4·3, 5·18, 4·16, 12·3… After those days when someone's life was shattered,
How much better would we have become?
How else can we improve?

A book that offers deep reflection on why 'democracy that recovers together' is important.
Woo Won-sik | Speaker of the National Assembly

In November 2025, thirteen women wearing red floral scarves appeared in a row at the Seoul Central District Court.
These members of the May 18th sexual violence victim support group, “Yeolmae,” filed a lawsuit for damages for the first time in 45 years for “sexual violence by martial law troops.”
As related articles were published, voices of support for the courageous action followed.
But the cold stare that always follows victims of state violence and social disasters when they speak out still exists.
‘How can you prove that it’s real?’ ‘Stop it, it’s driving me crazy.’ ‘How much benefit are you trying to get from this?’ etc.
This book is a heartbreaking rebuttal to that old, cold gaze, and a challenging proposition.
Chan-Young Jeong, the author of this book and an advisor to 'Yeolmae', has long been healing victims of the May 18th Democratization Movement, as well as those suffering from social trauma, including the Sewol Ferry Disaster and the Jeju Air passenger plane crash.
In the process, we were able to deeply research the reasons why their nightmares do not end even after a long time and find solutions.

In his book, he presents specific examples of how various traumatic emotions, such as traumatic grief, toxic shame, survivor's guilt, and moral damage, actually manifest and how to recover from them, along with interviews with victims.
Furthermore, we examine the reasons why these perpetrators continue to recur, from a psychiatric perspective, and examine the mechanisms by which politicians, religious figures, and their followers become entangled, as well as structural solutions to prevent this.
Above all, it provides comprehensive insights never before offered in any other book on how to prevent such a tragedy from ever happening again in our society.
As hatred toward outgroups deepens and the number of people who re-victimize victims of social trauma increases, the solutions he proposes—"de-extremism centers" and "civic emotional education"—are particularly noteworthy.

Those I met while providing testimony healing were great beings who never lost their good fight even in the face of heartbreaking grief from loss and soul-shattering trauma.
Their stories contained as many good stories as there were stars in the night sky.
They repeatedly demonstrated a selflessness that seemed to turn on in the face of immense violence, a transcendence that willingly laid themselves bare and dedicated themselves to the turbulent waves of history, the guilt and responsibility of the living, and the collective memory that interacts with them.
I believe this has become a social resource that protects our democracy and a root of our collective identity.

--- From the "Prologue"

Even after the child was killed, the perpetrator remained in power for a long time.
Surveillance and discrimination against the bereaved families continued, and the stigma attached to the deceased young children as "rioters" and "communists" persisted for decades.
Their emotions were limited, and they had difficulty finding meaning in areas of life other than struggle and parenting.
As parents, what must have been going through their minds? As I held my breath and pondered the immense and intense abyss of their grief, I often felt dizzy or dazed.

--- From "Chapter 1: The Unbearable Sorrow of the Surviving"

Even though many years had passed, Kim Gyeong-cheol's mother, Lim Geum-dan, sobbed with a trembling voice.
He believed that he had given his son an overdose of mycin when he was young, causing his son's hearing loss, and that the martial law soldiers, unable to hear, had beaten him more, leading to his death.
Mr. Im was tormented by that guilt his entire life.
Among the many complex factors that caused the incident, I focused only on the ones related to myself, blamed myself, and suffered.
Why do these psychological mechanisms occur?
Rather than imagining deaths caused by the martial law army's murderous violence and facing the resulting grief head-on, it is less painful to blame oneself by simulating the possibilities that could have unfolded differently.
It may be better to think that something could have been prevented if you had acted differently than to feel powerless over a terrible death.
This kind of psychology also contains the wish to turn back the events and bring the deceased back to life.
This deep, long-lasting survivor's guilt is often overlooked as part of PTSD and is not easily alleviated.

