A child with high empathy knows that when someone says “No!”, it is a rejection of the situation, not a rejection of their own existence.
Even at school, when a friend teases you by saying, “Why can’t you draw so well?” you can look at yourself positively and say, “But I’m better at many things.”
Even if you're not good at many things, don't be discouraged.
Parents usually say, “Who said our daughter can’t do it?
If you give them a lot of support and comfort by saying, “You’re doing so well,” even if they feel cold, they will soon regain their warmth.
Why is that? Children form their own self-image by observing their parents' gazes and facial expressions.
When a child reaches out and says they are having a hard time, if you listen to them and hold their hand, saying, “I know it must have been hard, I’ll help you,” the child will be able to think positively about themselves and think, “I am a precious person.”

--- p.
18~19

In schools and businesses, the ability to empathize is also considered very important.
Global companies like Google, Apple, and Microsoft were founded by two or more people.
Even in schools, collaborative activities are increasing, with students forming groups to listen to each other's ideas and share opinions.
It's widely known that emotional intelligence, also known as EQ, is just as important as intellectual ability, and children who empathize with and care for their friends' feelings are highly sought after. An article interviewing 100 leaders and celebrities highlighted the fact that in the smart age, companies seek talent with empathy rather than qualifications.
When asked about the competencies that future talents should possess, they chose creativity, character, convergence and integration capabilities, collaboration capabilities, and communication capabilities. Companies that prioritize performance also saw empathy as important in addition to these capabilities.
In the smart era, companies value personality, collaboration, communication, and even creativity. As 'collective creativity', which gathers the brilliant ideas of many people, becomes more important, without empathy, you will not be able to shine.

--- p.
24~25

When parents are told to 'accept' their children's emotions, they often have these concerns:
“If you accept all of someone’s emotions, won’t you become self-centered?” Accepting emotions doesn’t mean you have to accept all of their wrongdoings.
Whether negative or positive, you should accept whatever emotions your child is feeling at the moment, but you should also set limits and say “no” to misbehavior.
When a child first encounters the warmth of empathy and understanding, their heart opens and they gradually accept the "limits" their parents talk about. When their heart is moved, they even seek solutions on their own.
There is a saying that a family is a microcosm of society.
Children who experience appropriate rejection and frustration through loving “no” from their parents can grow up to be stronger.

--- p.
51

Self-centeredness can be problematic if taken to excess, but it is also necessary.
If you don't have enough, you might take your friends' words and thoughts as your own standards, and if you only follow what your friends say, it will be difficult for your ego to take root properly.
It is also essential to take time to know what you want, not what others want, and use that as a driving force to achieve it in a healthy way.
The Cheyenne, an American Indian tribe, has a proverb:
“Don’t judge your neighbor until you’ve walked in his moccasins for two months.” In other words, put yourself in his shoes.
Until your child begins to see the world from a different perspective, think from the child's perspective.
After the age of four, children learn to give up their own satisfaction for the sake of those close to them and learn to wait and get along with others. However, even if they appear mature on the outside when compared to adults, they do not have much time or experience in life as elementary school students.
The range of empathy one can have for others based on one's own experiences is not wide.

--- p.
58

When you feel like you don't understand a child's feelings or situation, it's better to ask about what you don't know in order to empathize.
If you don't know the house number, ask and find out.
If you ask, “Are you angry?” just by looking at their expression, they might say, “Yes, I am angry,” but they might also say, “No.”
You might say something unexpected like, “I’m just so embarrassed.”
If you're not sure, it's better to ask an open question like, "How are you feeling right now?" rather than making a guess.
Listen to your child by asking, “What happened that made you feel embarrassed?” or “Can you tell me about a situation in which you felt embarrassed?”
If you listen to your child with the intention of thinking through everything he or she says, rather than interpreting the situation arbitrarily or making conclusions, your ability to see into the child's mind will grow, and the chances of the conversation going off on a wrong path will significantly decrease.

