★★★ The 2024 Bestseller That Captivated America ★★★

“Why do you think about death?
“Does it help you live a more worthwhile life?”

A beautiful end to life at the end of the world
Alua Arthur, the death attendant
The most brilliant story about death
Small but powerful answers to how to live

★★★★★ A New York Times bestseller upon publication
★★★★★ The author's lecture video has garnered 1.7 million views on TED and 7 million views on Refinery29.

The new book, "Death Taught Me How to Live," is a story about death written by the author, one of America's most influential end-of-life assistants, and it talks about how we think about death and how death can help us lead better, more fulfilling, and more authentic lives.
The book immediately became a New York Times and Amazon bestseller, becoming one of the hottest topics of 2024. Author Alua Arthur's TED talk has been viewed 1.7 million times, and her Refinery29 video has been viewed 7 million times.

Socially, we avoid conversations about death.
Just as Jessica's friends and family encouraged her to embrace hope for healing instead of dwelling on death, we pretend to have control over illness and life.
In that sense, humans are funny.
The apparent incompetence and helplessness of humans facing death reminds us of our limitations.
Of course, death is scary.
But the thought of death is a seed.
If you nurture that seed with care, life will grow like a wildflower in that spot.
The only thing we can control is how we accept death when we realize it.
When I was in Cuba, I became aware of death.
If you haven't realized it yet, what are you waiting for?
---From "Chapter 1: A Friend Met at the End of Life"

What does it take to love our bodies? How do we trust them, respect them, and let them go when death approaches? As we near the end of life, our bodies will demand surrender from us, having enjoyed the world to the fullest.
All life ultimately needs liberation from the complexity of life.
Nature does what nature does.
It's been like that since ancient times.
No one gets out alive.

---From "The body is always the one who wins Chapter 2"

My anger, expressed on sticky notes, continues to this day.
My sister, and the countless others who are struggling with complicated administrative procedures after her death, burned within me.
I decided that if there was no one to turn to for help anyway, I would be the one who could rely on those who had lost loved ones.
I could remind them that they were doing well.
I could have sat in the traffic office for them and explained to them what the death rally was about.
I was able to teach my children how to talk about death.
It could empower you to take care of your loved ones yourself.
I was able to hold their hands and hearts and be with them during difficult times.
And while I couldn't ease their pain, I could let them know that someone cared about how hard it was for them to endure it.
I could be their witness.
I wanted to do that.
---From "Chapter 4 Peter"

What I thought was 'failure' was just another familiar demon rearing its head in my subconscious.
Justina taught me to let go of such experiences.
The experience wasn't about what I could and couldn't do.
It was about her death.
Justina ended her life in the arms of her best friends, just as she had wanted.
I held her hand and was of use to her.
All we can do for those who are nearing death is to respond to their needs.

---From "Chapter 6: How to Become a Dying Helper"

Many of the qualities we think of as a “good death” are not unlike the qualities that make for a good life.
But everyone is different.
The unfounded belief that "all Black people are the same," living or dead, robs us of our quirkiness, our humor, our love, our obsessions, our individuality, and the complexity of our identities.
This oversimplification seems like an attempt to make black people easier to understand and digest.
But we can't be reduced to one lump.
How can we generalize about a race that has endured centuries of cruelty and yet refuses to suppress its joy? Acknowledging this truth is the best way to face that difficult, but good death.
A good death is grounded in who we were as unique individuals, not as a homogeneous group.
We all deserve it.

---From "Chapter 7 Dying as a Black Man"

As a palliative caregiver, I accompany my clients on their journey from their old self to a new self (even if that new self is the one facing death).
Naturally, people have a hard time accepting their own impending death or the death of a loved one.
To help them focus on the present, I suggest to my clients a daily practice called "finding their feet."
When I'm with someone who's stuck in the past or worried about the future, I simply remind them of their feet and encourage them to stay present with me.
The mind can travel.
But the body is always right here.
By paying attention to our feet and body, whether it's enjoying a warm foot bath or wiggling our toes with our bare feet firmly planted on the ground, we can find ourselves saying life-affirming words like, "Today, I am here."

---From "Chapter 8 Finding Feet"

Too often, death erases a part of a person.
Because the biological family did not condone or support such aspects, or because such aspects were kept secret.
Every part of our identity dies with us.
We ask the whole person.
But if we can honor someone as they were when they died, we can begin to break down the barriers that divide us and obscure our complex humanity.
Likewise, if we can proudly embrace and express our identity while we're alive, we can shine a light on and love the parts of ourselves that others choose to hate.
Ignore the haters and embrace your true self.

---From "10 Hexagonal Nails"

All we know is that everything ends.
Collective death denial encourages us to act as if we can live forever.
But we don't have forever to create the life we ​​want.

---From "Chapter 16: Cuba Waits"

I think about my death almost every day.
Sometimes I do crazy things like roller skating in the kitchen, and I imagine losing my balance, slipping, and crashing into the counter.
When I stand at the gate between this world and the next and witness the death of another, I think about my own death.
I still wonder how a human being can hold the spark of life and then evaporate like a wisp of smoke.
And sometimes I think about my death because my whole life seems to lead up to that very mysterious moment.

---From "Epilogue"