandering, going far away
My poor love is trapped in an empty house - hiding in an autistic space
If only someone would slap me in the ear with a sharp hand - guilt, self-destruction
That's a silent scream - exploding with mania
Why do I only get bumps? - Body Symptoms
Chapter 4 Now I Will Sing Happiness
My body just won't listen to me - depression, breakdown
A person who has become water in my body - sadness, wailing
Losing Love, I'm Bitter - Sublimation, Self-Expression
Listen to the Wind's Song - Reading, Singing Sad Songs
If we meet as water - Forgiveness, Repentance
Farewell, My Youth - Separation, Letting Go
Your Beauty and Your Poverty - Integration, Internalization
Settled in green and red ashes - those who never say goodbye
Even if I die, I won't shed tears - All emotions after a breakup are legitimate.
There's no place that doesn't hurt - grief is like a spiral staircase
The earthquake of the heart that will occur only then - the work of mourning is the key to healing and growth.
Chapter 2 The heart that cannot return, love is still there
I'd rather have a warm winter - shock, numbness
I did not send you - denial, denial
I can't even walk ten miles without getting sick - anger, aggression
Every windy evening I was alone - fear, anxiety
A name I will die by calling - longing, pursuit
Where the Rainbow Lives Over the Hill - Fantasy, Magical Thinking
Missed Trains Are Beautiful - Beautification, Idealization
Chapter 3: Where to Put the Hearts We've Gathered
There's too much of me inside me - narcissism, narcissism
Always be drunk - loving a substitute
The place I wandered was the sea - wandering, going far away
My poor love is trapped in an empty house - hiding in an autistic space
If only someone would slap me in the ear with a sharp hand - guilt, self-destruction
That's a silent scream - exploding with mania
Why do I only get bumps? - Body Symptoms
Chapter 4 Now I Will Sing Happiness
My body just won't listen to me - depression, breakdown
A person who has become water in my body - sadness, wailing
Losing Love, I'm Bitter - Sublimation, Self-Expression
Listen to the Wind's Song - Reading, Singing Sad Songs
If we meet as water - Forgiveness, Repentance
Farewell, My Youth - Separation, Letting Go
Your Beauty and Your Poverty - Integration, Internalization
Into the book
1. The work of mourning is the process of letting go of the old life plot that operates within us, the inner self that remains in childhood.
Healing and growth naturally follow in the process.
If you carry out the work of mourning well, you will come to know yourself better and be reborn.
When you can understand yourself, you can understand others better, which increases your ability to understand and empathize with others.
Because the grieving process involves experiencing the full range of emotions that a human being can experience, you can feel emotionally expanded after going through the process.
Additionally, your understanding of various aspects of life will increase.
--- From “The Work of Grief is the Core of Healing and Growth”
2. Don't say 'it's okay'
When people around you ask how you are doing, don't give a formal answer like "I'm fine" but express your feelings honestly.
I still feel a little sad, my heart is heavy, etc.
Just expressing your emotions can help you solve your inner problems little by little.
Accept with honesty the care and compassion of those who ask you for help.
If someone feels uncomfortable with an honest answer after asking a formal question, thank them for asking and then change the subject.
--- From "Fear, Anxiety"
3.
Living with sadness
Grief is not a weakness or an illness, but is the core of the work of mourning.
During the mourning period, we should not try to overcome our grief, but rather live with it.
If you feel like crying, don't hold it in, just cry naturally.
You can cry for a little while whenever you feel like crying, you can turn on some music and cry out loud, or you can just pick a day and cry until your tears dry, recalling all the sad feelings in your heart.
--- From "Sadness, Crying"
4.
We must actively strive to be reborn as a new self in line with our new identity.
Rather than obsessing over the fact that the person who left you abandoned you, you need to adopt the attitude of “I will take the initiative in dealing with the situation where he left me” and act accordingly.
My existence does not depend on a departed lover or parent, but on my own decisions and actions.
Even the meaning of life must be discovered by oneself.
Healing and growth naturally follow in the process.
If you carry out the work of mourning well, you will come to know yourself better and be reborn.
