The 'inner child' is the most vulnerable and vulnerable part of our personality, the 'intuitive' instinct that prioritizes emotions.
In other words, it is our original self, our core self, and our innate personality when we were born.
This inner child has talents, instincts, intuition, and emotions.
The inner child can also be likened to the right brain, which is the creative part responsible for emotions and experiences.
One thing to note is that we must distinguish between the concepts of inner child and childhood.
We do a lot of 'childish things' as children.
He speaks with a short tongue, rolls around in the mud, and fights with his brothers when he gets angry.
And when things don't go their way, they pout or stamp their feet.
But the inner child refers to 'purity' rather than the childishness of childhood.
As we age and become adults, the inner child's vulnerability, intuition, sense of wonder, imagination, innate wisdom, and ability to feel emotions do not diminish or change.
Inner child and childhood are completely different concepts.
Therefore, having had an unfortunate childhood does not necessarily mean that your inner nature, your inner child, is unhappy.
--- p.36

In fact, no one consciously decides not to love themselves.
If we were asked how we actually treat ourselves, most of us would say we treat ourselves in a "mature, appropriate, and responsible way."
But these words are only meaningful when backed up by actions.
“Did our choices lead to loving actions?” “Did our actions contribute to the spiritual and emotional growth of ourselves and others?” “Did our self-esteem increase?” If we can’t answer “yes” to these questions, we’ve abandoned our inner child.
If you abandon your inner child like this, you will not be able to take action to help yourself.
Not taking action is avoiding responsibility for yourself.
When the inner child is abandoned by the adult self, it feels unlovable and worthless.
Ultimately, because the adult self does not consider itself a valuable person, it relies on other people or objects to find its own worth.
This kind of dependence on something other than oneself is called dependence.
--- p.62~63

When speaking to your inner child, it can be helpful to use a doll.
First, turn the doll's face outward and hold it to your chest while breathing in.
Focus your consciousness within yourself and imagine yourself as a child.
The doll becomes your inner child.
Picture your adult self sitting in front of you or surrounding your inner child with loving energy.
It may be helpful to have a picture of your current face, that is, an adult face, in front of you.
Especially when you feel pain, it is important to believe that your inner child is not alone, but that your adult self is there with you.
When we were children, we had to endure loneliness and pain alone.
But now, if you show love to your inner child, you can make that loneliness disappear.
When we engage in conversation with our inner child, either verbally or in writing, with the intention of truly knowing and learning about ourselves, we can draw out the loving and caring energy within us and heal our suffering.
--- p.94

What makes us unhappy is not external events or the actions of others, but our own false beliefs.
There is a misconception that most people have.
It is the belief that our happiness and unhappiness come from outside.
That is, how others view us and treat us, and whether they love and accept us.
The mistaken belief is that the emotions we feel are an inevitable reaction to how others treat us, and that we are ultimately victims of others.
As long as we are caught up in these wrong ideas, we cannot be happy on our own.
Because we get stuck in the mindset of wanting someone to make us happy or thinking that changing other people will make us happy.
That is, we become trapped in an unhealthy dependence.
We must recognize the truth that the emotions we feel arise from our thoughts, beliefs, and our actions toward ourselves and others.
Unless we open our hearts to this truth, we remain trapped in the belief that we are powerless and victims of the actions of others.
But when we begin to take responsibility for our own happiness and unhappiness, joy and pain, through a loving bond with our inner child, we can take the first step toward a healthy life.
--- p.100

Whether you were raised well by your parents or not, the truth of life is always the same.
The truth is that the only person who can influence your mind is you.
Making up your own mind is something only you can do.
No one can replace this.
Everyone wants to feel good, safe, and loved by others.
In fact, one of the sad truths of life is that we cannot receive from anyone else as adults what we did not receive from our parents as children.
We can get love from the world or engage in behaviors that make us feel good for a while, like addictions.
But unless we love ourselves and express it through our actions, no matter how much love we receive from outside, we will continue to feel worthless and unworthy of love inside.
Therefore, we must first give love to ourselves before seeking love from outside.
If you do not love with the intention of looking within and learning, your heart will be closed.
If that happens, even if love comes from outside, it won't be properly conveyed to us and will only act as a temporary painkiller.
If you're constantly searching for the perfect parent or ideal spouse to fill the void and alleviate the pain and loneliness, you're probably going to be waiting your whole life.
Also, in the process, you will continue to suffer from the thought that you are missing out on something precious in life.
The key to solving the problem lies within us.
--- p.112~113