--- p.
72~73

'You must listen to adults at all times.
There are children who strongly believe that they must be good children.
If they are not what adults want them to be, they think they are a 'bad child', and they react more strongly to adults' criticisms such as "You don't listen to adults" or "What do you want to be when you grow up", and they strongly dislike hearing scolding such as "You are spoiled."
In the hope of being recognized by adults, they often try to do well in what they are told rather than being honest about what they want to do.
Have you ever heard of the "good kid complex"? It refers to the inability to honestly express one's feelings even as an adult, and the excessive effort to suppress one's desires and wishes in order to remain a good person.
If you are too oppressed by the thought of 'I am a good kid', even if you want something, you will say 'I am okay' or 'I don't need it'.
They hide or suppress their true feelings by saying, “You take it,” and act according to the thoughts and actions of others.
But don't we often use the word "good" to convey various parental wishes? Let's reflect on our speech habits.

--- p.
138

To avoid judging, you need to practice 'observing'.
A mother got angry when she saw her child fall asleep without doing his homework and criticized him, saying, "Why are you just sleeping instead of doing your homework? You're so lazy."
He even scared me by saying, “If you put off doing what you need to do, you will end up being a child who can’t do anything later.”
The child was angry and felt wronged.
But how would we feel if we heard something like this? If your goal is to get them to complete their homework, try asking them what they should do instead of evaluating or criticizing them.
It's about conveying your intentions specifically.
Even if you are angry because your child did not do their homework, first talk about the situation you 'observed', such as "You just woke up from sleep" as if you were looking through a camera.
And try to speak without judging, but in a way that reveals the intention behind what you want to say.
“What time should I finish my homework today?” “I want you to finish it by 8 o’clock.” Are we having a conversation or are we blaming each other?
--- p.
154

According to the 'negativity bias theory', humans tend to focus on negative emotions such as anger, sadness, and fear.
Negative memories and emotions are felt more intensely and last longer than positive ones.
For example, the joy we feel when we receive praise and recognition from someone is great, but when we are criticized or ignored, the joy is felt more intensely and lasts longer.
If you often recall memories of struggling with studying when you were young, those memories may linger for a long time and build a wall between you and studying later on.
Even as adults, there are cases where people remember solving difficult math problems late into the night in elementary school and say, “Just looking at numbers gives me a headache.”
But if you learn with enjoyment, the path can become clearer and deeper as the brain's neural connections become denser and stronger, just as water flows along its course and more water flows.
What you learn with enjoyment is remembered more accurately and your knowledge becomes richer.

--- p.
173

No matter how well a child studies, his or her grades can fluctuate at any time.
And even a child who is not showing his or her learning ability now can one day rise to great heights.
To properly develop self-efficacy in studying, you must also fill your child's mind with self-esteem.
Children with high self-esteem believe in their abilities, are resilient in specific situations and even when they make big mistakes or face adversity in life, and have the confidence that they can achieve anything if they work hard.
For example, if you're bad at math, you might say, "I'm good at Korean," and believe in your own strengths, so you're not swayed by other people's opinions.
Because I think of myself as a precious being, I know how to cherish myself, regardless of whether I am good at studying or not, even if I am lacking in the present.
When these children have the motivation to study, they don't get impatient or compare themselves to others who are better than them.
I have the confidence that I can do it once I find a way that works for me, so I can move forward at my own pace and plan.

--- p.
181~182

School violence, bullying… these things can lead to terrifying and heinous crimes.
It's truly heartbreaking to hear news these days about the rise in juvenile crime.
And I keep thinking that it is so important to teach children to empathize and understand others.
One such method is to understand the human mind and reflect on one's own through books. Because younger students' reading comprehension skills aren't high, reading books that stimulate their emotions and intellectual curiosity, rather than books with difficult and heavy content, can help them maintain their interest in books and maintain their reading habits.
Just as liking something you're interested in makes you want to know more about it, if you develop a love for books, you can become truly interested in the "stories of the people" in them.
Especially during elementary school, when social skills develop rapidly, the desire to connect with others also increases. At this time, help foster curiosity and interest in people through books.
Make time to read and discuss books about friendship or adventure to help you build good relationships with your friends.
You can look into school life as well as relationships with friends.