When you can understand yourself, you can understand others better, which increases your ability to understand and empathize with others.
Because the grieving process involves experiencing the full range of emotions that a human being can experience, you can feel emotionally expanded after going through the process.
Additionally, your understanding of various aspects of life will increase.
--- From “The Work of Grief is the Core of Healing and Growth”
2. Don't say 'it's okay'
When people around you ask how you are doing, don't give a formal answer like "I'm fine" but express your feelings honestly.
I still feel a little sad, my heart is heavy, etc.
Just expressing your emotions can help you solve your inner problems little by little.
Accept with honesty the care and compassion of those who ask you for help.
If someone feels uncomfortable with an honest answer after asking a formal question, thank them for asking and then change the subject.
--- From "Fear, Anxiety"
3.
Living with sadness
Grief is not a weakness or an illness, but is the core of the work of mourning.
During the mourning period, we should not try to overcome our grief, but rather live with it.
If you feel like crying, don't hold it in, just cry naturally.
You can cry for a little while whenever you feel like crying, you can turn on some music and cry out loud, or you can just pick a day and cry until your tears dry, recalling all the sad feelings in your heart.
--- From "Sadness, Crying"
4.
We must actively strive to be reborn as a new self in line with our new identity.
Rather than obsessing over the fact that the person who left you abandoned you, you need to adopt the attitude of “I will take the initiative in dealing with the situation where he left me” and act accordingly.
My existence does not depend on a departed lover or parent, but on my own decisions and actions.
Even the meaning of life must be discovered by oneself.
--- From "Separation, Sending Away"
Publisher's Review
Love is only complete when it is parted well.
Novelist Kim Hyung-kyung's third essay on grief psychology, "A Good Goodbye."
...
Life is a process of resolutely letting go of the passing moments...
An author who explains the human mind in a simple, fun, and easy-to-understand way!
The third psychological essay by novelist Kim Hyung-kyung is about “breakup.”
We say goodbye every day.
The time of day, the season of this moment, me today, or the people I met today.
But for us, “breakup” is not a small, everyday thing, but rather a moment in life that we would rather not face.
The immense shock and sorrow of parting with a loved one or losing a precious family member becomes more heartbreaking the longer the love lasted and the more memories there are.
So we even consider it a 'cool' virtue to shake off the embarrassment, betrayal, loneliness, and longing we feel from a breakup as quickly as possible.
Just as the question of "How should love begin?" is important in life, so too is the question of "How to say goodbye well," which marks the end of many relationships I've had.
The grief psychology essay "A Good Goodbye" provides healing to those suffering from the pain of a breakup, based on the author's experience in psychotherapy and knowledge of psychoanalysis.
Breaking up well means taking time to grieve and deal with the aftermath of a breakup—the confusing and negative emotions that come with parting with familiar relationships, objects, and people.
Mourning can be said to be the process of digesting the sadness of letting go.
This book, consisting of four chapters, begins with the author's experiences.
Through anecdotes of novel characters and famous people, it shows us how the emotions of sadness that are kept hidden and not expressed can affect a person's life.
If you break up well, your heart will grow by leaps and bounds.
I have never experienced a breakup before?!
Partings are a constant part of our lives. They include separation from loved ones, the transition from elementary school to middle school, the loss of youth in our twenties and thirties, quitting a job, achieving a dream, letting go of an unfulfilled one, losing a cherished possession, the death of a pet, and so on.
All of these fall under the category of breakup, says author Kim Hyung-kyung.
We must heal and mourn these countless loss and live healthy, more advanced lives.
The aftermath of a breakup is not simple.
A sudden breakup leaves aftereffects like an unexpected car accident.
The shock and numbness from the breakup made me deny it, saying, "That's a lie!" and "Don't joke around!"
The next moment, they show aggression, saying, "How could you do this to me?" and "This is all your fault!"
When the breakup starts to feel real, we sometimes close our hearts to avoid experiencing this pain again.
And then, in some cases, they fall into negative things like alcohol, gambling, or games to replace the person who left.
When a close family member dies, the guilt grows, wondering, "Can I live so warm and fulfilled while the person who died is in a cold and dark place?" and the desire to destroy oneself can become overwhelming.
