“Every time you overcome a wound, you become a deeper, stronger person.”
44 Psychology Lessons for Adults Who Swallow Their Emotions

"To You, Who Always Tried to Do Well," which brought comfort and courage to many readers, has returned with more refined sentences and deeper psychological insight.
The revised and republished edition of "It's Not Sinking, It's Deepening" shows that the heavy feeling of sinking in the midst of relationships, work, and the struggle with oneself is actually a process of becoming firmly rooted in life.
Psychologist Shin Go-eun has been closely observing the worries that people repeatedly experience through her long-term lectures.
Based on that experience, I applied various psychological theories and research to everyday problems and solved them in 44 psychology lessons, which are included in this book.

Part 1 begins with the realization that “I know myself least,” and covers basic concepts for understanding myself, such as ego and self-discrepancy, the supposed self, and defense mechanisms.
Part 2 helps you understand the nature of relationships through personality types, attachment theory, etc., and Part 3 teaches you healthy relationship skills to protect yourself and others, such as self-esteem and child messages.
Part 4 introduces psychological tools that change your thinking patterns, such as social exchange theory, cognitive errors, and status quo bias. Part 5 teaches you how to choose a better version of yourself through self-regulation, attribution theory, and positive psychology.
The stories in the book do not remain abstract comfort or sentimentality.
With real-life examples and psychological evidence, it helps readers understand and manage their own minds right now.
This will allow readers to shift their focus from 'Why am I having such a hard time?' to 'How can I become stronger?'
This book is a warm and practical guide from a psychologist for all adults who want to learn how to stand firm in their own ways, even if they're not perfect and have wounds.
Rather than fearing the moment of sinking, it will serve as a strong guide for those who want to turn that time into a process of deepening that nurtures them.

The main role of depression is to make you lose your vitality.
Constantly ruminating on negative memories perpetuates that state.
Reflecting on my failures makes me conclude that I can't do it.
Depression also sends signals that push people away.
This is why we want to comfort sad people, but not stay with depressed people.
By removing the opportunity for social support in situations where comfort, empathy, and support are needed, the possibility of recovery is also reduced.
So, we must do our best to grieve without falling into depression.
Because sadness disappears into sadness, but depression stays in depression.
Let's be sad.
Let's find the strength to recover like that.
--- p.39

We are beings who cannot fully enjoy happiness.
Because I am anxious because I don't know when happiness will end.
But the moment happiness comes, you become happy.
Because I believe that happiness will come soon.
What if today, no matter what day it is, felt like Friday? That is, with the anticipation that something is about to happen.
You never know if it will actually happen or not, or if it will be brilliant or not.
But what can I do, I'm still waiting for the weekend, which may or may not be fun.
Doesn't being unhappy now mean there's only happiness ahead? If you're living an unhappy day, let's hope that tomorrow will be different.
Then, today, waiting for tomorrow, not tomorrow itself, will be happy.

--- p.79

Attachment begins at the very beginning of life and carries us to the very end.
So, on the one hand, it is a bitter theory.
It is said that my childhood experiences determine my future.
But the fact that a caregiver can create a future for a child also gives hope that another future can be created from a new caregiver.
The caregiver does not necessarily have to be a parent.
Because all relationships can be about supporting and growing each other.
Just as my past became my present, our present can create our future.
--- p.103~104

When you can't understand the difference in personality, think of personality as height.
Some people are born with genes that make them tall or short.
There may be preferences, but they cannot be forced.
It's like saying, 'Why can't you be taller than 170 centimeters? Try a little harder.'
It means that you can't try to be more extroverted, more sincere, or more open-minded.
Although the high and low levels of each personality dimension can vary, these differences cannot be the standard for right and wrong.
When someone's appearance is different from mine, just think simply.
Oh, that could be so, (not me, but you) that could be so! That's enough.
-- p.142

No one confides their unhappiness to a happy person.
Because showing flaws is like losing a game of chance.
At some point, that fact creates a fear that you might lose out in the competition.
So, you only maintain superficial relationships with perfect people.
But when I find out that the other person has a story, the secrets start to come out without me knowing.
His shortcomings and mine are balanced, and we become intimate, revealing our weaknesses without hesitation.

--- p.175

We envy the specialness of others and see them as beneficiaries, but our ordinariness also benefits someone else.
That's the benefit.
Ordinary life is not the default.
Every moment that feels ordinary is an additional option.
Because there are people who live relatively impoverished lives.
So we need the courage to share that option.
The beginning of that courage is the belief that the world is unfair and that I am enjoying more within that unfairness.
--- p.252

What kind of life are you living now? Is it worth living, or are you just holding on, unable to die?
When people are cornered, they choose one of two things.
Either hang on until you drop dead or find a new way.
It is better to take a new path than to fall and die.
But we lack the courage to change direction even by just one degree.
If you trust me then you will naturally know which direction to walk.
Just one step can change your mindset, and that mindset can become confidence, empowering you to take action.
That's how expectations become closer to reality.
To you who are wandering in the darkness right now, to you who don't know what will become of you, I want to tell you to have some faith.
Where darkness passes, light is sure to appear.
I hope you find hope by following that light.
If you keep completing the small tasks that are given to you like that, you will find yourself reaching that point before you know it.
really.

--- p.320