--- p.
209~210

“If you want to raise a child who loves books, parents should first show them reading.” This is what experts often say.
It may sound vague and feel like a burden that needs to be read over and over again.
How about interpreting this in this way? “If you want to raise a child who loves books, parents must first show interest in books.” In 2017, a research team from the Department of Early Childhood Education at Harvard University in the United States announced in a study conducted on 6-year-old children that “children who had an image of a mother who loved books in their heads did not have any aversion to books.”
We often think that studying requires sitting at a desk with a book open, but children grow up imitating their parents.
This means that parents who take an interest in books and read them can instill a positive image of books in their children.
There are cases where parents' interests were connected through books.
Warren Buffett, an investment genius and philanthropist, is said to have developed an interest in and a sense for money after reading "Investment Valuation Report" in his father's study as a child.
--- p.
221

When reading a book, I find myself empathizing more with the main character's words and actions when he or she is in a similar situation to me.
On days when you're upset after fighting with a friend, reading a book about a child making up with a friend can help you listen more attentively and empathize.
If you want to broaden your child's interest in reading, start by pressing their "interest switch."
If your child is obsessed with one topic, try gradually expanding their reading range from books on the same topic to books with similar themes, similar settings, or stories with similar characters.
If your child is only into mystery novels and you want to broaden their interest to other books, first find a book that will pique their interest or curiosity and show it to them.
For example, if a science book has a "detective" on the cover, which children are usually interested in, it will catch their attention and they will open the science book.


Emotions like curiosity, joy, and pleasure fuel our passion to explore the outside world.
Let your child see where his or her eyes sparkle and discover them in other books.
--- p.
224

Children's ears are very sharp.
When Mom and Dad are talking, there are many times when I prick up my ears even if it seems like they aren't listening.
“My daughter is so short, she’s in big trouble.” “What should I do, she has no sense of numbers?” When a child feels like they are being talked about, they will focus more on the conversation.
But when our worries are excessive, how do our facial expressions and gazes reflect on our children? Children, not knowing their place in the world or their abilities, often rely on what others say to self-evaluate them. Consequently, they may not simply ignore their parents' sighs or concerns.
Mom said, “My child is so timid.
Other kids are going up to the front to give presentations, but he's the only one sitting there.
If you sigh deeply and say, "I don't know why he's like that," how will the child view themselves upon hearing that? They might think, "I'm a timid kid," or "I'm the only weird kid."
What is our worry index?
--- p.
233

Living each day with a child is a joy, but my body feels heavy and there are so many things to worry about. It's no exaggeration to say that being a mother is the hardest job in the world.
As a result, the world remains the same, but there are many times when the world looks different depending on my state of mind.
When I'm going through a difficult time and riding an emotional roller coaster several times a day, the emotions I pour out to my children are often at risk.
But remember this:
All emotions are natural.
There's a reason why you feel certain emotions.
Even if you feel bad about it, don't blame yourself by saying, "I shouldn't be feeling this way as a mother."
When we look into what those emotions are telling us, it becomes much easier to understand ourselves and release those built-up emotions.
Being angry isn't always a bad thing.
If we look into what they want to say to us, we can find ways to shift our emotions into positive ones.
However, anger is a negative emotion, so if you try to suppress it unconditionally, it can become hot like a pressure cooker and explode with a 'pop'.

--- p.
238~239

Loving and empathizing with yourself as you are now is ‘self-empathy.’
People with high self-empathy focus on making plans to do better in the future rather than regretting the past, feel satisfied with what they are doing now, and believe in their abilities and actively practice them.
So, people who are good at self-empathy also have high 'resilience' to overcome difficulties.
Being good at self-empathy also means ‘cherishing myself and treating myself with care.’
So, even if you make a mistake or are clumsy, don't judge yourself too harshly and be kind to yourself.
“It’s not just me who can’t do it.
“I tried hard enough” “You can do better next time” is what I mean.
Knowing how to love and cherish yourself as a human being, beyond your parents, is very important for self-empathy.
“I’m fine the way I am right now,” “I can make mistakes and be clumsy because I’m a new mom,” “I’m not good at cooking, but I’m good at having fun with my child,” and give yourself some self-praise.
Only by learning to value my existence, my emotions, and everything I touch, not just as a parent but as a human being, can I cherish and love myself for who I am.

--- p.
249