If you feel a ache in your body and mind because you haven't been able to grieve enough after experiencing a breakup or loss, you are currently suffering from the aftereffects of a breakup.
A culture that doesn't talk about breakups, people with sick hearts.
It is said that the problem of mourning arises not only when one loses a loved one, but also when one lacks the feeling of love, or when one suffers violence or abuse from someone one expected to love.
The severity of deprivation or violence is more lethal the earlier it is experienced in childhood.
Both the protagonist in the novel and the real people suffered from mental illness because they were unable to mourn properly.
For example, in Albert Camus' novel 'The Stranger', we have only talked about the absurd reality, but if we examine the actions and words of the protagonist Meursault, we can see that his absurdity is the result of a faulty process of mourning.
Former US President George W. Bush also has dyslexia, which makes it difficult for him to read newspapers and prevents him from spending more than 24 hours apart from his wife.
The reason is that he was unable to properly heal the sense of loss and sadness he felt over his younger sister whom he lost when he was young.
Bush's parents went out to play golf the day after their daughter died and did not explain to Bush about his sister's death.
Bush developed several developmental disabilities because he had no one or place to vent his sorrows.
Standing alone in the face of an awkward breakup
One day, we suddenly had to experience an awkward breakup, so we need to prepare ourselves to have a proper and good breakup.
The grief psychology essay "A Good Breakup" will serve as a recipe for grief work for those facing the prospect of standing alone after a breakup.
Chapter 1, "Love's Other Name: A Good Breakup," examines how a culture that doesn't talk about breakups has sickened our hearts, and delves into the inner feelings of loss and deprivation we've suppressed.
The author suggests that grieving and spending time in mourning is a fundamental solution to healing the pain and being reborn.
Chapter 2, 'The Heart That Doesn't Return, Love Still Remains', examines the psychological stage in which love and passion are still directed towards the other person even after a breakup.
You can find essential mental recipes to get through this period, such as 'slowing down the pace of life', 'asking for help from outside sources', 'recognizing and containing anger', 'not meeting ex-lovers', and 'having the mindset that everything passes'.
Chapter 3, “Where to Put the Heart You’ve Harvested,” deals with the psychological state of wandering, where you have collected your passion but don’t know how to use it.
During these times, it is recommended to 'think about the meaning and purpose of life', 'take care of yourself and write down how you want to be in a year', or 'help others or have a productive alternative'.
The final chapter, 'I Will Now Sing Happiness', shows the process of being reborn after suffering the pain of loss, using the libido that was hard to recover for one's own recovery and change.
It is said that during this time, 'living with sadness', 'being mindful of seasonal affective disorder', and 'organizing items of memories' are helpful.
By remembering that breakups are a part of life, we present a recipe that will help you gain both the freedom not to forgive and the courage to forgive.
In the end, we broke up...
The only way to get to the other side is through.
-Helen Keller
There is nothing in this world that does not change.
As the saying goes, everything changes, but the only thing that doesn't change is that it doesn't change.
No one can avoid separation.
Another thing to remember is the truth that 'everything passes'.
If we actively acknowledge the breakup and spend time grieving, our souls will grow a little taller.
Through the work of mourning, we can become truly autonomous and self-reliant people.
As we encounter ourselves living well without the people who played such an important role in our lives, our confidence and autonomy are strengthened.
So, by the time the mourning process is over, you will have become a much stronger and wiser person without even realizing it.
Let us not forget that by rediscovering the value of life, we encounter a new self, a new vision, and a new life.
p.50~51
Media recommendations
The author extends the issue of grief to questions of forgiveness, salvation, God, and religion.
It's too heavy to be a light essay, but too readable and light to be a humanities book.
The book beautifully maintains a proper balance.
- Choi Hyun-mi, reporter for Munhwa Ilbo
Author Kim Hyung-kyung says that we must be able to 'wave' at all things that are leaving.
He left because I didn't wave my hand and he never came back.
So, when we face separation, we must learn how to wave.
