“The child is growing up today too -
Parents also learn and grow.”

For parents who love their children but have difficulty fully understanding them
Warm and sure comfort from psychology

“Why on earth are you like that!” My precious child, I want to understand and sympathize with them in any situation, but when they throw a tantrum or suddenly act stubbornly and do something they never did before, the anger I’ve been holding back explodes.
When you get angry at a child like this, it leaves scars not only on the child but also on the parents.
I love my child, but why do I get so upset and angry at his or her behavior?

Even if you diligently search for and read parenting books, it only lasts for a moment. For parents who struggle with self-reproach and reflection even today, 『Habits that Don't Hurt Your Child's Heart』 has returned in a new edition.
This book, which immediately won the sympathy of parents and became a steady seller upon publication, clearly and lucidly answers why we need to look at children through the lens of psychology.
As an expert in child development psychology, parenting education, and childcare counseling, the author has provided childcare education to countless parents and explains psychology in an easy-to-understand way, guiding readers through how a child's mind develops and interpreting "child behaviors that appear to be problem behaviors" that appear in the process.
In the end, it is not because parents hate their children, but because ordinary parents have not had the opportunity to properly understand the process of their children's minds growing, and also because they have not had the time to think deeply about their own mental state.

This revised edition has been made even more inclusive by incorporating feedback from readers since the first edition was published.
In response to a review that said that studying psychology for the sake of their children gave them the opportunity to love themselves as a parent and that it made parenting much easier, I added new content to help parents alleviate their guilt and look at their time as parents in a positive light.
Let's check our current state of mind through the [Parents' Mind Checklist] and start practicing fully understanding ourselves through [Good Parenting Habits].
You will be able to develop healthy parenting habits that will not hurt either your child or your parents.

But is there really no answer to parenting? In some ways, perhaps.
Because there is no one right answer that fits all parents and children.
However, it is dangerous to think, 'There is no right answer to parenting, so you can do whatever you want!'
Although there are individual differences in specific circumstances, there is a basic direction and pace that encompasses the entire process of a child's development.
When raising a child, you can't fit them into a perfect mold, but you need to know how they develop fundamentally.
Only then can parents decide for themselves whether to wait for their child to grow or to actively support their child.

---From "If you know development, you can see the child"

At this age, children begin to express their opinions by shouting “No!” or “No!” and making hateful expressions, showing their aggression to their parents.
For most parents, this sudden change would be overwhelming and overwhelming.
But a child is born with both love and aggression.
This aggression that children display is not actually a negative change, but rather a natural manifestation of the child's development.
And because of this aggression, the child is motivated to try something, and only then does the child begin to develop into an individual.
---From "There should be no unfulfilled desires at any stage - Freud's stages of development"

Even when I was with my parents, I couldn't stack blocks as I pleased and even knock them down when I finished them. So, if another friend comes over and asks me to share toys and play together, it can feel like an unreasonable request for the child.
I have to fulfill my own needs now because I'm not sure when I'll be able to fulfill what I want, so I can't share and play with my friends.
Therefore, the child is more likely to stubbornly insist on what he or she wants or choose to play alone.

---From "The Four Stages of Development: Children Complete Missions in Order as They Grow - Erikson's Developmental Stages"

As they grow up, their egocentric thinking gradually decreases, but until the preoperational stage is completely over and operational thinking becomes possible, their ability to think logically remains immature.
As a result, when judging something, we tend to focus on only one aspect that is visible in front of us rather than comprehensively considering various attributes.
These characteristics of a child's preoperational stage may sometimes confuse and upset parents in everyday life.
Sometimes, when you give your child the same amount of milk as usual in a slightly different cup, the child gets upset or you expect the water to spill out, but the child still tries the impossible.
But if you understand your child's immature and unique cognitive developmental characteristics, you can tolerate their unreasonable stubbornness for a while.

---From "The Way Children Think and Learn - Piaget's Initiatives"

When a child entrusts their emotions to their parents, they expect that their parents will chew on these emotions to some extent and make them easier to digest before passing them on.
But what if you criticize your child by saying, "It was your fault you fell, so why are you blaming someone else and crying?" and then inflicting emotions that your child can't handle? The child will likely become overwhelmed by these feelings.
"No one will accept this overwhelming feeling (despair)" "What should I do with these growing negative feelings (anxiety)" "What if Mom and Dad abandon me? (fear)"
---From "The Heart of a Child Who Always Blames Their Parents"

The most important step to empathizing with your child's emotions is to empathize with your own emotions.
It's something you can say to your child, even if only formally, but it's not easy to say that to yourself.
However, you must first have the experience of understanding and accepting your own emotions in order to comfortably digest your child's emotions.
For example, if you hit a child because you were angry, you need to reflect on and control the behavior itself, but you also need to go through the process of acknowledging your own angry feelings.
Like, 'I was so angry that I hit my child.'
This way, you can distinguish between the feeling of anger and the action of hitting the child, and the thought, ‘Even if I was angry, I shouldn’t have hit the child…’ will lead you to control your emotions and actions respectively.
---From "If you don't empathize well with your child"

To learn about myself, I need to have contact and bump into someone.
As I realize that others influence me and I influence others, my own mind and thoughts become clearer.
In that sense, the parenting field is the best place to learn to understand myself.
It feels like a part of me, but it's through connecting with a child who is still a stranger that I come to realize my true shortcomings and needs.
So, I think that giving birth and raising a child is not about losing myself, but rather about inviting a relationship into my life that allows me to discover myself.

---From "When I Feel I'm Losing Myself While Raising a Child"