Writing something is like turning on a light in the darkest room of your mind.
Everyone dreams of a happy life, but real life blossoms in the cracks where happiness and anxiety coexist.
Through desperate self-confession and reflection, the author confronts his inner wounds and regains the strength to live again.


This book is the story of one man who learned to stop instead of holding on, to defend himself instead of giving up.
The author, who had been working tirelessly for a long time to become a lawyer, asks himself one day:
Am I living my life true to myself now?
The question frees him from the anxiety, guilt, and worldly standards that have been weighing him down, and allows him to find his own path.
His choice of peace over perfection, of the breath of everyday life over achievement, awakens in us the courage to live true to ourselves.

I felt a sense of longing in my mother's laughter on the hill of Montmartre.
She must have been harboring a long dream for over 50 years to make one bucket list come true.
In my mother's life, Montmartre Hill was probably not just a tourist destination.
It was a goal that embodied her long-held desire and perseverance, and it was like a faint light that helped her endure the hardships of life.
Having a goal is a beautiful thing, but on the other hand, the fact that it is the final destination that we reach after walking for so long was somewhat sad for me, the son.
--- pp.25-26

Whenever I see the small letters that say 'Haeundae Reading Salon' posted on the door, I feel a strange and overwhelming sense that this is a small world I created.
When I open the door, a familiar air mixed with the smell of old books and coffee greets me.
In the room, which is filled with white bookshelves, the books we read together are neatly arranged.
Twelve hand-picked, old desks are neatly arranged in the living room, and they are always cleaned and tidied before each meeting.
Piano music or soft jazz music filling the empty space, a warm cup of coffee in hand.
In that quiet moment, I feel a sense of peace, as if the world has stopped.
Sometimes the time spent preparing for a meeting is more precious and poignant.
--- p.48

I often ask newcomers to my book club why they read.
The answers that come back are mostly similar.
Because I don't read books alone, for self-development, because I have a favorite author, etc.
I've heard the same answer countless times over the past six years.
But the answer I heard recently was a little different.
A member who had just turned 30 straightened his back and said:

“My boss at work is very harsh with his words.
“I want to read some books and gain some knowledge so I can beat him.”
It was refreshing to learn that the reason you read a book might be to win over someone.

--- p.104

When I was considering becoming a full-time writer, no one could have predicted where that life would end.
People who have succeeded in what they love will tell you to do what you want to do, while those who have failed will advise you to find a stable job.
But there is a catch to these words.
They have already experienced the consequences of their choices.
It's like stock analysis.
What we want is a stock price prediction, but experts only come up with plausible analyses after the results are out.
There is no right answer to any decision regarding the future.
This means that all advice may be wrong.
Advice is for 'reference only'.
The most important thing is your own choice.
Fortunately, we make most of our own decisions.
Through the results, I am constantly learning about life and creating my own standards for making choices.
--- pp.111-112

I don't have a good relationship with my mother.
This fact sometimes makes me hate myself.
I have a suspicion that I, who believed myself to be a warm person, may actually be a hypocrite.
Every time I become blunt with my mother, her suspicions deepen.
My mother often expresses her disappointment directly.
“Do you know that I had a hard time studying in Seoul?
Everyone in the neighborhood pointed fingers at us for sending our children to school despite our circumstances.
I endured it anyway, and did everything I could.
That's what I want to say."
Whenever I hear things like this, I always feel uneasy.
I was foolish to have taken my mother's words at face value, as she always said everything was fine.
If you had been honest with me, I would have gone to a university near my house instead of in Seoul.
When I think about how my parents might have suffered a little less if I had done so, I feel a deep sense of guilt.
--- pp.155-156

What's most important to me is what works best for me.
All I can give you are questions, not answers.
What kind of life do I want, what does a day that suits me look like, can that work fill me, and if so, what am I hesitating about?
If you run too fast, you might miss the answer right in front of you.
Sometimes you have to stop to see things.
Today too, I went to work as late as possible and left work as early as possible.
The commute to work is still as heavy as when I was a child, throwing a tantrum because I didn't want to go to kindergarten, and work hours aren't always enjoyable.
Nevertheless, by the time I get off work, I think I've had a good day.

--- pp.179-180