- Maeil Shinmun reporter Cho Du-jin
Based on his own experience, he provides a detailed introduction to the concept of mourning, its origins and development, the reality of mourning psychology, and the corresponding practical methods.
Above all, the realization and advice that reading is a wonderful way to mourn is invaluable.
- Herald Economy Reporter Lee Yoon-mi
A book that covers even the most recent social phenomena from the perspective of loss and mourning can be said to show 'everything about separation.'
- Kyunghyang Shinmun reporter Lee Young-kyung
Are you, the person reading this, currently suffering from the aftereffects of a terrible breakup?
If you have experienced a breakup with a loved one, why not now boldly express your feelings freely and legitimately in the midst of that pain?
- Reporter Hwang Jeong-eun of the Reading Newspaper
Novelist Kim Hyung-kyung's third essay on grief psychology, "A Good Goodbye."
...
Life is a process of resolutely letting go of the passing moments...
An author who explains the human mind in a simple, fun, and easy-to-understand way!
The third psychological essay by novelist Kim Hyung-kyung is about “breakup.”
We say goodbye every day.
The time of day, the season of this moment, me today, or the people I met today.
But for us, “breakup” is not a small, everyday thing, but rather a moment in life that we would rather not face.
The immense shock and sorrow of parting with a loved one or losing a precious family member becomes more heartbreaking the longer the love lasted and the more memories there are.
So we even consider it a 'cool' virtue to shake off the embarrassment, betrayal, loneliness, and longing we feel from a breakup as quickly as possible.
Just as the question of "How should love begin?" is important in life, so too is the question of "How to say goodbye well," which marks the end of many relationships I've had.
The grief psychology essay "A Good Goodbye" provides healing to those suffering from the pain of a breakup, based on the author's experience in psychotherapy and knowledge of psychoanalysis.
Breaking up well means taking time to grieve and deal with the aftermath of a breakup—the confusing and negative emotions that come with parting with familiar relationships, objects, and people.
Mourning can be said to be the process of digesting the sadness of letting go.
This book, consisting of four chapters, begins with the author's experiences.
Through anecdotes of novel characters and famous people, it shows us how the emotions of sadness that are kept hidden and not expressed can affect a person's life.
If you break up well, your heart will grow by leaps and bounds.
I have never experienced a breakup before?!
Partings are a constant part of our lives. They include separation from loved ones, the transition from elementary school to middle school, the loss of youth in our twenties and thirties, quitting a job, achieving a dream, letting go of an unfulfilled one, losing a cherished possession, the death of a pet, and so on.
All of these fall under the category of breakup, says author Kim Hyung-kyung.
We must heal and mourn these countless loss and live healthy, more advanced lives.
The aftermath of a breakup is not simple.
A sudden breakup leaves aftereffects like an unexpected car accident.
The shock and numbness from the breakup made me deny it, saying, "That's a lie!" and "Don't joke around!"
The next moment, they show aggression, saying, "How could you do this to me?" and "This is all your fault!"
When the breakup starts to feel real, we sometimes close our hearts to avoid experiencing this pain again.
And then, in some cases, they fall into negative things like alcohol, gambling, or games to replace the person who left.
When a close family member dies, the guilt grows, wondering, "Can I live so warm and fulfilled while the person who died is in a cold and dark place?" and the desire to destroy oneself can become overwhelming.
If you feel a ache in your body and mind because you haven't been able to grieve enough after experiencing a breakup or loss, you are currently suffering from the aftereffects of a breakup.
A culture that doesn't talk about breakups, people with sick hearts.
It is said that the problem of mourning arises not only when one loses a loved one, but also when one lacks the feeling of love, or when one suffers violence or abuse from someone one expected to love.
The severity of deprivation or violence is more lethal the earlier it is experienced in childhood.
Both the protagonist in the novel and the real people suffered from mental illness because they were unable to mourn properly.
For example, in Albert Camus' novel 'The Stranger', we have only talked about the absurd reality, but if we examine the actions and words of the protagonist Meursault, we can see that his absurdity is the result of a faulty process of mourning.
Former US President George W. Bush also has dyslexia, which makes it difficult for him to read newspapers and prevents him from spending more than 24 hours apart from his wife.
