As an international relief and development NGO activist, I had been working tirelessly for 12 years in Afghanistan, Cambodia, Kenya, and Chad when I lost my job and my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

“Okay, I’ll take care of Mom!”

The time of caregiving started half voluntarily and half involuntarily, but for me, who had already entered menopause, taking care of her alone was not easy, both physically and mentally.

The past seven years have been a cycle of sadness, frustration, complaints, and heartache.
Still, it was a time when I prepared for this and that, took on challenges, and ran hard.

A heartfelt thank you to those who care about me and support me.
“Anyway, I will live happily.”

When I got home, my mother was lying down, suffering from the aftereffects of the medicine, and eating only porridge for meals.
Alzheimer's medications can cause nausea and other side effects, so it takes time to adjust.
The next day, I told the doctor my symptoms and he changed me to the lowest level of medication.

“My mother’s symptoms didn’t appear overnight.
“It must have been going on for a long time, but I didn’t know because my family wasn’t there.”
The doctor added, looking at the monitor.

In fact, even before she started burning laundry, my mother had been losing her bank cards frequently and buying the same things over and over again.
There was even an incident where I tore up all the photos in three albums, leaving only a few.
The three of us were shocked by the change in our mother, who loved photography so much.
Photos are a gift of memories that prove when, where, and with whom you were present.
Does Mom not want to remember anymore?
--- p.14

I even had a confrontation with a pensioner who would come to my office when he was drunk and throw chairs and cause trouble.
He was a big man who wouldn't even be able to pick up a bone if he got hit, but I, a small person, rushed at him without any fear.
After that incident, the old man became gentle only in front of me.

One day, I heard that a woman with a mental illness had given birth in an empty house.
Burning with a sense of justice, I picked up my newborn baby and went to her in-laws' house, where I got into a huge fight with my mother-in-law.
Because her mother-in-law kicked her out, the woman was living a subhuman life with her two daughters in a nearby abandoned house.
That baby would be an adult now.
It was hard at the time, but when I think back now, those were indescribably warm and nostalgic days.

In the civil service, the mayor, section chief, and director are truly the highest positions.
The people who were transferred are now taking that 'top position'.
That also means that you have been working for a long time and are not far from retirement age.
If I hadn't resigned, I would have been among them.
Don't you envy them or regret it?
--- p.30

My first experiment was to try natural dyeing for my mother's snow-white hair and my increasingly gray hair.
No matter how good the ingredients are, existing chemical dyes damage my hair, so I decided to try various natural dyeing methods introduced by YouTubers.

First, there is the method of dyeing with coffee. According to their claims, after dyeing it just three or four times, the hair becomes better and the gray color is also good.
I mixed the coffee powder with water and applied it generously to my mother's hair until it was an appropriate consistency.
I put a plastic cap on and waited for over an hour.
But as I rinsed my hair, the coffee water ran out and eventually my hair turned gray again.
I only made my mother suffer because of her sore back.

Here's how to dye with boiled ginger water.
Ginger is said to have a better dyeing effect than coffee.
I cut up some fresh ginger, boiled it, let it cool, and applied the ginger water to my hair.
But my mom said that her eyes and nose were burning because the ginger water was running down her face.
It was an attempt that required a great deal of dedication and energy, but it was a failure.
When you have a cold, ginger is best consumed as ginger tea.

Besides that, I tried brewing strong black tea and applying it, and I also tried red wine here and there, but there was no change at all.
When my mom asked why my hair wasn't dyed, I told her it was because it was natural dye, and instead bragged that my hair texture was better and my roots were stronger.

The second experiment is removing spots with vinegar, which is popular these days.
This method involves mixing vinegar in flour and using a cotton ball to dab it on the mole. The acid in the vinegar will penetrate the skin and remove the mole.
--- p.120

That evening, I received a call from a center employee.
During art class, when her mother's hands were shaking and she couldn't draw well, the grandmother next to her tried to help, but her mother got angry and said, "I can do it too, so don't touch me."
Also, when returning home, the mother got off the bus last, so she got annoyed and fought with him to get off in the middle.
I couldn't believe that my usually gentle mother was acting like this.
My mom said she would never go back after going for one day.
No matter how much I tried to persuade him with nice words, it was no use.
My mother is gentle, but she has always been stubborn and would never do something if she said no.
'Well then, that's my fate~'

A few days after the industrial complex staff visited, I received a call saying that I had received a grade 4.
Thanks to this, I will be able to receive nursing care starting next month.
My church sister opened a welfare center, and a caregiver introduced through the center visited.
It's difficult for caregivers and recipients to get along well, so I was really relieved when a good person came.
The caregiver visits five times a week for three hours a day, and the amount we have to pay out of pocket varies depending on the number of days worked, but is said to be approximately 150,000 won per month.

--- p.187