Covert manipulation is when we use compliments, care, kindness, and seduction to get others to like or accept us.
Also, to look good in front of others, you may agree with what they say or follow what they want even though you don't want to.
For example, you might sleep with someone you don't want to, force yourself to spend time with them even though you want to do something else, buy something you don't want to buy, or even have children even though you don't want them.
The reason we do these things is to gain love and acceptance from others, or to avoid rejection.
They even convince themselves that only by giving up on themselves in this way can they be loved by others.
But love isn't something you get like this.
If we give something to get approval or to avoid the other person's critical gaze, we are manipulating the other person.
The real intention behind this behavior is not to give to others, but to receive or avoid something.
Only giving with true joy can be said to be an act of love.
--- p.129

When the adult self is an overly permissive parent, they either neglect the inner child by not being there for the inner child, or they just let the child do whatever he or she wants without meeting the child's actual needs.
In this case, rather than facing the fear head-on, we avoid it with other emotions.
“I feel terrible.
So I guess I'll have another drink." When we fail at something, we tend to ignore the hurt feelings themselves.
“I didn’t really want to do that project anyway.” After that, he avoids it with other emotions.
“I need to go shopping to feel better.” Sometimes we fail to properly control our inner child and allow it to yell, threaten, or physically harm others as it pleases.

Disconnecting from your own emotions is like giving up on being a parent to your inner child.
So what happens then? One reason we don't become loving parents is because our adult selves don't want to do it.
You want to leave the work of making yourself happy to someone else.
--- p.165~166

There are some wrong stereotypes that have taken root in modern society.
When you fall in love, you think that love will last forever and that the two people in love will become one.
In other words, it is an illusion that two people will unite and become complete, and there will be no more loneliness.
Anyone who is married knows this is not true.
The most important thing in loving one another is that you must first learn to love yourself.
If you don't love and accept yourself, you won't be able to open your heart to love because you will be protecting and defending yourself.
For a marital relationship to last a long time, both partners must be in touch with their own inner feelings and be open and considerate of the feelings of others.
That said, there is no insurance for relationships, only a process.
In other words, there is no end to our efforts to grow, and our relationships are in the process of those efforts.
If couples can maintain a connection with their inner selves and open their hearts to each other, they will experience infinite richness and joy in life.
--- p.231~232

Because of our own inner disconnection, we often end up in dependent relationships, regardless of how much we love the other person.
Sometimes, people go through marriage with fear inside them.
However, most people begin to show symptoms of a dependent relationship within six months.
Conflicts with a lover have many similarities to conflicts between married couples.
Even in a relationship, like a married couple, there is a fear of losing not only oneself but also the other, and a fear of not being enough for the other.
Sometimes you may fight about time, money, or sex.
Additionally, if one party is already dating or married, they may suffer from a love triangle.
When you live together, issues related to money and household chores come up.
Since they are not married, they usually feel very insecure about each other.
And this insecurity often leads to dependent relationships.
People who fail to form inner bonds express their anxiety and fear through dependent behavior.
Also, there are many cases where they cannot settle down with one person and are always moving from one person to another.

--- p.237~238

If you feel that giving to your parents is the best thing you can do and comes from love, you are not in a dependent relationship.
Conversely, if you give to your parents out of fear, obligation, or guilt, you are in a dependent relationship.
In that case, you can't help but feel angry and resentful all the time.
Forcing yourself to provide for your parents in this dependent way is an unloving act.
There are many parents who, instead of giving love to their children, treat them carelessly and only expect support later on.
In such cases, caring for your parents can actually be an act of self-abuse.
No matter what your relationship with your parents was like growing up, it changes after you become an adult.
Also, as we grow, our ability to care for others increases and our feelings toward our parents change.
Ultimately, only you can decide how much responsibility you want to take on from your parents.
To do this, you must develop a higher level of strength and a bond with your inner child to determine what is right and loving for you.
--- p.302

People often stay in bad or abusive relationships because they are afraid of being alone.
Many people let go of their loved ones in an attempt to manipulate and hold on to them.
So, we need to think hard about how we can bring joy to our inner child when we are alone and put it into practice.
We must find out what our inner child wants, and our adult self must fulfill it through action.
The way we treat ourselves, others will treat us.
There are often people who complain that people around them do not treat them properly.
However, if we look at the relationship they have with their inner child, it is easy to see that the adult self does not treat the inner child properly.
However, if we look at the relationship they have with their inner child, it is easy to see that the adult self does not treat the inner child properly.
Many people also feel that others do not respect them and act rudely.
But if we look inside them, we can see that their adult selves have not set boundaries to protect their inner child.

--- p.428