The reason is that he was unable to properly heal the sense of loss and sadness he felt over his younger sister whom he lost when he was young.
Bush's parents went out to play golf the day after their daughter died and did not explain to Bush about his sister's death.
Bush developed several developmental disabilities because he had no one or place to vent his sorrows.
Standing alone in the face of an awkward breakup
One day, we suddenly had to experience an awkward breakup, so we need to prepare ourselves to have a proper and good breakup.
The grief psychology essay "A Good Breakup" will serve as a recipe for grief work for those facing the prospect of standing alone after a breakup.
Chapter 1, "Love's Other Name: A Good Breakup," examines how a culture that doesn't talk about breakups has sickened our hearts, and delves into the inner feelings of loss and deprivation we've suppressed.
The author suggests that grieving and spending time in mourning is a fundamental solution to healing the pain and being reborn.
Chapter 2, 'The Heart That Doesn't Return, Love Still Remains', examines the psychological stage in which love and passion are still directed towards the other person even after a breakup.
You can find essential mental recipes to get through this period, such as 'slowing down the pace of life', 'asking for help from outside sources', 'recognizing and containing anger', 'not meeting ex-lovers', and 'having the mindset that everything passes'.
Chapter 3, “Where to Put the Heart You’ve Harvested,” deals with the psychological state of wandering, where you have collected your passion but don’t know how to use it.
During these times, it is recommended to 'think about the meaning and purpose of life', 'take care of yourself and write down how you want to be in a year', or 'help others or have a productive alternative'.
The final chapter, 'I Will Now Sing Happiness', shows the process of being reborn after suffering the pain of loss, using the libido that was hard to recover for one's own recovery and change.
It is said that during this time, 'living with sadness', 'being mindful of seasonal affective disorder', and 'organizing items of memories' are helpful.
By remembering that breakups are a part of life, we present a recipe that will help you gain both the freedom not to forgive and the courage to forgive.
In the end, we broke up...
The only way to get to the other side is through.
-Helen Keller
There is nothing in this world that does not change.
As the saying goes, everything changes, but the only thing that doesn't change is that it doesn't change.
No one can avoid separation.
Another thing to remember is the truth that 'everything passes'.
If we actively acknowledge the breakup and spend time grieving, our souls will grow a little taller.
Through the work of mourning, we can become truly autonomous and self-reliant people.
As we encounter ourselves living well without the people who played such an important role in our lives, our confidence and autonomy are strengthened.
So, by the time the mourning process is over, you will have become a much stronger and wiser person without even realizing it.
Let us not forget that by rediscovering the value of life, we encounter a new self, a new vision, and a new life.
p.50~51
Media recommendations
The author extends the issue of grief to questions of forgiveness, salvation, God, and religion.
It's too heavy to be a light essay, but too readable and light to be a humanities book.
The book beautifully maintains a proper balance.
- Choi Hyun-mi, reporter for Munhwa Ilbo
Author Kim Hyung-kyung says that we must be able to 'wave' at all things that are leaving.
He left because I didn't wave my hand and he never came back.
So, when we face separation, we must learn how to wave.
- Maeil Shinmun reporter Cho Du-jin
Based on his own experience, he provides a detailed introduction to the concept of mourning, its origins and development, the reality of mourning psychology, and the corresponding practical methods.
Above all, the realization and advice that reading is a wonderful way to mourn is invaluable.
- Herald Economy Reporter Lee Yoon-mi
A book that covers even the most recent social phenomena from the perspective of loss and mourning can be said to show 'everything about separation.'
- Kyunghyang Shinmun reporter Lee Young-kyung
Are you, the person reading this, currently suffering from the aftereffects of a terrible breakup?
If you have experienced a breakup with a loved one, why not now boldly express your feelings freely and legitimately in the midst of that pain?
- Reporter Hwang Jeong-eun of the Reading Newspaper
GOODS SPECIFICS
- Date of issue: May 1, 2012
- Page count, weight, size: 279 pages | 520g | 152*220*20mm
- ISBN13: 9788996773245
- ISBN10: 8996773247
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