“Do you know my heart well?”

When I learn, understand, apply, and guard my heart
May you live in true peace.

The author majored in psychology and counseling psychology, but has a somewhat unusual background, having previously dedicated himself to being a missionary.
The author was born to a pastor's daughter and grew up in a Christian environment. Despite believing in God, she saw many people struggling with anxiety and unease.
Realizing that this is a problem of a different dimension from lack of faith, I tried to understand the representative topics that arise in our hearts and relationships from a Christian perspective.


In the introduction to the book, the author quotes William R. Delaney.
Miller (William R.
Miller) and Harold D.
Delaney (Harold D.
This book focuses on several aspects of human nature, focusing on the mind and relationships, as introduced in Delaney's book, Judeo-Christian Perspectives on Psychology.
First, 'humans are not gods', second, 'all humans are sinners', third, 'humans were created as relational beings', and fourth, 'humans are beings of hope'. This book leads readers to a comfortable state of mind by warmly explaining the definitions with biblical insight.
In addition, by exploring Erik Erikson's psychosocial development stages, I explore my psychosocial state and where I am in the developmental stage, guiding me on the path to understanding myself and others.
It also provides guidance on how to build healthy emotional relationships within the family, which is the starting point and most important for human relationships, and how to love myself and expand that love to my neighbors based on that.
I hope that through this book, you will be able to fully understand yourself and comfortably love yourself and your neighbors.

First, “Humans are not God.”
It may seem obvious, but when we apply this short sentence to our lives, we realize that it contains a lot of messages.
This means that “humans are not the ultimate authority on morality.”
In other words, humans are bound to have limitations in judging who is right and who is wrong.
This can also apply to myself.
For example, let's say I constantly repeat to myself, "Why am I like this?", "I'm pathetic", or "I'm such a worthless person."
This means that I myself am in a position of ultimate authority in judgment.
--- p.12

Since we are not all Gods and are all sinners, we cannot live constantly saying “yes, yes” in every aspect of life.
How can you live by just trying to please everyone?
Sometimes it is wise to appropriately decline and draw a line when someone asks or demands something.
But if you can't do that, you will eventually reach your limits.
They say there is a disease that is only found in Koreans, and that is 'hwabyeong'.
It's a kind of depression.
Some people also complain of physical symptoms such as difficulty breathing or feeling like something is stuck in their throat.
There are also many people who are recognized as kind and are called 'good people' outside, but who actually commit domestic violence at home.
Outside, they can't say no and hold back their anger, but eventually, it explodes at home and manifests as extreme violence.
There are many such cases even among those who are recognized as faithful Christians in the church.
We can't help it because we are sinners.
--- p.18

Third, ‘humans were created as relational beings.’
Let us recall the moment of human creation as described in the Bible.
Adam was created and shortly thereafter Eve was created.
That is, 'I and you' were created.
So, we can guess that human nature is relational.
In psychology, it is said that 'the balance between individuality and unity in humans is very important' in this regard.
What happens if this balance of individuality and unity is broken?
For example, I think it would be okay if I lived alone dealing with my anxiety and worries, but as I live, that is not possible.
Other people's lives come and become intertwined.
This mainly applies to families.
--- p.23

As you can see from the order of creation, presence is really important to men.
This is a question of how much influence I can exert on the world.
So, when you look at men, they instinctively engage in a 'power struggle' within a group.
It's not simply a matter of having or not having the muscle, but a competition about what kind of presence I have in this group and how much influence I can exert.
It is in the same vein to want to have people under you.
The term 'dad joke' is often used.
Middle-aged men fall into this category. When they hear an interesting story, they remember it and say, "I have to tell it at the meeting today."
Why is that?
When I say something and the other person laughs and says, “Wow, that story is really funny!”, then the other person has been influenced and feels a sense of presence.
Strangely enough, there are no ‘auntie gags’.
--- p.35

It is said that God created Eve and brought her to Adam.
When women were created, there was already someone in the world.
What kind of relationship she had with him was an important issue for the woman.
In other words, feeling connected to others is more important to women than to men.
Women may feel connected to the people around them, have their backs, or have someone on their side, and so they want to belong somewhere.
The presence or absence of these relationships has a significant impact on women's life satisfaction.
Just by understanding this and looking at each other, there are many things we can guess.

--- p.37