Praise poured in for this book
Entering

Part 1: How long should we live comparing ourselves to others?

Chapter 1: Why You Can't Be Happy No Matter How Hard You Try
The day when you're satisfied with who you are now will never come. │ The true source of fear and anger. │ Everyone's self-esteem standards are different. │ Is a positive self-image essential for happiness? │ "Despair is the fertilizer of enlightenment."

Chapter 2: Two Conflicting Instincts Within Us
Competition is animal nature │ The altruistic instinct that has allowed us to survive │ The wolf I feed wins

Part 2: How to Trust in Yourself and Move Forward

Chapter 3: The True Freedom That Mindfulness Brings
Treat your mind like a puppy │ Focus on the present experience │ Mindfulness also requires practice

Chapter 4: Let's Break Free from the Illusion of "I"
There is no such thing as a 'self' │ Embrace the shadow within you │ We see the world as we think │ How to face burdensome emotions │ Get out of the well and experience a wider world

Part 3: Checking Your Habit of Criticizing Yourself

Chapter 5: How Much Success Do You Need to Be Satisfied?
Why Achievement Doesn't Last | How to Find Meaningful Goals | The Illusion of Being Better Than Average | We Don't Need to Be Special

Chapter 6: How to Let Go of the Pressure to Prove Yourself
Too much self-esteem is worse than too little │ The lies we post on social media │ Focus on self-control rather than self-esteem │ Find peace in the ordinary

Chapter 7: Don't Obsess Over Appearance
Why We're Obsessed with Unnecessary Boasting │ Be Honest About Your Inferiority │ Avoid the Trap of the Latest Trends │ There's Dignity in Small Things │ How to Free Yourself from the Competitive Instinct

Chapter 8: Why We Can't Quit Social Media
The Neurobiological Mechanism of Addiction │ The Secret of People Who Are Likeable Even If They Are Not Better Than Others │ Recognize Your Addictive Behavior │ Avoid Triggers │ Addiction Comes When You Ignore Pain │ The Secret to Sustainable Pleasure

Part 4: Breaking Free from Anger and Anxiety and Finding Happiness Near You

Chapter 9: Salvation in Deep Relationships
The relationship between love and self-esteem │ Self-centered love has its limits │ Be honest and respectful of others │ Competitiveness leads to deprivation │ Take off the colored glasses of anger and see things as they are │ Let go of pride and become a team player │ Break free from inferiority complex and explore the shadows within yourself │ Finding common ground creates a sense of connection

Chapter 10: The Power of Compassion to Set Us Free
The Origin of the Instinct to Care for Others │ The Power of Loving-Kindness Meditation to Cultivate Compassion │ “If I were that person, would I have acted differently?” │ I Must Embrace Myself First │ Only by Accepting Myself Can I Get Along Well with Others

Chapter 11: Only by fully experiencing pain can one heal.
To manage your emotions, first name them │ Why do we feel shame │ A society that encourages shame │ Separating guilt and shame │ Talk to the voice inside me that criticizes me │ Look at myself with the eyes of a loving adult

Chapter 12: Separating Myself from My Actions
Why We Criticize Ourselves Harshly │ “It’s Not That You’re Bad, It’s That Your Behavior Is Inappropriate” │ Trying to Be Incorrectly Perfect │ There Is No Such Thing as a “True Self” │ Where Is the Boundary Between Me and the World?

Chapter 13: Ordinariness is the Most Precious Thing
The Curse of Specialness │ How to Be Kind to Yourself │ Facing Aging and Death │ Embracing Meaninglessness Brings Happiness

Chapter 14: The Path to Happiness Beyond Me
We are all connected │ “Be selfish.
Love one another.” │ The best medicine in times of pain is gratitude │ The courage to risk being hurt again │ Failure is an opportunity for growth

Acknowledgements
References

Highly recommended by world-renowned mindfulness authorities Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield!
A book for those of you who are berating yourself for your emotional ups and downs today.

