A record of time spent suffering, remembering, and reliving

Death has stopped life, but love still flows.
As the author records the daily life left behind after the sudden separation from his mother, he recalls not the things he let go, but the things he left behind.
The longing that suddenly comes even in familiar scenery, the memories that permeate small objects, the day we must live again, and the loved ones who are still with us become small miracles that allow us to look at life anew.
This book is a story about the depth of life discovered in loss and the love that never fades away.

That day, it should have been the battery, not Mom, that died.
That was the way it should be.
But the thing called death came to my mother through a thin membrane?
--- p.13

I wasn't alone.
Black has always been the color of darkness.
It was a dark and gloomy world where nothing could be done, a world filled with fear and sometimes terror, a world where one was trapped.
But isn't black a color that absorbs all colors?
The color black that day was a color of comfort to me.

--- p.26

As if to apologize to myself for lying to me all this time, I decided to feel as much pain and cry as I could from that day on.
I decided to let go of the worries about whether my children would be hurt, whether people would worry, and whether my mother in heaven would be unable to sleep, and just cry to my heart's content.

--- p.42

By remembering, 'separation' is not the end.
Just remembering the time we spent together, just holding it in your heart, makes it not the end, but eternity.
--- p.101

Beginning and end, light and darkness, life and death…
It seems like we're far apart, but it turns out we're sitting right next to each other.
--- p.168

I started drawing my mom.
My mother was shining brightly in her youth.
I drew the place I used to walk while holding my mother's hand.
Life was still going on there.
The stories we shared as we walked together began to come to mind one by one.
I drew my mother's favorite flowers and clovers.
I remembered the faces of those who had discovered them with sparkling eyes, taken pictures, and stared at them for a long time.
Memories brought back pictures, and pictures brought back memories.
Like a dream catcher, where bad dreams are caught in the net and disappear with the morning sunlight, and only good dreams enter my heart, when I was drawing, only good memories with my mother passed through the net and settled in my heart.

--- p.
178

I remind myself that I must live this moment lovingly without regrets.
I try to find the space to fully accept the gaze of my loved one.
When you want to see something, make time to see it.
Don't be afraid to say 'I love you'.
Give them a hug often.
Share your heartbeat.
So that there are no regrets, so that the end is not filled with only sadness and pain, we sow the seeds of love without holding back.
--- p.
198

I want to be someone who can find a small light even in the darkest of darkness.
I believe that the small lights I gather little by little will bring the gift of 'good luck' to my life.
With all this luck, my life will become one beautiful story.

--- p.204