Why do I get emotionally agitated and always regret it?
A psychological prescription for those who feel angry and regretful

There are people who easily become 'emotional', unable to control their emotions in the moment over trivial matters and suddenly get angry, or suffer from vague worries and anxiety about anything.
This kind of 'emotional' psychological state not only affects interpersonal relationships and work, but also makes you feel bad and hurts yourself.
This book analyzes the inner workings and mechanisms of emotions of people who easily become emotional about anything, or conversely, suppress their true feelings and pretend not to be emotional. It also suggests ways to maintain peace of mind without being easily swayed by emotions.

Part 1 | Why do people become emotional?
Why do people become emotional? The word "emotional" means being swayed by emotions and unable to see things objectively.
When people become emotional, they think it's an emotional problem.
But as I said in the prologue, there is nothing wrong with emotions themselves.
In this book, I distinguish between the word "emotional" and the original, innocent emotions, that is, emotions as they are.
So, why do we have "real emotions"? It's a self-defense mechanism inherent in humans.
For example, the feeling of 'anxiety' arises when safety is not secured, and because we feel anxious, we can look at the situation carefully and be cautious in our actions.

--- pp.18-19 From “Why do ‘emotions’ exist?”

Being 'emotional' is a way of 'defending one's heart', although it is a twisted way of doing it.
However, defending yourself 'emotionally' is not only ineffective, it can actually put you at greater risk.
At first, it may be a simple reaction to the 'mismatch of schedule' and 'shock', but by becoming 'emotional' to protect yourself, you can actually torment yourself, and in some cases, you may be ignored or counterattacked by the other person.
This inappropriate self-defense is called 'misaligned defense'.

--- pp.52-53 From “People become ‘emotional’ to protect their hearts”

Part 2 | 'Emotional' people have low 'self-esteem'
Denying natural emotions is also very detrimental to your health.
Because it's no different from saying "it feels cool and good" even though you feel pain when touching something hot.
The first step to not becoming 'emotional' is 'acknowledging and accepting your negative emotions'.

--- p.89 From “Using emotions is different from ‘positive thinking’”

It was said that by expressing emotions verbally, we can share 'emotional thoughts' and correct misalignments in 'role expectations', but people with low self-esteem have difficulty expressing their thoughts verbally.
When I asked, “Where should we eat lunch?” he said, “Anywhere is fine.”
But, I ended up going to a tonkatsu restaurant that I hate, so I said, “I’m not hungry.
“I just want to go home!” he said angrily.
If you look at it literally, some people might think, 'Why are you getting angry when everything is fine?'
The point of this discrepancy is that 'the husband knows very well that his wife hates tonkatsu.'
The husband, upon hearing his wife say that anywhere was fine, probably headed to the tonkatsu restaurant with the thought, "I guess it'll be okay to go anywhere today!"
But the trap is that my wife thinks, 'If we're living together, shouldn't we at least know that I don't like oily food?'
This type of 'I don't need to say anything, you know?' type of communication is especially common in people with low self-esteem.

--- pp.106-107 From “What People with Low Self-Esteem Often Say”

Part 3 | Knowing Each Other's Territories Prevents Hurt
Although the evaluations made by others may at first seem to encroach on one's own territory, they are in fact evaluations made within the other person's territory.
So, from the beginning, the idea is that 'territorial invasion itself cannot occur.'
This is completely different from enduring.
To endure is to ignore the damage and just stand by and watch, which only builds up negative energy in your mind.
On the other hand, the position that it is merely an 'evaluation made within the other person's domain' is that the other person cannot cause harm to me in the first place.
Instead of thinking, "I can tolerate this level of talk," if you think, "The other person is thinking as they please in their own domain, so let's just ignore it," you might be able to change your mood and plan something else.

--- pp.133-134 From “Why Does Advice Become Violence?”

Part 4 | Letting Go of the "Tug-of-War on Moving"
When you think, 'I want to prove that I'm right, but no one is listening to me seriously!', your defense mechanism kicks in and you become even more 'emotional.'
Ultimately, being 'emotional' can be seen as a 'misplaced defense' surrounding one's 'rightness'.
However, because a 'misaligned defense' is literally 'misaligned', it is difficult to get what you believe to be right acknowledged as the result.
If you keep repeating the 'misguided defense' that you are right, the situation will only get worse.
Not only will your relationship with the other person deteriorate, but you will also feel powerless.

--- pp.151-152 From “Why does insisting that ‘I am right’ make people powerless?”