The number of "young people who have taken a break from work" who have not been able to find the job they want has reached 800,000, and the number of people in their 20s and 30s who are looking for a job after graduating from a four-year university is at an all-time high.
Although there is a lot of criticism that they are just playing around because their standards are high, they will not be as anxious and nervous as the person who is unable to work.
The fact that people in their 20s and 30s account for the largest proportion of all depression patients proves this fact.
No matter what I do, nothing works, I feel frustrated because I always see my shortcomings, I suffer from emotions that jump around twelve times a day, and I get endlessly angry at the society that doesn't work properly.
This existential crisis is not just a problem for the 2030s.
Regardless of age, the feeling that we are not contributing or that we are not important negatively impacts our self-esteem and well-being.


The author of this book, Ronald Segal, finds the cause of the anxiety, nervousness, depression, and anger experienced by modern people not in a simple problem of emotional control, but in a lack of self-esteem.
The cause is that you are ashamed of yourself and cannot accept yourself as you are.
The author, who has lectured in the psychology department at Harvard Medical School for over 40 years and has made significant contributions to applying mindfulness to psychotherapy, presents specific and clear solutions instead of providing vague instructions like other mindfulness guides.
It contains methods you can immediately put into practice as you read, such as examining your conspicuous spending habits, finding stability in your romantic relationships, and easing jealousy and anxiety around competitors.
If you're struggling with how to deal with the unexplainable emotions that come up in everyday life, this book will be the solution.

No more comparing, evaluating, or proving yourself!
We need the courage to be imperfect.

Although we know that self-esteem is important, few people truly understand what self-esteem is.
It's just a vague feeling of 'I feel the most precious'.
However, the author criticizes that idea as 'false self-esteem'.
In fact, because of these misconceptions, countless modern people suffer from a sense of deprivation and depression, thinking that they are not the best, as they peek into the daily lives of people who are better than them through social media and other means.
He emphasizes that 'true self-esteem' is not about thinking that you are better or special than others, but rather accepting yourself as you are now.

This book presents mindfulness as a solution to self-acceptance.
While most mindfulness meditation methods tend to be religious or Buddhist, Dr. Segal's long-term clinical and research experience in psychotherapy and workshops gives him a more practical perspective than most.
For those who ruminate on minor mistakes and evaluate themselves, she recommends intentionally engaging in strange behavior, such as wearing the wrong pair of socks or deliberately wandering the wrong way. For those who overspend to impress others, she suggests activities to reflect on their spending habits and emotions. For those who are addicted to social media and messengers out of anxiety that they might miss important messages, she gently teaches them how to control their impulses.

Furthermore, based on extensive research across various fields, including evolutionary psychology, social psychology, clinical psychology, and neurobiology, it introduces ways to break free from the human instinct of self-evaluation.
Even though I have been practicing clinical psychology for over 40 years, I candidly admit that it has not been easy for me to break free from the social framework of comparison. I also recommend that you practice continuously rather than just once.


Only when you embrace the ordinary can you truly become extraordinary.
The Psychology of Self-Acceptance That Doesn't Collapse into Anxiety, Obsession, or Depression

Have you ever ordered a custom drink at Starbucks? The author sharply criticizes how even the mundane act of creating your own drink carries a subtle message from modern society: the need to strive for distinction.
Furthermore, he says that the culture of having to be special compared to others has permeated the concept of self-esteem, causing confusion in the definition of self-esteem.
We think that if we become more successful, attractive, or smarter than we are now, we will be happy, but this assumption is completely wrong from the start.
Dr. Segal advises that the most important thing is to stop trying to find a "one perfect, unique self" and instead to deeply savor the experience of the moment and accept yourself as you are, changing from moment to moment.
Thus, he asserts that the secret to acquiring a firm mind that is not shaken by anything is “realizing one’s own ordinariness.”

If you're worried because you feel strangely depressed every time you meet your friends, if you've lost confidence because the period of preparing for exams or job hunting has been too long, if you're worried about yourself wandering around and not settling down properly at work or in a relationship, if you feel uncomfortable because you feel like you haven't done enough today, let's start by acknowledging the most ordinary person you are.
There's no need to struggle to be perfect or to get better.
Just as when we stop struggling and relax our bodies, they naturally float to the surface, so too does our life.