『A Day That Never Ends』 『Miss the Boat and Get Off the Train』 by Lee Hwa-yeol
A very special story about similarity and difference, independence and dependence.

“Others are not salvation, but only comfort,
“There is only one place in the world where you can entrust yourself”

Essayist Lee Hwa-yeol, who captures everyday life with her unique, delicate gaze and calm yet witty writing style, and who received praise from critic Shin Hyeong-cheol as “a truly masterful piece of writing, with the conventions of Korean essays completely eliminated,” and who gave comfort and courage to countless readers with “A Day That Never Ends,” has returned with her sixth essay, “Getting a Study Divorced.”

Anne Fediman, author of "Marrying Your Study," has previously said that she truly completed her marriage by combining her husband and his study.
Her husband also said, “To my beloved wife.
This is your book too.
He dedicated a heart-rending confession of love, saying, “My life is yours too.”
On the other hand, writer Lee Hwa-yeol, sharing a study with her husband after 25 years of marriage, realizes that she had overlooked the reality of 'difference' because of her desire for 'similarity'.
And in this book, "Getting a Study Divorce," he talks about an independent life attitude that lives with others but ultimately does not lose one's self.


“If you don’t know how to properly own yourself, it is impossible to find happiness through others.
Independence in marriage means not giving up control of your life while knowing that you are connected to the other person, and not letting others determine your desires and happiness.” _ From the “Opening Remarks”

An independent lifestyle isn't just for those struggling in marriage with a spouse who is a permanent stranger with different temperaments and tastes.
As children grow and become independent, it is essential for parents to develop warm attachment habits and grow together by cutting the emotional umbilical cord.
Furthermore, it is a virtue that is necessary for all of us to live strong, intelligent, and happy lives.
The author talks about a life where she discovers herself completely and fills herself with 'herself' instead of others through the warm and small moments of each day with her spouse Olbi, her children Danbi and Hyeonbi, her parents, and the people she encounters every day.

I recommend this book, "Getting Yourself Divorced," to people who want to have healthy relationships with their spouses, parents, and children, people who are struggling and exhausted because of their relationships, and people who feel like they are missing "themselves" in their lives.
You can learn to live with loved ones without losing your self and without being dependent.

Nietzsche says that because we do not understand ourselves, we misunderstand ourselves and cannot help but be strangers to ourselves.
Menopause, which begins with insomnia, is a time to find one's own identity while considering not only hormonal changes but also life values, tastes and desires, marriage and relationships.
As you open your eyes to yourself, you gain a new perspective on others.
--- p.17

We agree to divorce Seo Jae after 25 years of marriage.
The books in the study are divided into individual spaces, and I try to watch indifferently as the two thousand or so Olby books are taken to the free collection and the basement storage.
As we divided the bookshelf, we counted the books we had in common, and surprisingly, there were no more than twenty.
His bookshelf is mainly filled with futuristic and fantasy literature, while mine is mainly filled with classics and philosophy.
J., which he owns in four versions.
RR
I read Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings once and gave it to someone else, and he admires Montaigne's Essays, which I keep by my bedside, but he has no curiosity about it whatsoever.
Perhaps the study not only knows our individual tastes and mental worlds, but also what we will seek in the future.
In that it reflects oneself like a mirror, a study is similar to marriage.
--- p.18

The reason people have a hard time loving themselves is because they don't properly understand their own desires.
Being there for each other also means respecting each other's desires.
--- p.52

If there's one thing to learn from a breakup that ends in disaster, it's to gain confidence in yourself.
We have no control over the actions of others, but we can at least take control and focus on our own lives.
As Nietzsche said, a person who is not satisfied with himself is constantly ready for revenge.
But the best revenge is to be completely free from your opponent.
--- p.66

Understanding other people's tastes is ultimately impossible unless you are born as another person.
But the most troublesome of other people's tastes is not your sister-in-law or your friend's, but your spouse's.
Romantic feelings are a strong desire for a plural being to become singular, so they identify with the other person's tastes.
Because we see what we want to see and interpret things as we want, we make the strong mistake of thinking that we have similar tastes.
Marriage is a harsh awakening to such illusions.
--- p.70~71

I remember an interview with actress Carole Bouquet.
When I arrived at the airport returning to Paris after helping my son settle in Barcelona after finishing his baccalaureate, I was so shocked that I ate twenty-two ice creams.
I've read stories of people raising their children while reminding them of the "taste of independence" and helping them leave, only to find that when that moment actually came, they were incredibly violent. I've imagined what that must feel like.
--- p.140

There are things you have to live to know.
It's not just children who grow and become independent.
We are no longer the same beings.
My soul, nourished by love, also becomes independent.
It was a happy and fair transaction, where we gave what we could and received what we could.
It will not keep me in the habit of attachment.
--- p.168~169

The ultimate measure of life is not great wealth or the success of one's children.
It is just a habit and attitude of the mind as we spend each day.
--- p.226

True independence means not letting others determine your desires and happiness.
In a rehabilitation hospital where her husband has passed away and even flying is now permanently impossible, she revisits the dreams that have turned into regrets.
But old age makes even regrets fade.
--- p.229

You have to face the pain head on and look inside yourself.
If you experience despair with your whole self, you can find your own meaning even in death.
Ultimately, it's about finding yourself.

--- p.240