“Mom, I’m so sorry I can’t do anything else.”

The precarious choice of those who bear the burden of care and nursing alone.
The art of hope: finding a glimmer of light even in the mud and ruins

The World Literature Award, which has produced outstanding full-length novels every year, such as 『Misil』(Kim Byeol-ah), 『My Wife Got Married』(Park Hyun-wook), 『Shoot My Heart』(Jeong Yu-jeong), 『Bohemian Rhapsody』(Jeong Jae-min), 『Justice Man』(Do Seon-woo), 『For Books Leaving the Library』(Oh Su-wan), and 『Where Our Night Begins』(Go Yo-han), has published 『The Way We Survived Winter』 by Moon Mi-soon, the 19th winner.


Selected with overwhelming support from the judges among 185 submissions, this work is a brutal yet heartwarming story of two protagonists who bear the burden of nursing and caring alone, but who, driven to the brink of despair, do not give up on life and find a glimmer of hope through solidarity.
The seven judges (Choi Won-sik, Kang Young-sook, Park Hye-jin, Eun Hee-kyung, Jeong Yu-jeong, Jeong Hong-su, and Ha Seong-ran) stated, “This work, which depicts the tragedy of two neighbors who cannot even take care of their own lives because they are too busy caring for their sick parents, is a modern successor to naturalistic novels and at the same time a counterattack of hope against a pessimistic world.” They added, “There was no disagreement in selecting this chilling and warm work, which shows hope even in a terrible reality, as the winner of this year’s World Literature Award.”

Myeong-ju, a 50-year-old caring for her mother with dementia, and Jun-seong, a 20-year-old caring for her father who suffered a stroke, are frustrated by a series of misfortunes and harsh realities, but when they are faced with the unexpected death of their parents, they conceal and postpone the death.
The author meticulously and meticulously depicts the desperate choice they had to make at a dead end, ultimately creating a compelling narrative of hope.

Mom was wrapped in linen, just as she had been working on a few days ago.
Although the surrounding shape looked rough, there was no trace of pus soaking into the linen.
The sodium percarbonate and baking soda sprinkled inside the wooden coffin floor, as well as the charcoal and sandalwood pieces that are said to have preservative and deodorizing properties, seemed to be doing their job.
After carefully checking her mother's condition, Myeongju closed the lid of the wooden coffin.
I wondered if my nose had become dull, but there didn't seem to be any major problems.
Myeongju emptied the half-filled water bottle in the air purifier, sprayed cypress sap all over the room, and left the small room.
--- pp.10~11

After deducting monthly living expenses from the 1 million won pension, 280,000 won remains.
After calculating again and again, Myeongju circled 280,000 won.
280,000 won was the amount I spent on paying my mother's medical bills, hospital medicine, diapers and pads, nutritional cans, and underwear.
It meant that I didn't have to spend that kind of money anymore.
It was said that money was held in one's hands solely for one's own use.
My heart raced just thinking about it.
Myeongju couldn't believe the abundance and leisure her mother had left behind.

--- p.52

Myeongju opened her eyes and looked out the window.
I thought of my colleagues who, although poor, were more honest and warm-hearted than anyone else, and who helped pay for Myeongju's hospital bills by reducing their own living expenses.
I had hoped things would be a little better by now, but I felt bad because it seemed like everyone was following in Myeongju's footsteps.
I was annoyed that we were still repeating this same boring, boring poverty story.
But at some point, as I watched them hurry back home to their families, an inexplicable emotion stirred deep within me.
I thought I was freer and more carefree than anyone else, but then I suddenly missed my mom.
I missed my mother so much that I couldn't stop thinking about her.

--- pp.91~92

─My father wasn't like this.
You exercise hard and eat well.
When I came back from the mart, my father smelled bad.
He continued watching television without even realizing that he had made a mistake.
He said that his father first suffered a stroke when he was in high school.
At first, he recovered and got better within a month, but a few years later, he had a recurring stroke, and as a result, his speech and behavior gradually became slurred, and his energy and cognitive abilities also declined.
He said that he was practicing walking and going to the bathroom, but he was in a state where he could not be at ease because he had alcoholic dementia.
─You drank a lot while working in construction.
Myeongju remembered the incident she had recently encountered with an old man who was buying alcohol.
─When you apply for a nursing care level, you may be confused at first, but you will not be able to receive a level because you will be able to answer questions well in front of the examiners.

