Is there nothing else besides life and death?
A desperate monologue in search of a reason for existence

The tenth story in the short story series "Takeout," featuring novelists and illustrators representing the 2030 generation, is "Emergency Door," told by Jinyoung Choi and Younggeun Byun.
Author Choi Jin-young, who empathizes with the sorrow and pain of others, has this time chosen an older brother who has lost his younger sibling as the narrator.
I try to find out why my younger brother, who committed suicide, had to live, but I can't figure out what's going on with my older brother.
My brother's sad and sorrowful sigh spreads through Byun Yeong-geun's soft and considerate landscape painting.

There were times when I thought it might have been an accident or murder.
As I focused on that thought, I became increasingly angry.
I know very well that's not true. It was all caught on CCTV.
I have tried moving along the path my younger brother took on camera.
My brother walked alone, entered the building alone, and did not take the elevator.
I followed my younger brother up the stairs.
Emergency exit signs appeared every time the floor changed.
As I continued to follow the signs, I really felt like I was evacuating.
It seemed like a sign that there was hope at the end.
At the end, I opened the emergency exit.
It was the rooftop.
What's next? --- p.12

Just as each person has different eyesight, there will be some who are particularly good at seeing the dark and damp parts of existence.
People who can't take their eyes off stains that others can't find, and who listen to sounds that others can't even hear.
People whose senses are particularly developed in that direction.
I believe Shinwoo was that kind of person.
--- p.16

After I enlisted, I cried a lot while on night watch.
When I faced the quiet darkness, I couldn't help but think of Shinwoo.
At that time, even the devil was asleep and did not mock me, and I could cry for a long time without any disturbance as long as I did not wake anyone by crying.
I asked him a hundred times, “Shinwoo, why did you do that?” and apologized a hundred times, “Shinwoo, I’m sorry,” and cursed him a hundred times, calling him a selfish bastard and a terrible bastard.
The black void took my questions, apologies, and curses instead of Shinwoo.
The night was getting darker and heavier.
--- p.23

What about suicide?
What's wrong with killing yourself?
Don't we all live our lives killing ourselves a little? Destroying our own personality, our own self-esteem, our own sincerity, sometimes acting as if we don't exist, as if we're dead? Living like that can be more terrifying than dying.
Then you can die.
What's strange about dying?
Is it suicide? If you can die for others, you can die for yourself.
There are people for whom death is the only way to save themselves.
--- p.48

You can be happy.
Everyone is desperate to be happy.
I find that terrible.
Shinwoo, don't die.
Live for now.
Then everything will be okay.
That's irresponsible talk.
Do you know my future, hyung? You don't know either.
I don't know, but why did you die?
I know.
How do you know?
What do you know?
Are you a god? You can't tell even when you look at me.
Humans are really disgusting.

--- p.53