prolog.
I was a man who had thirty more reasons to kill myself.

Part 1.
We part ways and meet again at countless crossroads.
Sunshine and Mozart, maybe the Seomjin River
There is nothing in the world that is only bad.
I want to love myself… … .
But how?
If you pretend to be in love, you will fall in love easily.
I don't want to live and die like this in my one and only life.
A kind word can overcome a mountain of hatred.
I refrain from any comments about my appearance.
In any case, if something that has been solidified is to move, we are in pain.
Who are those 'others'?
Strangely, I am not afraid of unjust people.

Part 2.
What's important is to cherish myself, more than my relationship with them.
The crying, the abandoned, the driven, the hurt
Breaking up with someone was the hardest thing
We need to hear about our strengths
I guess I won't have to do that in the future.
The moment I decided not to be a good daughter
Let's draw the line here.
Stop saying that
My parents are in despair
I don't like it, I just don't like it...

Part 3.
I had to find the answer at all costs.
How do you want to live the rest of your life?
I'm starting to dislike people more and more.
I didn't want to hate myself for getting older.
In this world, there are things I can do and things I can't do.
Let us humbly acknowledge all variability, all human frailty.
Sometimes we may not truly want to solve a problem.
I don't like pain, I don't like not growing.
I will decline
What we really need to fear is

Epilogue.
Not because of that, but despite that
Author's Note
reference book

“I only have one life, I don’t want to live and die like this.”
A record of efforts to love myself
In an age where anxiety can easily consume us, we each struggle to find ways to feel happy and love ourselves.
After several appearances on public television, Gong Ji-young, a famous person recognized even by grandmothers in the mountains, was soon forgotten, often becoming a topic of gossip for having been married and divorced three times and for expressing her political views.
Articles containing photos of distorted expressions were flooded with malicious comments, and mental health issues were linked to serious, unexplained health problems.
Despite this, he honestly and calmly described the efforts he made while living alone on the banks of the Seomjin River until he could say he was happy in his essay, “Nevertheless.”

I want to love myself… .
It's a decision that every Korean woman has made at least once.
But since the method is not written anywhere, the author begins by looking in the mirror and saying with difficulty “I love you” to her aged face and body, setting the table properly and eating slowly even when eating alone rather than just filling it up, and washing, dressing, and putting herself to bed as if she were taking care of a loved one.

We know that everything takes practice.
Riding a bike, not speaking English or Chinese, doesn't really affect your life, but if you want to do it, start practicing.
We know that both Jo Seong-jin and Kim Yuna practiced countless times before standing on stage.
But I'm starting to think carefully about whether I've forgotten that "loving myself" is also something that requires practice.


“It won’t be long, so we must cherish it, love it, and live it.”
Take your time and look at it for a long time, don't be consumed by anxiety
Sunlight, Yunseul, cats, cherry blossoms… Three juniors who question life visit the small country house of the writer who has found peace of mind through daily efforts in nature.
H, who had been taking care of his younger sibling since he was a teenager and studying and working at a large company, was scammed while trying to help a laid-off worker and ended up in debt.
I work over 13 hours a day without a weekend off, but I'm worried about whether I should continue working at a company that keeps pushing me out of promotions because I'm a woman.
J's parents, who have never earned money in their lives and have depended on their children, are now threatening to commit suicide if they don't give them money, but J is scared of being called a bitch and wants to remain a good daughter.
S, who graduated from a good university and studied abroad, had to take a break from her career to raise a child. She is in hell after seeing a text message and suspecting that her husband is having an affair.
At the same time, I hate getting older and find it hard to accept.
We can find myself, my friends, my sister, my mother, my aunt, my grandmother in them.
The author, who seems to be saying something completely out of the blue after hearing their concerns, confesses in the epilogue, “In fact, what I said to these three juniors was actually what I said to myself.”
The author's message that we need time to fully appreciate and appreciate the wonders of nature, that we need to prioritize our most precious selves over relationships, and that we need to live our short lives with love and cherishment resonates deeply.

As we go through this process together, readers will also be able to look closely and meticulously at the problems they each face.
It can be heartbreaking and painful.
But the author says that pain that was honestly met has never disappointed him.
Self-deception, self-deception is always the problem.
Instead of soft, superficial words of healing and comfort like, “Everything is okay, just be happy today, everything will be okay,” conversations that sharply dig into the essence of life take place, and we are forced to face the harsh truth of life without reservation.

Humans cannot grow without pain.
Life has no middle ground, it's a choice between growing up or growing old.
The author says that what we should really fear is not growing old, but growing old.
We must remember that having problems is a sign of our strength, and that suffering is perhaps a sign that we are alive.


“When I said I was happy, people looked puzzled.

This book is the answer to that.”
Love and accept myself as I am, here and now.
The whole world was talking about personal stories and pain that people did not want to know about.
Although I received a lot of support and love, I had no power to stop those who wanted to harass and curse me from doing so.
But there was one thing they could do: instead of being bullied as they pleased, they could maintain inner peace, even if it was difficult.
Because the pain was coming, and because there wasn't a single day that went by without bitterness, the writer had to find an answer at all costs.

The best way to overcome the difficulties of reality is to look at reality as it is, without any preconceived notions or expectations.
If you've been trying to interpret people and situations in a positive light, the author says there's no need to struggle.
Sometimes even well-intentioned interpretations can lead to mistakes and hope can be poisonous.
Looking at the situation squarely, not optimistically, does not necessarily mean pessimism.
As Zizek says, it is another optimistic answer.
If there are more than a hundred reasons to think that something is painful, there are also more than a hundred reasons to think that something is happy.
The moment we accept that all we can do is examine ourselves and change ourselves, we will find peace of mind.
Happiness doesn't come like the sun rising in the morning and shining its light through the window.
So the author's message that we should be happy not just because we are happy, but "despite everything", gives us special comfort and resonance here and now.


“My dear friends, please be happy, no matter what kind of people your parents are, no matter what kind of people your siblings are, no matter what your past was, no matter what your husband did, no matter how sad you were, no matter how much you cried, no matter how lonely you were, no matter how much you hurt, may you enjoy the happiness of being alive in this world today.
We have the right and the duty to be happy.
Not because of that, but despite that!”