--- pp.121~122

This is my compensation for the insults and contempt the world has given me.
This world owes me a debt.
I apologize.
Myeongju decided that she would be rewarded until she finally felt satisfied, and only then would she go without any regrets.
But now, Myeongju was shaking her head vigorously.
It was because he knew that what he wanted was not something so grand and great.
All he wanted was a simple meal, the cool breeze of the winter forest, the silence of the snow, a ray of sunlight falling on his head, the resoluteness of wild flowers, and the affectionate greeting of a child he didn't know.
It was the reason why he still wanted to see and feel more, why he still wanted to live and not die.

--- p.138

─He suffered burns on his body after a stroke, and it was difficult to treat.
My genitals, thighs, and even the tops of my feet were all burned.
The doctor recommended that I move from a general ward to a nursing home to continue treatment, but I couldn't afford the treatment and nursing costs, so I brought him home.
I also stopped doing the designated driving job I had been doing.
I thought I could take good care of you.
But staying by my father's side, dressing him several times a day, and moving him here and there was by no means an easy task.
I wondered who would do this job if it was so hard for me, even as a young person.
Fortunately, my skin has healed well, but I have to start rehabilitation exercises again from the beginning to walk.
Starting over again.

--- pp.169~170

Junseong first filled the bathtub with warm water and warmed up the bathroom.
And then I helped my father to the bathroom.
As soon as I went into the bathroom and tried to take off my clothes, my father suddenly changed his mind and started screaming and twisting his body, refusing to do it.
Even though Junseong was holding on to the handrail his father had installed in the bathroom, he was very nervous when his father sat him down on the toilet or stood him up. It was difficult to control him when he started to squirm.
He was barely able to hold onto his father's shoulders and try to stand up again, but his father reached out with both hands and hit Junseong's elbow.
Junseong's wrist suddenly felt numb, his grip loosened, and he lost sight of his father.
In an instant, my father's knees buckled like a broken-jointed doll, and his head hit the sink and toilet in quick succession, collapsing to the floor.

--- pp.188~189

─Mom, I mean that wooden box I saw last time.
Eun-jin blurted out something strange without even saying hello.
─Is there a grandmother in there?
─What? What, what does that mean?
Myeongju was breathless.
I was so surprised that I even stuttered.
─Why are you so surprised? Is it true?
Eun-jin burst out laughing when she heard Myeong-ju stutter.
─Is that what you're saying about your grandmother?
─I was joking, I was joking.
But Mom, you're really excited?
Eun-jin seemed to find teasing Myeong-ju amusing.

--- p.193

─I think I slept for about half a day.
I suddenly woke up with a feeling of nausea and a headache, and I kept vomiting and feeling dizzy.
I was wandering around like that for half a day, half-asleep, when I got a text message from my mom on my phone.
I opened it because I was curious, and it was a text message notifying me that my pension had been deposited.
The moment I saw that, my heart started to flutter strangely.
My mother passed away and I still have a pension coming in.
Not funny.
I started to laugh out loud and wanted to live again.
I've never spent this much money on myself.
I don't have any regrets in this world, but I thought I'd at least spend this money to my heart's content before I die.
So I decided to live a little longer.
Decided to live with my mom.
It's not so wrong to postpone your mother's death for a little while.
If you're going to throw a stone, then throw it.
Who will throw stones at me?
--- p.208

─I don't even hope for a dignified life.
Shouldn't we be able to survive? Since the country can't do it, we're going to do it ourselves.
Let's live, let's live till the end, and let's see what the world does to us.
Until then, there is no law or order.
Myeong-ju patted Jun-seong's shoulder as he returned home.
In front of Junseong, I started talking a lot without realizing it.
Maybe we were just hanging out in Busan like this so we wouldn't remind each other of our guilt.
Before she knew it, a plan was forming in Myeongju's head to bury the two bodies in her mother's hometown.
I decided to tell Junseong after everything was definitely prepared.

--- p.218