In traditional Western cultures, people established their self-identity through relationships.
The place given to me within my family, within my community, and further within God's universe, defined who I was.
Only by fulfilling one's duty in such a relationship can one become a valuable human being.
But modern people have turned their direction inward.
What other people say or think about me should not define who I am.
To become a valuable human being, you must discover and express your deepest desires and emotions.
I must first define who I am before I can enter into a relationship, but only if the other person accepts me as I am.
Our culture instills this modern perspective of identity within us in countless ways.
… (omitted) … The modern self established in this way has had a considerable influence on marriage.
Now, we don't even think about marriage until we have established our own unique self-identity.
I don't want to listen to anyone until I've decided for myself who I am.
Moreover, they only want to form temporary relationships that are beneficial to them and do not want any relationships that have a permanent binding effect.
If we set the standard for escaping permanence like this, marriage, and especially child rearing, becomes a chore.
--- pp.17-18

If we give each other only our bodies without giving our whole lives to each other, this is an act that fails to recognize the integrity of the self.
You cannot separate the body from a single, unique entity.
Sexual relations between a man and a woman should truly be an act of giving and receiving each other's lives.
If you give your body to someone who will leave later on their own, your humanity will be destroyed.
Because that person doesn't love you.
When it comes to consensus, the Christian perspective is the deepest and broadest.
When Christians say that sex is only permitted between married couples, they mean that sexual activity must be followed by complete consent.
--- pp.29-30

In the past, it was not uncommon for your family and friends to not know who you were dating.
So you could naturally get feedback about your partner from many people who knew both of you.
But today, we are mobile beings who move around from place to place, dependent on our mobile phones.
We meet countless people every day, but they don't really know us.
Conversely, many of those who have known us the longest are far away and can only “see” us as we are filtered online.
As a result, the older our acquaintances are, the less likely they are to know our recent status.
As a result, we are increasingly forced to make many decisions in isolation, including those related to relationships and marriage.
However, marriage is a very important choice, so it is important to listen to the advice of married people who have gained wisdom through experience.
Ask for advice from married people around you and put their wisdom to good use.
--- pp.36-37

As we grow up, we observe from our parents and other adults what roles men and women, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers play.
So, unconsciously, you can't help but bring that kind of archetype into your married life.
“That’s how a husband treats his wife.
This is how our family spends the holidays.
“Vacation is always going to the beach.”
Such decisions have big and small effects on married life.
Therefore, it is best for couples to consciously look back on it and decide what to do in their new home.
--- pp.42

We can be like that too.
We may expect from our spouses things that only God can give us, and we may seek self-esteem and a sense of self-worth from the love, respect, and acceptance that our spouses give us.
They look to their spouse for salvation.
It's like going back to the covenant of works.
The reason it's so easy to do that is because marriage is that great.
Because it is so great, it can easily be disguised as the best thing in life.
According to Newton, the result was much fear, humiliation, and heartbreak.
Why is this? Because it places an unbearable burden on your spouse to always be healthy, happy, joyful, and accepting of you.
No one can live up to such high expectations.
If your spouse utters even one word of criticism, you could crumble.
It is equally devastating when problems arise between couples.
If there is even the slightest difference between the two of you, your life can fall apart from that moment on.
Then, when your spouse dies, how can the “god” lying in the coffin comfort you with love?
--- pp.55-56

The market logic of investing, buying, and selling to make a profit has permeated every area of ​​our lives, including marriage.
So we look for a partner who will meet our needs, who is not difficult to deal with, who will not try to change us, and who is a perfect match for us in every way.
If our spouse is our “opposite” and says things about us that we don’t want to hear, this is what happens when we say them back.
“Marriage should be happy, but this isn’t it.
“Why do we always bump into each other like this?”
The answer is because you are being helped.
Only by enduring this discomfort to the end can you become the being God wants you to be.
--- pp.66

What do all these biblical passages mean when they say Jesus is our husband and bridegroom? At least this is what they mean.
The bed between a married couple is a preview of the joys of love that will be enjoyed in the perfect world to come.
When we see Him face to face in heaven, we will be united in love with Him and with all others who love Him.
Even the most ecstatic sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is but a shadow compared to the full joy, the surging gladness, and the boundless security that will be experienced on that great day.
--- pp.84-85

Sexual union should be a confession: “I am yours alone, forever and ever.”
Then, sexual intercourse becomes an act of deep union rather than a means of obtaining pleasure from the other person.
Through sexual intercourse, two human beings are united into a single community, and your heart is shaped to love sacrificially as Jesus loves us.
Only in marriage can sexual intercourse reach its full potential and bring pleasure and satisfaction.
In short, it seems to point to something beyond itself, like a saintly marriage.
If we do not look forward to it and long for the day to come, sex and marriage will always bring us bitter disappointment.
--- pp.88

Let us return to the question posed by the Sadducees.
At the resurrection, which of the seven brothers will the woman marry? The answer is that she will become the wife of all of them and many more.
If you have remarried and lived happily ever after after your spouse's death, this answer will be welcome.
The answer is that at that time everyone lived in the most intimate loving relationship with everyone else.
Because the perfect love of Christ flows into us and out of us like a spring and a river.

--- pp.100-101