Stage 4 bile duct cancer, on the blurry border of life
One person's sentences of recovery, beginning with a renewed grasp of the seasons.

"A Joke of a Certain Season" is the chronicle of the life and spirit of author Park Joo-hye, who miraculously recovered from stage 4 bile duct cancer and a six-month prognosis.
This journey, which begins at the end of life, is a story not only of the painful moments of facing death, but also of the hope and love that were not lost even in that midst, and the determination to live again.
The seasons he faced while in the hospital were unusually slow and quiet, but the author found the strength to live again by capturing that time in writing.
This book is more than a medical miracle; it is a lyrical account of one man's recovery, a man who endured his season even in despair, and a powerful and quiet word of encouragement for someone enduring today.

The author accepts everything from brief conversations with those close to him, glances exchanged in silence, to the trivial daily routines that fill each day, and questions the meaning of "being alive."
The book quietly permeates with the connections made with people he met while battling illness, his longing for family, and the words of greeting that he never put off even in the face of an uncertain future.
These writings are not anecdotes of people who overcame illness, but rather testaments to the power of the heart that keeps people human even in their most vulnerable moments.
To everyone living through this season, I offer the belief that some kind of recovery is definitely happening, even at this very moment.

So, overnight, I became a cancer patient.
I've heard about cancer a lot in dramas and books.
That disease that darkens the atmosphere just by saying it out loud.
A disease usually used in dramas or books to eliminate characters.
Death always accompanies the disease called cancer.

I remembered how uncomfortable I felt one day when I heard that an acquaintance had cancer and didn't know what to say to comfort him.
But today, I was sitting there as that someone.
The old man must have been uncomfortable too.
Because I heard him say on the phone that he would wait on the bench until his son came with the car.
I had become an uncomfortable person who I avoided because I didn't know how to comfort them.
--- From "Prologue" pp.28-29

Knowing that chemotherapy would be difficult, my husband must have felt sorry and afraid as he asked me to hold on a little longer and stay by his side.
My husband had been struggling since the pain, a precursor symptom of cancer, began and didn't know what to do.
I couldn't make my husband feel helpless and hopeless any longer.
I think that moment that day left a very strong impression on my mind.
The determination to fight and overcome this cancer that threatened to completely destroy my life was deeply rooted in my heart.
--- pp.35-36 From "Chapter 1 Between Hope and Despair"

They say that the risk of hair loss as a side effect of chemotherapy for bile duct cancer is less than 1%, but I ended up losing my hair.
I talked and laughed with my husband.
“I’m in that difficult 1%.
“The 5-year survival rate could be within 2%.”
Every time I wash my hair, I see a ton of hair falling out and I think, 'If I wash it five more times, I'll go bald.'
I was planning to go to the hair salon before Chuseok, but I'm holding off for a bit because I'm worried that the adults will be upset when they see my hair.
After the holidays, I plan to get a wig and shave my head before I get discouraged by my hair loss.
I thought to myself, "Isn't it cool and good to make my own choices before being controlled by circumstances?"
--- pp.67-68 From “Chapter 1 Is Cancer Treatment That Scary? 2”

One of the biggest things that made me depressed from time to time during my cancer treatment was the inability to make any plans for my uncertain future.
Even amidst this uncertainty, as I continued to encounter positive results, the things I had dreamed of gradually began to feel like empty dreams over the past few days, adding to my depression.
If you think about it carefully, you will feel a sense of injustice as you wonder why everyone else can do it but you can't.
At this point, I decided that I needed to transform my stubbornness, a kind of fighting spirit, into a will to achieve it.
And don't leave this promise vague, but put it into practice and make it a 'must-achieve'
I'm going to try changing it to a 'horse plan'.
--- p.111 From “Chapter 2: Desiring More”

Every time I experienced the change of seasons, I felt anxious because I thought that this might be the last time.
Especially for me, who waits for the pretty, sparkling warmth of Christmas all year round, I expected that the Christmas tree would bring me a sense of happiness and satisfaction not only in the cold winter but all year round.
But I realized that props that were out of date and out of style didn't create lasting excitement.
Now that I think about it, I probably missed the point that when the cold wind blows, you have to take out the tree and decorate it, and that the excitement of waiting for the Christmas tree to warmly brighten up the cold winter is also a part of fully savoring the happiness of the season.
--- p.165 From “Chapter 3: Seasonal Happiness”

This year, filled with countless ups and downs, was a time when my life philosophy was able to become more firmly established.
Many people who heard the news of my miraculous recovery are now blessing me and cheering me on, hoping that I will now walk a path of flowers and have only happy times.
Now, even times of sadness, joy, and hardship will be like a flower path for me, and I will be able to accept every moment with gratitude and happiness.
Because I realized that being alive, being alive itself, is a blessing.
And I believe in myself.
Even if another time of trial comes, we will once again boldly raise our hopes.

--- From "Epilogue" pp.283-284