How can emotions like anger, guilt, and shame become the keys to your inner self and your dreams?
According to the authors, becoming aware of these feelings can help us better fulfill our needs for respect, acceptance, belonging, and freedom.
Shame, guilt, and anger play a crucial role in interpersonal relationships and are important keys to understanding our inner selves.
Therefore, we need to become familiar with these emotions that are perceived as negative and gain new insights.

I began to pay attention to anger, guilt, and shame when I discovered why dealing with these emotions is often so difficult.
What makes these emotions difficult to deal with is that they are associated with certain mindsets.
This way of thinking is a component of much modern culture, and can be seen as a 'culture within a culture'.
Behind this mindset are our feelings and desires.
Because we focus more on who is right and who is wrong than on what we want, we often forget our own feelings and needs.
As we become more aware of what we want, we can discover new ways of thinking and relating.

--- p.14

We've been taught that feeling anger, shame, and guilt is wrong, and this in part contributes to maintaining the system of domination.
People who are taught to focus on what is wrong with them are prone to repression.
The language we learn easily turns us into obedient slaves.
To change that, we need to learn the language that empowers us to live the life we ​​dream of.

--- p.44

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has been incredibly helpful as I've explored anger, guilt, and shame. NVC is a combination of communication, mindset, and a way of using our power.
The goal of nonviolent communication is to create high-quality connections between people.
When quality bonds are formed between people, the tendency to be willing to listen to everyone's needs and try to satisfy all of them is activated.

--- p.52

When dealing with guilt, shame, and anger, it is helpful to distinguish between needs and the means we use to satisfy them.
One way to distinguish between the two is to realize that a particular person doesn't have to do a particular action at a particular time.
(…) When we can distinguish between needs and means, we can deal with guilt and shame more effectively.

--- p.73

There are ways to show that you understand how someone feels without having to agree or feel sorry for them.
You can focus on being with the other person's feelings without thinking about whether it is good or bad.
Empathy happens when we stop focusing on judging a person or their actions and instead truly listen with an open heart to what that person is feeling and what they need.
At this time, we focus not on what we think the other person is like or what they should do, but on what is happening inside them right now.

--- p.83

Empathy melts away the barriers that keep us from connecting with our deeper selves.
Empathy and shame can be seen as polar opposites: empathy opens our hearts, while shame closes them.
Dealing with shame with empathy requires allowing vulnerability.
Empathy arises when you have the courage to reveal your shame and trust that you will be accepted and heard.
A characteristic of people who quickly overcome shame is their great ability to empathize with both themselves and others.

--- p.87

When we feel guilty and someone treats us with compassion, it can help us free ourselves from the internal struggle of whether to do this or that.
Because we can much better approach mourning the unmet needs that were caused by things we did or did not do.
Guilt can be an unconscious habit of constantly forcing yourself to do things you think you 'should' do.
Empathy helps us stop this torture and find more constructive ways to deal with the situation.

--- p.89