To my crumpled and shrunken heart
Dazzling and warm Gosuri-style love

Gosuri has been a writing guide for over a thousand students and has written unique stories, publishing books such as “We Can Walk Even in the Moonlight,” “Mackerel: When I Think of My Mother, My Heart Weaves Like the Sea,” and “A Night of Worry.”
In a world where hatred and disgust are easy to overcome, I have published a collection of essays titled “Clear Love,” which contains scenes where invisible love becomes clear.
They say that caring for someone and caring for them gives you the strength to rise up and give them affection.

It can't be seen or touched, but this is the love I know.
A heart that covers you with a blanket and lets you sleep soundly without worrying about anything.
It's like a comforting prayer that even the deep darkness will be covered like a blanket, and that things will be okay after one night's sleep.
I also lay down next to my family, covered myself with a blanket, and fell asleep.
The writings I wrote and compiled with this in mind are contained here.

--- p.7

“Little ones need hands.
“You have to take good care of them.” The four of us crouched down, our heads together, each holding a cat, and quietly watched them eat.
As the sun set, the air, full of sunlight and vitality, the smell of perm, and the apricot-colored sunset made the fluffy cat fur shine.
On the palm of my hand, a soft, thumping heartbeat, a towel-like skin with a faint scent of perm medicine, and white cat hair remained.
Wherever you go, take care.
There was an evening when I said hello to the children and turned around to leave.

--- p.23~24

Sometimes I try on other people's shoes.
My brother's shoes are large and neat, with a straight instep and a recessed insole, making them reliable.
My mother's shoes, which are often worn out from walking, have wrinkled heels and worn out soles, which is a shame.
Also, sometimes I look at other people's shoes for a long time.
Even though life is tough, I want to live well, so I work hard and walk with sore feet.
I see myself in the past, sticking bandages on my heels and massaging my calves, in the back of my life, overlapping with everyone I pass by.
When I just sit and watch on the subway, at the terminal, at the market, at the shopping mall, at the wedding hall, or on the street, the old saying, “Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes for a long time” hits me hard.
We each walk, bearing the weight of life.
Because there are moments when you suddenly realize the situation from someone's heel.

--- p.62

On the bus ride back, everyone fell asleep.
I arrived at the church, tried to stay awake, played around, and then attended the dawn service.
Was it because I was too sleepy or did I just fall asleep?
The next day, I have no memory of the bright Christmas.
Only the memory of the night I sang is vivid.
Every time I hear a Christmas carol, that night comes to mind.
I was able to understand this later when I became an adult.
What a precious gift it must have been to hear the children singing in the middle of the night.
I think of a person who is alone in the dying winter.
Silent night, holy night, in the night shrouded in darkness.
I want to knock on the door and sing a song to someone who is alone and can't sleep.
When the song is over, shall we share our candy?
We were sitting side by side, eating sweet white candies, smiling at each other.
If we could share even that much of our hearts, this winter would be warm.

--- p.78

“Yes.
At that time, I was so poor that I felt like I had to have it somehow.
I have that feeling of not being able to throw away my mother's things, because I keep tying them up.
Suri, when you and I were growing up, our mother used to cover us.
I miss my mom so much.
I want to leave my mother's scent behind.
A preciousness that brings tears to your eyes.
"I'm going to die." Yeah, I know.
I cherish that too, Mom.
The things like my mother's foolish and precious love and the overflowing affection that she couldn't throw away, like the cotton blanket my grandmother used and the things she patched and added to instead of throwing away.
That's all there is to it.

--- p.88~89

Chaggle chaggle chaggle.
Every time I take out the flounder my aunt gave me and grill it, I feel a surge of emotion in my aunt's heart, which always swells with emotion.
The more I give birth to children, feed them, take care of them, and hold them, the more my heart aches.
When a sad chill creeps into a corner of my warm heart, I look back on the time when I grew up.
Then, without fail, the people who loved me are laughing and crying happily.
In the evening of life, carrying the twilight years on their backs like a baby, the faces that love me are smiling and crying.
Just like my grandmother, my mother, and my aunt, I will never be able to avoid aging.
However, as I grow older, I will laugh and cry a lot, and as the sun sets, I will become a grandmother who embraces the blue and salty sea in her arms.
okay.
I will be beautiful forever.
I will grow up to be small and affectionate, just like the mothers who raised me, and I will be beautiful forever.
I get goosebumps every time I grill flounder.

--- p.119~120

If you say, "Mom, you like this," without thinking, she remembers it and asks, "Mom, do you like this?"
My mom doesn't like coffee.
My mom doesn't like books.
Mom doesn't like the moon.
Mom likes it when Seo-an and Ji-an walk hand in hand.
Words like this.
I immediately notice when the hairpin I always wear has changed, when the shoes I always wear have changed, and when I wear new clothes.
A few times a day, out of the blue, I say, "Mom, I like you."
I love you, Mom.
Love is expressed in words.
Kids really seem to know what it means to say “I love you.”
Otherwise, how could you possibly look after me and love me so meticulously and sincerely?
I'm so happy these days with the love I receive from my two little ones, and I want to show off this love.
Later, I will live the rest of my life with these memories of love.

--- p.161~162

I realized that you are a good person to me too, when I was trying to tell my friend.
I've already found a good person.
Here was a person who leaned his shoulder against an umbrella and shared his heart.
Why did we try so hard to become what we were when we were already there?
So natural.
It's okay to only need one person in your life.
One person to share an umbrella with.
There's someone I suddenly want to call.
There's one person I want to send a long letter to.
One person to share a warm meal with.
One person I want to be like.
Just me, just me.
Finding those people one by one has been the way I make my life.
Now I know how to smile and talk to someone.
The way I wanted to live was not 'becoming a good person' but 'finding a good person'.

--- p.217

After a long night, morning inevitably comes, approaches, and returns.
I believe that every morning is not just something that comes, but something that comes back again.
The hardship and gratitude of leaving and returning, the newness and mystery of our eyes meeting and meeting again.
It was the quality of hope that the people I met throughout my life taught me.

--- p.256~257