Why am I so moody?
To you who is struggling with emotions that fluctuate every day

I feel like my heart is going to burst.
It's my heart, but I can't control it.
I know in my head what the right answer is, but it doesn't reach my heart at all.
I was so excited and felt like I could fly in the morning, but before I knew it, I was depressed and wanted to give up everything.
I don't want to live anymore.
Could it be that I… have a problem somewhere?

A competitive society that becomes more intense day by day.
As life becomes increasingly difficult, modern people are all suffering from some degree of mental illness caused by stress.
"I Wish You Were Alive: A Manic-Depressive Doctor's Story of Manic-Depressive Disorder" is an essay written by the author, who committed "social suicide" due to manic-depressive disorder, based on his own experience.
As a person with experience and a therapist, I provide accessible knowledge about bipolar disorder, as well as a warm and wise voice for those struggling with mood swings.


If you feel that your mood swings are severe, or if you have tried hard but can't seem to find a solution to your emotional problems, or if you feel helpless and depressed and feel pathetic, or if you are like a rubber band on the verge of snapping at the end of an exhausting life, I recommend reading this book.

Bipolar disorder is a disease of light and shadow.
When you are manic, you may be more energetic and productive at work, and may even be more successful than others.
It would be nice if it could stay that way, but usually the mood swings and impulsivity of bipolar disorder get worse over time.
They may go to the hospital only after they reach a state of severe mania or depression, or they may even make extreme choices.
Depression is considered the leading cause of suicide, but bipolar disorder has a higher risk of suicide than depression.
---From "I am a bipolar doctor"

If there's anyone out there who feels anxious and wants to hide from the world like I used to, I wanted to tell you that I understand.
I wanted to talk openly about my experiences, which may be similar to yours, about illness and treatment, about the challenges we face in life and the courage to persevere despite them.

---From "I am a bipolar doctor"

It's not that there weren't other thoughts in my head.
I had in my head the same advice that other people might have given me: if I give up here, I'll be the only one who suffers, others are holding on, so I can do it too, things will get better after this, etc.
There was a sense of guilt over the vain failure and a sense of loss at losing one's dreams.
But all of that was just a ghostly shadow, not at all convincing.
It was just floating around in my head like a cloud.
So, there is little point in rationally persuading someone who is contemplating suicide.
Because all of that is already in that person's head.

---From "The Day I Left the Hospital"

I am so grateful to my husband.
When I first told him, “I think I have bipolar disorder,” he was surprised, but he didn’t seem to have any reservations.
Denying the illness by saying things like, "That can't be true" or "Don't think like that" discourages patients from having the courage to face their illness and treat it.
He accepted the statement, “I have bipolar disorder,” as if it were another common illness, like saying, “I have anemia.”
He was interested in my illness and wanted to know more about it, and encouraged me to get treatment.
He said that he 'doesn't try to understand' when dealing with other people.
“The more you try to understand, the harder it gets.
“I just accept that person as he is.”
---From “Living as a Patient’s Family”

In psychiatry, the most acute conflict between doctors and patients is over medication.
The argument between doctors who insist on taking their medication regularly and patients who insist on not taking their medication never seems to end.
It's tiring for both patients and doctors.
This conflict fundamentally stems from the fact that doctors view mental illness as a “disease of the body,” while patients view it as a “disease of the mind.”
Probably no patient would think of treating high blood pressure or diabetes with mental power.
Because we all know that blood flow and hormone regulation are not possible through mental power.

---From "Do I really have to take medicine?"

Moods can move like waves at any time, and medication acts as a breakwater at the front line to prevent extremes of mood.
So, there is no need to have too much fear or too high expectations about the drug.
I am me, and medicine helps me.
That's how we go together.

---From “On the Effects of Medicine”

To you who is wandering because life is so painful that it seems like everything would be over if you just died, but even dying is not easy, what use are words like “It’s better to live anyway” and “Live with the will to die”?
For you now, living is suffering, and the process of dying is also suffering.

How hard was it for you to end up in such a dead end?

---From "To You Who Thinks of Death"

If you don't obsess over the future, there is nothing wrong with this moment.
The future doesn't always go as planned.
Even if you plan carefully, there are times when things go wrong, and there are times when things work out just fine even if you leave it alone.
It's pointless to worry about the future.

---From "To You Who Are Feeling Apathetic"