--- From "Chapter 2_Living with the Guilt of the Living"

When you listen to their early life stories, you can easily encounter the adversities of growing up such as neglect, abuse, sexual violence, poverty, dropping out of school, absent parents, and lack of social support.
At least among the women I've met who were ex-prostitutes, none of them wanted to go back to prostitution, even though they could have been properly loved and educated.
Yet, the sex trafficking business owners and brokers who lure and exploit adolescents or those just past adolescence into prostitution, the perpetrators who commit sexual assault, violence, or confinement in the process, the sex buyers, and the parents who are responsible for the adversity of their growing up years do not experience the same shame as women who exit prostitution.
Why doesn't shame take its fair share of responsibility? When treating survivors of trauma from various forms of violence or sexual violence, I've focused on this unequal burden, calling it "the inequity of shame."
Few people have ever attempted to fathom or empathize with the shame experienced by women who have entered the sex trade.
The shame of Kyung-hwa's parents, hidden behind the words "Go die," was probably closer to the shame of worrying about their own reputation than the shame that made them reflect on themselves as parents.

--- From "Chapter 3_Can We Escape Toxic Shame?"

The survivors and bereaved families of May 18 had to re-experience the trauma of the December 3 martial law.
When I called Kim Gil-ja, the mother of the late Moon Jae-hak, after martial law was declared, he said this.
“The comfort that writer Han Kang received from winning the Nobel Prize in Literature did not last long.
The president suddenly appeared on TV and announced that he was declaring martial law.
It was a bolt from the blue.
How could democracy be created through the sacrifice of a son?
I was so angry that my hands were shaking.
I almost hit the television with my cane several times without realizing it, as it showed the president and martial law troops.
My heart pounded as I watched armored vehicles roll out onto the road and soldiers disembark from helicopters and enter the National Assembly building.
It felt like May 18th had happened again.
When I think of martial law, I think of that morning (May 27th).
Oh my! I remember them killing everyone in front of the city hall and then singing a military song while banging their boots to declare their victory.”
--- From “Chapter 4: The Moral Damage of the Martial Law Army and the Disorder of Civilian Resentment”

In any organization, it's easy to find ties between narcissistic leaders and core followers.
Narcissists manipulate their helpers through special displays of affection or praise, inducing anger, shame or guilt, abuse, and gaslighting.
The helper, by being in the narcissist's inner circle, temporarily experiences the narcissist's cherishing, especially in the early stages of a relationship, when the narcissist may shower them with romantic love like a bomb.
Additionally, by surrounding themselves with a narcissist who appears to be attractive or successful, helpers feel like they are more successful and important than they actually are.
As a result, helpers serve as the narcissist's security guards, attack dogs, training agents, cheerleaders, and cleaners.
If the narcissist is addicted to the approval of others, then the helper is an addict who is also addicted to the narcissist.

--- From "Chapter 7_Political Narcissists and Spiritual Narcissists"

During the interview, there was one thing he remembered.
I remember receiving the car keys from the martial law forces when I was sexually assaulted and quickly putting them under the seat so they wouldn't find them.
It was further evidence that he was an active survivor, along with his actions of actively begging to be spared, saying that he was the mother of his children.
His actions spoke volumes about his life and identity.
We have repeatedly dwelled on its meaning.
Those who are unable to cope with traumatic situations have greater difficulty recovering from the trauma.
Fortunately, Minhee kept the two things that were most important to her.
And in the end, he raised his children well.
I have repeatedly expressed my gratitude and respect for that point.
Who can deny it?

--- From "Chapter 8_Islands with a lot of sexual violence by martial law troops"

The negative effects of trauma can also have a ripple effect, spreading throughout society.
In other words, healing trauma can also have a positive chain reaction in society.
When someone shares their experience of being healed, it can spread hope and resilience back to their family and community.
This can only truly happen when combined with group therapy, victim community activities, group testimony therapy or social memory activities, and civil society solidarity.

--- From “Chapter 10: Pain is overcome when meaning is found”