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Acknowledgements

A memoir about the body by Roxane Gay, author of "Bad Feminist"
A traumatic event at age twelve, before and after.
From Self-Loathing to Self-Respect: A Journey of Struggle and Healing

"Hunger" is Roxane Gay's memoir about her "body."
He confesses that this book was “the most difficult writing of my life,” as it revealed in detail his true self, filled with “countless stories,” “mental burdens,” and “shameful secrets” that he had endured as a morbidly obese person.
On the gay side, there's the man who grew up in a loving, middle-class Haitian-American family, got into a prestigious university with excellent grades, became a successful writer with sharp writing skills, and is a proud feminist.
On the other hand, there is him, the “victim” of sexual violence, who lives with a “body out of control” and feels ashamed.
When she was twelve, Gay was sexually assaulted by a male classmate she liked and his friends.
After that incident, Gaye inflated his body by “eating and eating and eating” to relieve the indescribable pain and hunger, and to make sure that no one could desire him or invade him easily.

“A big hole has formed inside me.
I decided to fill that void and used food to create a shield around what little was left of me.
I ate and ate and ate to make myself bigger and to make my body safe.
(…) I was trapped in a prison called my body, which I had created but which even I could no longer recognize or understand.
It was a disaster, but it was safe.
“At least I could consider myself safe.” (p. 34)

“I decided to make my body what it needed to be.
“I will make it a safe harbor, not a small, weak ship that betrays me.” (p. 85)

Her parents tried to control her body and eating habits without even knowing it, and Gay spent her teenage years pretending to be a good daughter as if nothing had happened.
But when he entered college and was finally free from the protection of his family, he voluntarily "disappeared," wandering and destroying himself in a place where no one knew him.
He confesses that even after 30 years, he still cannot let go of the teenage girl he once was.
For him, the body was a “prison” that “I had created, but which even I could no longer recognize or understand.”
In the prison of his body, he kept asking himself whether the incident, his way of dealing with it, his silence, his gluttony, and his wandering were all his fault.


What he hoped to achieve by revealing a secret he had kept hidden for decades was to set free himself and countless other women struggling with similar issues.
By revealing the countless pages of his pain-stained life, Gay hoped that those with even a passing resemblance to him could find courage and be liberated from their oppression.
In this book, which traces the struggle and healing journey from self-loathing to self-respect, Gay shows that he and his writing were able to emerge not "in spite of" being a victim of sexual assault or having a fat body, but precisely because of those events and his way of being.
This makes us fully aware of the meaning of sharing the history of violence.

Against prejudice and attacks against women's bodies
The work of revealing existence, desire, and language

This book is both a memoir and a vivid cultural critique.
He sharply criticizes the blatant discrimination against fat people in American society, which is “so eager to dissect, define, and denigrate our bodies so mercilessly and publicly.”
People make wild assumptions about obese people and seem completely uninterested in the truth about their bodies.
They even declare obesity an epidemic and loudly proclaim that it is harmful to individuals and society.
Amidst this frenzy and panic, popular culture goes even further, stoking fears about obesity.
Obese people on weight loss programs must endure humiliation and criticism from "experts."
By only showing the unfortunate parts of obese people's lives, they portray their lives as evil and thinness as salvation.


Gay's sharp criticism is naturally interspersed with personal reflections.
She is honest about the complexities of her emotions and the impact her body has had on her relationships with family, lovers, and friends.
In his actions, such as trying to make himself smaller in public, not wearing bright colors, and refusing affectionate physical contact, he “denies himself almost everything he desires,” society’s desire for a slim and healthy body and the individual’s desire to be free as he is are intricately intertwined.

"Hunger" is not a triumphant story of weight loss.
It doesn't even offer a psychological solution to accept yourself as you are.
Gay's writing, which asks about his place and rights while pondering "how to protect myself from the cruelty of this world," clearly shows what true 'victory' means.
This is why Jeong Hee-jin recommended it, saying, “This is what courage, life, feminism, and the model of writing are.”

“No matter what you say or do, your body is the only thing that is ever subject to public discourse, whether to family, friends, or even strangers.
(…) they forget that you are human too.
“You are your body and nothing more, and your body must become smaller, not to mention smaller.” (p. 151)

Recommended by Choi Jin-young, Kim Ha-na, and Jeong Hee-jin!
A story that gives true strength and courage

“It’s not a book that says ‘it’s okay,’ but after reading it, you end up thinking, ‘it’s okay.’” Novelist Choi Jin-young said this while recommending ‘Hunger.’
The unconditional self-affirmation narrative that is sweetly whispered in many self-help discourses often encourages fragile self-esteem like a sandcastle, driving an individual into a vicious cycle.
Roxane Gay speaks out against a world that makes assumptions and judgements about other people's lives.
That I can love myself even if I hate my body, hate my weakness, hate the feelings my body makes me feel, and hate the way other people look at me.
That you can affirm your sense of humor, your kindness, your way of living, your way of seeing the world.
This book, which honestly unfolds the history of wounds and pain, love and freedom, experiences and memories in a surprising way, will give those who feel an unexplained hunger the strength to form a "self-esteem that is right for them" and the courage to accept themselves.


“I opened my heart here, and here is the mark it left.
Here I unfold the truth of my intense hunger.
(…) right here.
“See what I hungered for, and what my truth has caused me to create.” (p. 364)